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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 08-18-2010, 08:34 PM Thread Starter
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married a serial marrier?

When I met my husband I never really thought about the fat he had been married three times before, people tried to tell me he must have issues but I just saw it as bad luck, besides he had an explaniation for each break up... then while we were engaged I found out he was living with someone else and they had a child together, I was completly devestated and could not understand how this happened... I had just fininshed university and had my whole life ahead of me, before him previous boyfriends had cheated on me and alot of my friends had said I am too trusting, but when I fell for my husband I thought he was soo different from anyone I knew, and he truly loved me.

I went through with the wedding, partly because I did not want to loose him and partly because I could'nt face calling the whole thing off. Since then I have found porn on his phone, he exchanged numbers and was flirting with a bar maid from the local pub... I explained to him when we got married that he needed to build the trust up by showing me he has changed that meant no innapropriate relationships with women.
I became pregnant 6 months ago and have recently found out he had been giving lifts to a girl from work and going for drinks with her, I do not drink and have issues with the amount of alcohol he drinks and how much it is costing us. The woman in question basically told me that although nothing happened physically he was being an emotional support to her and that the invite for more was vey much there on his part.
It kills me as I have had a difficlut pregnancy and whilst I was working 12 hour days he has been using the opportunity to sneak around behind my back..

He denies the fact he has actually done wrong and lays the blame at my door for not trusting him, we are now living apart and everytime we speak it hurts me more because he is so cold.. I have gone through all this pain and now feel like if I an't make this work and to be a family it was all for nothing and will become just another single mum.

Is there anyone out there who has married someone who has been married several times before, or am I the only fool?

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 08-18-2010, 10:19 PM
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Re: married a serial marrier?

My heart really breaks for you. This should be one of the happiest times in your life, but you're having to deal with all of the marital problems. I've not been in you shoes, but I have an opinion. I honestly don't think this man is going to change. Have you ever spoken to any of his ex-wives? I have a feeling the three bad marriages ended because he was cheating.

Hope things improve for you!
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 08-19-2010, 07:24 AM
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Re: married a serial marrier?

I wouldn't have married him, but that doesn't make you a fool. You fell in love. Telling you what you should do about this is hard, considering you are pregnant right now. Pregnancy hormones, even after the birth, can wreak havoc on your emotions. Sometimes you blow things out of proportion; sometimes you don't give them enough importance. You make a decision; then you change your mind.

My best advice to you right now would be to focus on your pregnancy, and the baby once the baby arrives. Give it a few months after the birth, maybe even 6 months or so, to get your hormones a little settled, and then look at the situation and decide what you want to do. Personally, I think he probably got divorced 3 times because he got caught cheating. And I think if he cheated that much, he won't stop now. In the end, your best option would probably be to divorce him. But I hesitate to tell you to do it now, because with the pregnancy hormones, you could regret it not because it was the wrong decision, but because those hormones can really mess you up. Good luck!
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 08-23-2010, 11:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: married a serial marrier?

Thank you for your comments, I think your right my best option right now is to do nothing and concentrate on me and decide once my baby is here, but it is sooo hard knowing whenever he walks out the door what hes up to, I can't help but fly off the handle, I wouldn't know how to get in touch with the ex's and maybe that is a closet door I don't want to open, I just don't know every option is a hard one. but again thankyou, It's jsut good to talk about it.
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