Unless your husband has cheated on you previously, I think your reaction and treatment of him is actually way out of line.
Your post made me see red flags all over the place - none of them a result of your husband's behavior, but yours.
Reality check. He's on a friggin glacier in a tent, where his job sent him, probably fending off swarms of mosquitoes. Not exactly a seduction scenario.
You indicate that you have trust issues - if your husband is the source of those trust issues, then you probably should leave.
If he isn't the source - and you want to stay married, then I strongly urge you to get some professional help. Relying on him consistently modifying his behavior so that you feel 'better' doesn't help your marriage in the long run.
If you can't find a positive and healthy way to express your misgivings without undermining him or accusing him - your doomed anyway.
I absolutely agree that "Relying on him consistently modifying his behavior so that you feel 'better' doesn't help your marriage in the long run."
The honesty issues are about 3 separate affairs. Physical and hidden affairs, while I was flying, in another country or state, out of town period. I thought when I 'retired' and finished school, started an online business and was at home, he would be happier and not 'stray.' And he hasn't that I know of, I haven't even suspected it. 2 of the affairs he doesn't know I know of. That is a HARD thing to keep to oneself.. so I hope that goes to show I'm not overly accusatory. I made ONE statement to him about not being the most trustworthy person and I stated that in my original post. I regretted that comment deeply, however I recognized what I had done and stopped it right there.
He has also lied a LOT about hiding porn on the computer. LOVELY to find on accident! haha Neither of these things have happened for at least a year. I think b/c we are 'working' on our relationship with books and talks etc.
When I say 'intimate' situation.. I certainly did not mean to imply that I think it's a seduction scenario. One thing we do together often is camp, and pack in the wilderness, every place we live. It's just our lifestyle. I'm pretty familiar with how 'sexy' camping can be haha!
I thought that discussing things calmly WAS a healthy and rational way to go about disagreements. Both he and I work very hard on communicating. AND like I mentioned in the first post, I don't believe he would do anything actively. I think someone would have to start it.
BUT as much as that crosses my mind, I don't really believe that's what's going on (also stated in 1st post), I think my issue here is feeling powerless. It's the best way I can explain it. He doesn't ask how I FEEL about a situation. Even though I realize he HAS to do some things for work.. he doesn't ask how I FEEL and then goes and does it (whatever it is) without my opinion or discussion (that's what we are continually working on.. we are really good at it sometimes and other times, he lays down and doesn't talk no matter what). That makes me feel like he doesn't care what I think or feel. Maybe he knows how I feel, but would rather not discuss it and just do what he wants.. does that make sense?
I've discussed going back to my old job (I have an offer) for about a year now.. 3 separate larger talks and lots of mini-talks...it's ongoing.. I turned down 3 offers last year because he said he REALLY likes eating dinner with me every night and having me at home. I wasn't ready and I liked that too, so I turned those offers down. Now, I have another offer. We've been talking about it since spring because I knew it would come... and I try really hard to get his honest feelings.. just to make sure that he won't be depressed or frustrated while I'm gone.. which I'm sure happens sometimes (happened a LOT before). I just want to be sure that while I go and get my career back, our marriage won't suffer too terribly.
I know it would be nice to say; why can't you just DO what I do...be like me etc etc.. but all I really needed I guess was "how is this going to affect you/us" discussion to feel better about it. Since I didn't get that, I'm a little resentful. I feel that he just doesn't give a s*** whether I'm okay with it or not, because he'll do what he wants and that's that.