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Old 09-15-2010, 02:32 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I stay or go?

Definitely. I, too, covered for DD's dad, and made excuses to everyone else, too. I was finally taught that my doing that is perpetuating the poor treatment because he suffers no consequences.
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Old 09-17-2010, 03:37 PM   #77 (permalink)
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I think it's time you read this whole thread again because too much is repeated over and over. That means you understand but you're not doing it. This time through, read it as if it's not you who wrote it and the respondents are not talking to you but to someone else. Write responses you would tell this person. Examine how they are different from what the person stated and what you would tell her and how they differ from the advice this person was given. Some of your last posts didn't make sense, particularly about him wanting to do things you previously asked him to do. It feels like you are in complain and victim mode and unable to step out of it. It's time to stop complaining and get a clear picture of what you are dealing with and what you want to do about it. Reading through again should give you more perspective or a different perspective.
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Old 09-18-2010, 08:26 AM   #78 (permalink)
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I did as you requested,Susan. I sound so negative and yes I do feel I am in victim mode.
I am doing things to change this. Still reading Love Busters and discussing things with hubby. This weekend hubby and son went camping for boy scouts. My hubby actually PACKED his own bag and got all the equipment down so I could load it easily. Normally he does nothing! I found stuff he missed, but I wasn't upset because he at least tried.
I plan to finish love busters this weekend but I also want to spend some time with my daughter. We don't get much time to do that.
I am leary as to how thing will go. We are in the beginning stages of yet another crisis. My mammagram came back with weird so I had an ultrasound. They called yesterday, and I have to go in because they found a nodule( I am not even sure what that is) so now I have to get a compression done. This was my first mammogram and now I can feel the panic hitting. What if something is wrong? Is he going to be ableto handle it or is just going to ignore it? What about the kids? I know it could be anything, but I started feeling a tenderness under my arm but I thought it was from excercising. Now it worries me.
I am trying to work on it, I just need to breathe and take the bad as set backs but I also feel I need t vent my frustration. I have held it in for so long. Bear with me, Susan. I am getting to that place, I just need to stop stumbling.
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Old 09-18-2010, 11:29 AM   #79 (permalink)
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tamara, don't worry before you need to. Nodules can be a lot of things. I actually got some from drinking too much caffeine! I stopped the Cokes, and they went away! Talk about a caffeine headache, though!
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Old 09-18-2010, 01:26 PM   #80 (permalink)
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I am trying not to. I hate when the doc office is so impersonal and unclear. Plus, I am a planner! It is hard not knowing to at least get a plan! It is driving me nuts!
Hubby texted goodnight last night and good morning today,more than he has done in the past. I like that he is giving me updates on our son too.
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Old 09-18-2010, 01:41 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I stay or go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tamara24 View Post
Bear with me, Susan. I am getting to that place, I just need to stop stumbling.
I wasn't being intolerant or impatient or anything. I thought you needed to see it all again because it's easy to get caught up in each individual moment as they happen.

Try not to worry too much, at least until you know what is going on. I'm sending powerful healing thoughts your way.
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Old 09-18-2010, 07:45 PM   #82 (permalink)
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I have never thought of you as impatient or intolerant. I value your opinion,Susan. It was good to look at it the way you described. It made me wonder if I show all that negativity to him as described by me. I hold back saying things because I avoid fighting about it,but I don't like all the negativity.
It made me think how I need to focus on the positive and not dwell so much on how things don't go my way or how I would do it.
I am half way through love busters,plan to finish tonight/in the morning. I recognize myself in all the he describes. I am putting a new plan in place to stop the bad behaviors that are hurting both of us.
He is still upset that I am in withdrawn stage.I plan to address that when he returns. I have been upfront and honest about how I feel. He needs to respect that it is not going to change overnight and we both need to work on it.
Thank you for the thoughts,they are greatly appreciated!
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Old 09-23-2010, 04:02 PM   #83 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I stay or go?

stop : Decide what yo want then do it:
You ll be dead all too soon so dont wait
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Old 09-24-2010, 02:19 PM   #84 (permalink)
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I have made some decisions. I have finished reading both love busters and his needs,her needs. I can identify things that I do.Hubby is still on love busters and is a slow reader so I am waiting for him to finish before discussing anything.

I surprised myself this week. I know that I am beyond burned out and on a verge of a nervous breakdown.I bought a plane ticket and I am going to see my grandmother for a week. She lost my grandfather last year and has wanted me to come. I have never left kids with hubby nor have I ever left by myself for any great length of time. I am taking a week but I am having panic attacks if I have made a rash decision.
I felt I needed to look at things from outside the box. I am to cluttered to deal with anything like this and I see myself in a vicious circle and can't stop.
I hope I made the right choice. Hubby promised to read the ooks while I am gone and I am going to use the time for reflection.
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Old 09-24-2010, 02:26 PM   #85 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I stay or go?

That is an EXCELLENT decision!
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Old 09-24-2010, 09:56 PM   #86 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I stay or go?

Wow!

I've been lurking on this site for a little while. This thread is exactly what I needed to read. Of course the life details are different, but I am in exactly the same place. This advice is perfect for me as well.

I will probably post my own story, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I see so much of my life in your story. I also feel so tired and completely emotionally drained. I guess I need to get busy!

Thank you so much for sharing.
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Old 09-25-2010, 01:50 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Thank you. I hope all turns out well for you.
I don't know what the heck I was thinking. Yes, I do, but really, what was I thinking?
I have all kinds of food out to cook bake and freeze so they will hve dinner and I am thinking, not enough time.
Daughter just cries even with me reasurring her. Hubby just keeps asking, why are you going,why?
I answer because I need this. I think he is afraid I won't come home. I think he should use this time to think and be with his kids. Maybe he will get a feel of what I go through.

I don't know, I am panicking. What if the kids get sick?,what if I need to go gt one of them from school? What if son starts swelling and how is hubby going to deal?
Talk me down,talk me down!
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Old 10-01-2010, 07:09 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Day three of my mini relief week. Hubby couldn't handle paperwork for field trip,then of all weeks, the science fair paperwork comes out and hubby tells son, he has no clue.
Getting calls from daughter at six in the a.m. that son can't go perform band because he couldn't find his shoes.Are you kidding me???
In the meantime, as I flew here my aunt was admitted into hospital and is a semi coma and both kidneys have failed. I have been taking my grandmother to the hospital and making sure she is eating.
The deal with hubby is causing some major love busters. I can tell he has not read the books. Part of me says breathe, they are not used to mom not there to handle things . The other says, come on!get with the program.I have sons science teacher calling me, emailing counslors. Hello, can I get a break?
So frustrated!
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Old 10-02-2010, 04:17 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I stay or go?

I know this will be hard, but LEAVE IT ALONE! You are gone, HE is in charge. Let him deal with it, suffer the consequences, and learn from it.
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Old 10-02-2010, 10:27 PM   #90 (permalink)
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I did that today. I got three calls from the kids and I just stated that I was not there and dad needed to handle it. I also think his mother gave him a talking to because his aunt saw how much they were caling and hubby complaining about the kids.
He started complaining today and I just informed him that I was at the hospital and could not talk. Then I refused to answer the phone. I think he got the message.
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