Re: Domestic Abuse.
my dad has said I can go & live with them if I want to - I know you'll say go! but, I find my mum very difficult, I would be moving into another dysfunctional home!! I really don't want to be at my age - almost 50, living at home, being told what i'm having for tea & having to ask if I can invite anyone round. but my disability makes this all so much more difficult & scary. I feel so trapped.
I haven't got enough for 1mths rent, I really need a place on one level with hand rails etc & i'd need help in.
he is v angry at the moment. he bullied me ( I was so stupid giving in,even with the pen in hand I was still saying it was too much) into signing a secured loan for £50k. at the time he said "if we ever split up i'll take it all on pay off". I've reminded him he said that,he said," oh so you remember that do you?" - but it was the nasty sneer,glaring. but he did say it - he's angry I remember.
he told me this week he used a broker to find this secured loan company!! I was so shocked! at the beginning he lied, gaslighting, told me I HELPED him find this company- lies. he produced the papers without any discussion of considering a secured loan.
and now he let slip he got himself a broker. so, I said "a broker knew about a secured loan for MY/OUR home BEFORE I did?". i'm so angry. I don't think i'll ever know the whole truth with him. the deception is horrible, it makes me feel so unsafe.
he's got a smartphone, he's on about selling it for £ 200 & wants to keep the money for himself! i'm so angry! we've been on the breadline some moths paying all the debts off, no weekend break never mind a week. he want to go on a pay as you go old phone he has - he's done this before, then they launch a new phone & he wants the new 1.
I said why don't we both sell our phones, use old phones in the house & go on pay as you go - cheaper. I said we could send the £ raised off the 2 nice phones as a extra payment off the secured loan. He is livid. I told him I think he's v selfish. if he goes ahead & sells his phone & keeps the £ there's nothing I can do.
I don't trust him at all. he's still saying I've said/agreed to things I truly know I haven't. no one will believe me, people see him helping me with my mobility scooter etc & tell me how devoted he is. there are things he's good with but there's all this other stuff. times he's taken mobility equipment away - not many but he has done it.
I wish we had enough equity in the house for me to buy a 1 bed,groundfloor flat, but we don't. I feel so aware of the added problems my disability adds into it all.
i'm sorry. I know I sound pathetic, I feel so trapped,my disability & all the debt just make it all worse. I just want to cry.