sailorgirl

It's been a few months since I've been here. I came here because my hubby and I have had sexless marriage for almost 15 years now.

I don't kow if it's the rain or what but I am horribly sad today. I just want to hop in my car and drive. And just keep going.


I had to take my hubby's car into the shop yesterday. I saw my mechanic. I've had a crush on him now for about 8 months. I know it's not healthy. But I think part of my sadness today is due to that. It felt really nice to see him again. He has such a friendly smile. We chated for a little while about nothing in general. Just chit-chat. I like the sound of his voice. I wish I could have some exuse to see him.

But then I feel so freaking pathetic for having a crush on the mechanic. The mechanic has never shown any interest in me other than being friendly. And he seems friendly with everyone who comes into the shop. I think part of my sadness today is that. Knowing I'm not anything speical to my husband, as well as not being anything speical to any other male either.

I keep telling myself I'm a married woman. I should not have these feelings for another man. Esp. one that isn't going to return my feelings. Then I ask myself--Just who am I'm thinking of when I say that? Neither my hubby or the guy I have a crush on is returning my feelings.

Sorry ladies. I just needed to get that out of my system. I just hate it when I get hit with this wall of sadness.

cbd2010

sailorgirl,

Am so sorry to hear you're having a rough day. I know what you mean, about wanting to just get in the car and leave. I have had the same feeling often in the past couple of months - and yes, for some reason, rainy days just reinforce that feeling. It's so hard to be in a situation where you feel like no-one wants you or thinks that you're anything special. It makes you just want to shut out the world.

Don't know that I have any advice - just wanted to let you know that someone's thinking of you...

sailorgirl

Thanks. Sometimes it just helps to have someone to commiserate with. I feel like I have to project being happy all the time, even when I'm not. I have to be happy, or at least fake it for the kids, for my husband, for work, for friends.

ChanelSL

Sorry you are having a bad day! No fun. I know how you feel though.... I too want to just drive away some days. And for me it's not the mechanic, the comcast guy. SILLY! Just want you to know you are not alone!

cbd2010

I know exactly what you mean, sailorgirl. At work, I have to pretend like everything is normal, and that nothing is bothering me... same with friends and family. It's so hard to keep it all inside all the time.

As ChanelSL said, you are definitely not alone!!