BorrowedHalo

Just wondering. Is anyone having problems and aware of the fact that it's really not a "successful" marriage, but you're staying anyway? What are your reasons for staying?

HappyHer

Many people stay for many different reasons, but settling for not wonderful isn't a good way to go.

Couples that are staying together can find ways to make it better if they make the effort. So, my guess is that the couple stay and put up with less than wonderful because they are too lazy, or just don't know where to start, to make some efforts that might improve their situation.

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amberlynn

My marriage is far from perfect.. I know things are bad, yet I'm still here, and as selfish as it sounds, I'm here for the sake of my son. I don't want to put him through it. I'm to the point to where I don't feel the love in my marriage that was once there. The hubby says he loves me, but I sometimes think it's out of habit. I just don't know. Im doing my part to work it out, but the husband isn't doing his share. Im at a big fork in the road and I'm still trying to decide which way to go.

marriedtoo

If you read my post (EVER THOUGHT YOUR MARRIAGE WAS A MISTAKE) you'll find my answer...
Reason # 1 my kids

HappyHer

Have you asked your husband if he's willing to try some different ways of responding to you and working to refresh your marriage? Many people feel a sense of security when they can take their relationship for granted, but it also takes away the spark. There are ways to get it back though, if you are both willing to put forth the effort.

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hillybug

Yes, but we know that we still love each other, despite our problems, and are both willing to work through our issues. Also we have 2 children, and it's not fair to them split the family up, just because things are "hard". When kids are involved, you have to take things that are less than ideal, because its not all about you anymore.

kiwigirl

thats wot im trying to decide nw

hurtin4certain

Marriage is hard work...PERIOD. If you don't invest in it, you'll go bankrupt. It doesn't matter who you're with, you still have to do your 110% to keep the home fire burning. Yes, you may have to work a little harder on some issues that someone else may not have, but trust me, there would be something else that you'd have to work on. You are in a place that you chose to be. When two people marry, they are agreeing that they will do the work necessary to stay together. It's your choice whether that "together" is joyful or just not any fun at all. Start with some surprises. Anything will work...pick up your spouse's favorite softdrink on the way home from work. Order a sexy book to read together. Things may not always be great, but if you change it up on your part, it's sure to at least be different.

LadyOfTheHouse

what's missing in your marriage? what's "not so great" about it? you don't have to settle, and neither should your husband.
what do you want more of?
what do you want LESS of?

please reply--"not so great" implies FIXABLE.

Willow

My marriage is in the worst place its ever been. I feel like its clinging together by a thread.
I have tried talking to my H to discuss what we can do but he is so disconnected that all this does is fire anger.
I am still here though but I think if it wasn't for my kids I would be gone by now. I went through quite a big spiral of depression feeling hopeless. Then I realised that I had to get my act together. I started taking a bit better care of me. I started reading up what I can do. I started reading lots of threads here.
So now I am on Project Me. I am doing everything I can to be better each and every day. I am still interacting with my H but I am putting in a healthy distance, I had become too 'needy', too dependent on him throwing a good word in my direction as if I were some subservient dog.
I think there are very few marriages that don't hit a bad patch of some sort or other. I think if you are both prepared to work through it then you will manage it. Not so sure on the prognosis in my situation where only one of you wants to work it through, but I know that even if it all implodes today I am in a better place, physically and mentally, than I was even two weeks ago, and transformed from a month ago when I was a sobbing despondent wreck.

cb45

i posted something akin to this thread,
when i 1st came here.

i think of the 50% (or so) marriages still alive, only 25%(or so)
are stable/healthy. leaving the other 25%(or so...lol)on life support systems.

and i might be "generous" w/ these figures of mine.

jhef83

Right now I'm sitting at home babysitting my 2 Granddaughters while my wife takes a 2 week trip out of state with her Mom, Aunt and Grandparents. She's been taking care of them since they were born. I decided to step up and do it while she's gone. This is my vacation. I'm trying very hard to make her happy but not getting much in return. She's called a couple times a day to check on us but never talks long. I think she's told everyone but me she misses them, she does tell me she loves me though. I'd love to hear her say she misses me. I tried to talk to her about us earlier this year but she gets defensive so now I just act like it doesn't bother me. I miss her but not like I would have a year or so ago. I don't know how much more I'll put up with. It all depends on her. I've already made it clear I want our marriage to work. I'm not nearly as depressed about it as I was. I'm getting an F'it attitude. Still got 12 days till her return and I never watched these girls for more than a day before so this is nerve racking. I little about my wife, she had a hysterectomy, has no ovaries, has thyroid disease, refuses to take hormones and we haven't had sex in 4 long years. She weights over 200 due to her thyriod, she was skinny when we married but I still think she's beautiful. Her eyes are gorgeous. Me I work 10-12 hours a day do most of the house work and satisfy myself looking at porn late at night which is getting old. I need some passionate sex. And I want it with her. But I don't see that happening. So why an I here? Waiting it out I guess.

PoppyRivera

I am in a marriage where it's painful to stay and painful to go. There are so many reasons that I'm still here. My son, my disability and afraid that I won't be able to get medical help where I want to go. My last reason is of course selfish. I don't want my marriage to end. I didn't get married to get a divorce. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage were he seems to hold resentment and regret towards me and our son. I don't know what's going on, every thought that's going through my mind is quietly screaming "cheating, affair, lying" and asking him doesn't get me any honest answers. I'm confused, depressed, worried and . . .I don't know what else.

63Vino

Good point and YES you are being generous with your figures.

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crushedsoul

I too am in a marriage that I stay because of my children. At this point that is the only reason I am staying. I love my kids so much I cannot leave them. If I were to leave her, her and her family would do everything they could to hurt me by not seeing my children. I am so upset and confused. I am sorry I didnt' give you any advise, I am new to this as I have no one to talk to.