Help me understand?

Viper2 · 07-10-2010, 01:05 PM

I am confused and don't understand how. I'm not confused about getting divorced I'm confused about the almost bizarre events. First her past (20yrs) Cocaine,jail 2x bounced checks,sexually active,abortion. Finally long b-4 I met her on the straight and narrow. Now fast forward. Married 11 yrs a bit rocky she fights dirty talks to girlfriends allot,complains but wont talk with me ends up fighting about small things. Has lied to me about issue with car,blamed me because I would be mad. No history of that,fact I knew what happened and said nothing. Now divorcing and this is where it gets bizarre. She has apartment 2 miles from house still having sex and agrees to separate and try working out.One weekend Divine,calls me talks about wearing my tee shirt had wonderful time. After 3 days had a small disagreement. At day 5 she whats me to sign the papers has moved on and makes a statement she doesnt love me anymore. What??? How do you go from having a great time to I dont love you anymore? She is a narcissistic person w/panic attacks but what is going on. To the best of my knowledge no other man and I tend to believe her when I look into her eyes and she makes that statement so what gives??She is 43 me 56 but age never seemed to be an issue at all,in fact she has a tough time keeping up with me.

Viper2 · 07-10-2010, 04:24 PM

Ithink everyone including me is stumped. Something has happened and she is unwilling to talk about it I can sense it. But this on-off-0n-off is plain weird.

keke1 · 12-26-2010, 09:56 PM

Get out and stay out....you can and will find love again...the great advantage you have you are the man the pursuer so once you have healed start your pursuit....go to theraphy...talk it out it with the therapist....heal...and move on....

Good Luck!!!

sisters359 · 12-26-2010, 10:57 PM

Sorry to hear you are in this situation.

It's pretty typical of some mental health disorders for people to move rapidly from one mood to another--like loving you one moment, blaming and hating you the next (mostly triggered by conflict). You say she is narcissistic; is that an actual diagnosis or something you have observed (which appears to be pretty astute on your part, given the behavior you noted).

Will she agree to counseling, or is everything that is happening "your fault" (according to her)? If she is unwilling to get help--for the marriage, and maybe for herself--then the way you read her may be correct and she will never change b/c she will assume you are always the one with the problem.

If you can get her to agree to counseling, then give it a try, because it sounds like you'd prefer to reconcile. A good therapist can help direct both of you to better communication, but it all depends on whether she is really willing to try. Otherwise, you might just be in for more pain and moving on would be best for you.

It's also possible that her behavior is really irratic b/c she is very confused, but it does not sound as much like that. Still, someone reading it from a website does not have a great handle on it; your perception is probably more accurate. What do you think is going on?

Anyway, these are just some thoughts and maybe they will help. I wish you luck and God's blessing in working throught it, no matter where that takes you.

major misfit · 12-27-2010, 12:08 AM

The first thing that popped into my mind was a mental health issue as well. Without a diagnosis and proper treatment, you could be beating your head up against a brick wall if this is the case. And you'll go nuts yourself trying to figure it all out, if she does have a mental issue.

I agree...STAY out. No more sex. No more "good times". Just let her go. No doubt there is another woman out there who will love you, if that's what you want for your life. Sounds like you're better off without this one, I hate to say. Sometimes that's just the way it is.