As a middle aged couple, my wife and I sometimes look back on the early years and make fun of ourselves. I'm a very high motivated dominant driver. When we went through counseling before our marriage, I cringed every time it was brought up because it seems that society links this to being selfish, inconsiderate and uncaring. Finally, my wife said, "will you quit trying to deny it? I like it." Then, I went to work in a place that adjusts your career track based on your personality. My data sheet says "Dominant Driver".
It seems that my family's favorite past time is putting on the sad romances on DVD night. I'm the one that cries through every one of them.
The tactic that has helped me in my marriage is to learn the areas (which are many) where my wife is smarter and best suited to lead, and be her supporter in these areas.
Ha! I did that Thompson test decades ago for Dominance, Influence, Stability, Compliance. Massive scores in Dominance and Influence, very low in Stability and Compliance.
From my starting position in life I needed Dominance and Influence to get anywhere! Strangely the Influence moderated the Dominance, in that I Influenced the Dominance as opposed to ramming it home. My value was in leading, not following, not managing, not administrating. But it’s what I call an assertive, consultative leader! Someone’s gotta do that stuff, we can’t all be followers. The world needs different people, all sorts of different people and each and everyone has their own unique value in any given situation.
But what worked for me then doesn’t work for me now. Now I’m upping my Stability and Compliance, simply because I want to consolidate and “make safe” what I have. I seek new pastures no more, I hope.
In my experience ladies want you to be in a gray area between ******* and sensitive. I've never met a single woman, save one, who said she was attracted to submissive guys. Most of em tell me they are really turned off by that. I think it's instinctual to want the man to be dominant.
We've had a lot of threads and posts on "the dominant man" here of late. Does he need to be dominant? No. Confident? Yes. Maybe it's just semantics to some but I see a distinct difference. My wife has always admired my confidence. It was what drew her to me when we first met in a crowd of 200 people at a professional gathering. When that confidence morphed into dominance over time it pushed her away then it really hit the fan. When the marriage nearly failed, I lost that confidence and that pushed her away also. She had never seen me in that light and it turned her off. With time we got it all back at the proper levels.
Amp, How did you get back on track, I am in a similiar situation
nobody knows what woman wants at any given moment, and if you think you do it will change before you can act on it
Not to be funny or sarcastic, but I agree. I've even had women say to me that this is true. It may not be 100% true, but somehow it appears that way most of the time. That's the way my x was, she didn't know what she wanted from one minute to the next. Whatever could be the most confusing was what she seemed to want.
Who in the hell wants a candyass man? To me that is a huge turn off. I want a man who is a man's man, alpha male. No sissy. I don't want him to boss me around and be a jerk. But the man should be the leader, head of the house. I want my husband to protect me and take care of me. Not because I can't take care of myself, but because he wants to. My husband has spanked me before, I love it, melt in his hands. He hasn't done it alot, but if I am wayyy out of line and mouthing he will put a brush to my ass. But he respects my brain, my opinions, etc. He is not a pig. Just a man, strong physically and mentally.
Who in the hell wants a candyass man? To me that is a huge turn off. I want a man who is a man's man, alpha male. No sissy. I don't want him to boss me around and be a jerk. But the man should be the leader, head of the house. I want my husband to protect me and take care of me. Not because I can't take care of myself, but because he wants to. My husband has spanked me before, I love it, melt in his hands. He hasn't done it alot, but if I am wayyy out of line and mouthing he will put a brush to my ass. But he respects my brain, my opinions, etc. He is not a pig. Just a man, strong physically and mentally.
Well that sounds good.
I don't want my fiance to be a jerk either, but I quite like being bossed around.
"But I like it when he tells me to do things, if he said "Baby, go and do X" then I would and I especially like it when he tells me to give him a BJ. But he's not a jerk and he also takes care of me. "
Yes I am with you! My husband will say playfully, yeah go have fun tonight but not til after your on your knees. He says it playing but I know what that means.
No one wants an A-Hole, but I think women do want a strong man. A strong man is confident, will take charge when need be without stepping all over a women, have a voice without denying the woman hers, and be able to voice what he wants and needs.Hit it right on the head! This is the kind of man I am married to.
An a-hole demands instead of asking, drags the woman along instead of taking charge and leading, is arrogant and not confident, and abuses his voice, or uses it negatively while denying the woman any voice (I suppose a lot of this would also describe the female version of a B**ch and a good woman)When I was 20, I did what many sheltered and naive young women do; I started dating a controlling older man. At first, I was in awe of his "experience", but as I grew older and became more confident, I could see that I could no longer be with a man who liked to use age to manipulate me, pressure me for sex and constantly scream in my face. This ugly troll liked to bellow "I AM OLDER!! I KNOW BETTER! YOU NEED TO LISTEN! YOU HAVE TO!!" He was an *******.
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Re: Do women want a dominant man? 
