Talk About Marriage banner

How often do you cry?

  • Multiple times a week

    Votes: 6 16.2%
  • About once a week or a little less

    Votes: 6 16.2%
  • About once a month

    Votes: 7 18.9%
  • Every few months

    Votes: 18 48.6%
Status
Not open for further replies.

How often do you cry?

Tags
cry crying
8K views 89 replies 38 participants last post by  the2ofus 
#1 ·
Just wondering what's considered normal.
 
#2 ·
Is there really any way to measure what's normal when it comes to crying? People cry from all kinds of things.

Are you talking a few glistening tears or straight up sobbing with hiccups and the whole nine?

I'd say if you're sobbing daily maybe you should talk to someone about that. If you're the softy who gets choked up while watching a touching movie I'd say you're doing ok and don't have anything to worry about.

For me,I'm a stress and frustration crier. When I get so frustrated and feeling beat down I will find a private space and cry it out. Happens at least once a week mostly from work issues.
 
#33 ·
Good point. I don't mean crying while watching movies. I mean crying because you are upset about something. I mean at least a few tears, but it doesn't have to be full out sobbing.
..I tear up very easily watching movies, hearing certain songs -they turn me to complete mush... and I have to turn them off or here comes the faucet..."Cats in the Cradle", "Tears in a Bottle", "Remember When", "Dance with my Father".."Everything I own"... oh the list goes on.....husband always tells me to "get a grip"... but really these are GOOD tears, happiness tears, memory tears, moving tears. I LIKE to be alive unto my emotions... I feel it's cleansing...

Maybe I am a masochist as I enjoy Tear Jerker movies too... so long as a child doesn't get killed.. .or something like
... OMG, I can not handle that movie!

I have also balled reading some of the marriage stories here, especially the sexless... so reading others stories touch me deeply, then I get ANGRY and start writing .....

Though out & about...in person... even at funerals, I RARELY cry, I think my husband has been more emotional than me in this... though I've started to get teary eyed singing in Church (again music).... the songs touched my spirit - even though I'm not a christian, this still happens... or seeing our son do the "Everything Skit"...every time.. or certain dramas our Church puts on....

heartsbeating said: Personally I'm not one to cry often and it's unlikely to be through frustration. Depending on life events, I'd cry a couple of times a year if deeply affected emotionally.

I'm more the type to need space and retreat to music, play an instrument; to have a creative outlet. It's what I did as a teenager when feeling upset. Hours could be spent on the piano. That was my outlet for releasing undealt-with emotion.
This is me too... well twice a year (maybe 3) if deeply affected emotionally...those anger /frustration, feeling harshly judged by a friend....this can BLOW me over.... I allow myself to take this deeply ... then I have to wade through it... and let it go... but I am different than many here, I don't want space.. I need to talk .. my husband is always there.. . I've cried during fights... but these are me being overly dramatic / overly emotional during pms - heck I cry at Hallmark commercials when that is going on!!
It's a little whacked! (never had this intensity till my 40's)

Or I will start Writing... thank God for the delete key!.. as I verbally Rage -then delete knowing this will serve nothing...as I slowly deal with my unruly emotions..... this has always been my "personal therapy"... I have to understand ME.. and work through the who/ the why/ what role I played....face myself .... in any conflict ... I am unsettled until I attempt to make peace with those I care about....as much as I can - yet still be true to myself..
 
#4 ·
I hardly ever cry. I hate to cry!!!!! Makes my eyes puffy and smears my eye liner...

I went through a terribly stressful 2 years a short time ago. Towards the end, last 12 months or so, I couldn't cry! During that time I had to put my dog down and was understandably terribly upset, but I could not cry. It was so strange....
 
#6 ·
I think that also depends on what the something is.

For me,if I'm upset enough to shed tears about my relationship more than once every few months,something is wrong and needs to change asap.That would tell me my frustration level is way too high and things need to be addressed.

What do you feel is normal? Are you upset about something regularly and crying bc of it?
 
#7 ·
During most of my marriage I cried anywhere from once a week to once every couple of months. During the last year of my marriage, it was more like a few times a week to daily.

Since my divorce? Three times in 5 months. And two of those were a direct result of extreme frustration with my idiot ex-husband, while the other was from laughing so hard with my best friend that I nearly wet myself.
 
#8 ·
?.., while the other was from laughing so hard with my best friend that I nearly wet myself.
That is the BEST! I have two friend like that. Must remember the Depends next time we get together!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Cleigh
#9 ·
My wife cries about every other day and has been for the 8 months or so that we've been married. Sometimes it's because of me, sometimes it's not. I am trying to be as understanding and loving as possible.

This morning she couldn't find her work pants and she started crying and hyperventilating. I held for a while and we breathed deeply together, but I don't think that was normal at all. Then that got me thinking about how often she cries, which is why I started this topic, just to see if this is abnormal.
 
#54 ·
OP, I’ve read your responses here and in your other thread and in my opinion your wife is suffering from more than just a few tears shed out of frustration. I don’t know her, am not a clinician (not even on the internet!), so I’m not going to throw around diagnoses but what you describe sounds like major impairment to me. If she cannot function enough to work part time consistently, care for herself/her home, and goes from DEFCON 5 to 1 over misplaced work pants…something deeper is afoot and beyond the scope of internet opinions and advice. Her history of cutting/self-abuse, bulimia, near-death inpatient intervention for her eating disorder, and her recent bouts of weeping and expressions of thanatotic ideas/preoccupation with death, no matter how seemingly benign, should all be taken very seriously and although expense may be an issue given your current situation, you should really consider seeking help for her and yourself. I feel for you and am so very sorry for your troubles and wish you and your wife the best in dealing with this difficult time in your lives. Godspeed.
 
#12 ·
When appropriate...meaning, situations that nobody can do anything about, that are heartbreaking. Once I have the cry, I don't need to repeat it. I get over the situation, as it can't be remedied or is now water under the bridge, and carry on.

If it's something that I can do something about, then I don't cry. It's possible to take deep breaths and gather oneself together without crying, or panicking.

With the wife who cries because she can't find her pants, it's possible she has some kind of biological cross-wiring...crying because of being frustrated or panicked (going to be late for work...) usually crying would be the result of the consequence (being late for work, being fired...) but in her case the crying comes as a result of thinking about the consequences of the worst case scenario. Which is made even more probable by the crying...because crying doesn't help anyone find anything, except maybe making a box of tissues appear. Don't enable her, whatever you do. Just calmly state that it's not your problem (even if her being out of a job will be) and step away from the situation...if it doesn't involve you in the first place.
 
#16 ·
I hate crying, it gives me a headache. I cry only if there is a death in the family or some sort of major problem, less than once a year would be my guess.

Not counting sad movies:)
 
#19 ·
I'm a big time boo hooer.

I cry when i'm sad and when I really mad and when I'm laughing so hard it makes me cry, sometime I cry with pride for my kids, i cry at weddings and funerals, i cry when people I love/care about cry (not sure why that happens), I even lost a job once because NO-ONE needs a crying nurse apparently!!! Who figured?

but i have never cried because i lost a 'thing' .... not since i was a little kid.

I'd say your wife needs to learning some coping mechanisms for her crying... and as loving and sweet as you are being...you're possibly enabling the situation somewhat. I learnt to control my breathing... and in turn i can control my tears...sounds similar in some ways to your wife.
 
#20 ·
I don't see a problem with being moved to tears from joy or laughter. That's pretty awesome if you get that excited about something haha. My wife never cries from being too happy though, it's always anxiety or hurt. I completely forgot people cry for other reasons lol
 
#21 · (Edited)
My wife is not a TAM member but reads what I post. She said I can answer on her behalf. My wife is a bit more stoic than other women I had been associated with in my past. This is not to say she lacks compassion, but she chooses her words carefully and thus does not say much. And, she does not wear her heart on her sleeve often. Most of her tears are due to family situations. The death of her father and of course my oldest son who has ASD. The latter one, many tears have been shed by both of us.
 
#90 ·
Omg I cry at anything! If I am happy, I cry. If I am sad, I cry. If I am pissed off, I cry. Watching movies, I cry. I am a big ol' SAP! It sucks to cry when you're angry, it makes me feel like I look weak when that happens.
Weak or manipulative! My mil manipulates with emotions, therefore early in our marriage I was always concerned dh would think I was trying to manipulate the situation.

OP if your wife is crying hard over everything she needs help. A few years back I was just overly stressed for too long and my body showed the signs of it by crying hard at silly things or for no known reason. We worked on repairing my bodys stress response and I'm doing great now. I still cry, always will but not at all the same, now its just my "emotions leaking out" as my husband calls it.
 
#28 ·
My wife was raised in a second generation Japanese American culture. It hard to explain it but they are very protective of their emotions in public. On the other hand, while Hawaiians are from a warrior class of people we are very passionate and wear our heart on our sleeve. I am my wife's yin to her yang. :)
 
#32 ·
I think crying every day at the drop of a hat, needs looking into. I wouldn't consider that normal.

The times I've observed colleagues crying fairly regularly at work have been creative people, and in a culture where they didn't feel supported - and that likely needed to be dealt with - not their emotion. Those feelings have to come out somehow, particularly if it's not communicated and dealt with in a trusted environment. We need people deeply in touch with their emotions though. Isn't that how great art, music and poetry eminates from much of the time? Not necessarily from crying but from the feeling and expression of that. Ideally there's a balance though, as with everything.

Personally I'm not one to cry often and it's unlikely to be through frustration. Depending on life events, I'd cry a couple of times a year if deeply affected emotionally. I'm more the type to need space and retreat to music, play an instrument; to have a creative outlet. It's what I did as a teenager when feeling upset. Hours could be spent on the piano. That was my outlet for releasing undealt-with emotion.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#41 ·
I think crying every day at the drop of a hat, needs looking into. I wouldn't consider that normal.
I agree. I think if one cries daily or a few times a week even, perhaps the person should look at what's driving them to tears. Sometimes I think certain people are overly sensitive and thin skinned. They perceive criticism in everything even when none is intended. It's no fun to be with someone who is in victim mode.

I have to work with a woman who takes so many things personally. One has to walk on eggshells talking to her. We work in a male dominated industry. Once she cried at work over something that wasn't even stressful (by the standards of our industry or even normal office practices), she left work early even though it was still around 10:00 a.m. To this day, people still remember that incident and it doesn't reflect well on her. Is that fair? Perhaps not. But crying at work because you're frustrated is a seriously career limiting move. You might as well kiss goodbye any hope of getting a promotion because you'll be perceived as too weak for the rigors of management.
 
#34 ·
I'm also an easy one to cry. Over anything. Happy tears, sad tears, proud tears. I have a dog that I love so much I sometimes cry just thinking about how much I love her and how glad I am to have her in my life. Movies, music, daydreams, memories (good or bad), some of these posts here on TAM, and the list goes on. I cried when a co-worker told me her brother died. We aren't even close friends, just co-workers. By the time we parted ways she was trying to console ME. That's a twist! I'm just a very emotional person and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I used to try hard not to but it was useless. Now, I give in to it.
 
#36 ·
I am emotional, too, Daisy. And I have given up on controlling it, too. Actually, not sure I ever did try to control it, lol.

I was crying like crazy here yesterday morning, after catching flack on active listening and some other stuff. I am so sensitive. I think that's why I care so much about people.

And I just don't think I'll ever be tough. Or not let things bother me. And I am becoming okay with that. Somebody has to have that tender heart of flesh, right?
 
#38 ·
Aww, JLD. :( People can be such jerks. I think you're a nice person and I like seeing your posts around TAM demonstrating kindness and compassion towards others. If people are unkind to you, especially when you so obviously mean well, then that reflects poorly on them, not you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Anon Pink and jld
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top