Originally Posted by lost20
all i can get him to say is im stressed over money well so am i but its not the end of the world
First of all, you have to know the two of you need marriage counseling. It will help you both learn to communicate better, as well help him see his error in talking to other women and talking about you to them. I really hope you are able to get that resolved because it is very disrespectful.
Secondly, when you go to counseling, I have to say you really need to listen carefully in the communication department. Based on the example you give us (the one I quoted above), I think I can see why he doesn't open up to you. Of course, I wouldn't know if it happens all the time, but I have to assume it does. He opened up and shared what was on his mind, but you shot it down with a flippant retort. You reduced his concern to insignificance instead of being supportive when he shared that with you. No one wants to be shot down like that. It is just as disrespectful as him talking to other women, and it makes a person lose a little love each time. So, he closes back up to you because of the way you respond when he opens up.
Please get counseling. Not to be harsh or overly critical of you, but you think you can always solve problems. Perhaps you can, but to do it, you need to have skills in problem solving. You weren't supposed to say anything to ex#1. She is not married to you and owes you no particular allegiance. As you can see, it blew up pretty badly and brought on more disrespect from him.
You are not wrong in the situation by any means. He is not supposed to be talking to other women for hours at a time, and he definitely is not supposed to speak ill of you to them. I just think you compound the problems as they occur, which means you both need to understand the error in your methods.