lost20

My husband and i have been marries for two years. while we were dating i found out that he keeps in contact with his 2 exs online email and im. If it was innocent i feel like he would not have kept it from me, but he does. while i was pregnant with our son this past october i came up and his chat session was up with ex #1. Him talking bad about me to her like nagging him i about lost my mind he has never mentioned that i botherd him in some ways and still wont well i confronted her online on his account and asked her to stop talking to him she called me every name in the book and said i was going to be a terrible mother so on and so forth so i really let her know how i felt about her talking to my husband for hours when she is due to get married herself in a month or two. well she called him at work told him what i said emailed him what i wrote and he called me and told me to never get on his stuff again that he was really mad at me it was a big mess but i got him to agree he would never talk to them again well the other night i come home from work at 12am he was asleep the laptop open besidr him in bed and whos on it ex #1 we got in a huge argument i snatched the laptop tried to read it fell to the floor on top of it so he could'nt take it well the battery came out so much for that he was irate i saw a few words pu$$y and majic stick he said that they were not talking bout anything bad but he knew i would over react but if they were really talking about nothing would he have put up that big of a fight? he tells me that he talks to them because he dose'nt want to tell me his problems and there miles away and he can get things off his chest but why does it have to be his eXS? i want him to talk to me i wanna help we are young but doing well for ourselvs i think anyway i just dont get it how can we improve our relationship if i cant get him to talk to me all i can get him to say is im stressed over money well so am i but its not the end of the world this is one of only 2 problems we have in our relationship if it wasent for this one thing life would be a fairytale between us . just tell me what to do my heart is aching my heart is pounding out of my chest and im at the brink of a break down please help me

Susan2010

First of all, you have to know the two of you need marriage counseling. It will help you both learn to communicate better, as well help him see his error in talking to other women and talking about you to them. I really hope you are able to get that resolved because it is very disrespectful.

Secondly, when you go to counseling, I have to say you really need to listen carefully in the communication department. Based on the example you give us (the one I quoted above), I think I can see why he doesn't open up to you. Of course, I wouldn't know if it happens all the time, but I have to assume it does. He opened up and shared what was on his mind, but you shot it down with a flippant retort. You reduced his concern to insignificance instead of being supportive when he shared that with you. No one wants to be shot down like that. It is just as disrespectful as him talking to other women, and it makes a person lose a little love each time. So, he closes back up to you because of the way you respond when he opens up.

Please get counseling. Not to be harsh or overly critical of you, but you think you can always solve problems. Perhaps you can, but to do it, you need to have skills in problem solving. You weren't supposed to say anything to ex#1. She is not married to you and owes you no particular allegiance. As you can see, it blew up pretty badly and brought on more disrespect from him.

You are not wrong in the situation by any means. He is not supposed to be talking to other women for hours at a time, and he definitely is not supposed to speak ill of you to them. I just think you compound the problems as they occur, which means you both need to understand the error in your methods.