lily08

My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years, together for almost 9. We have a 1 year old son together. We have been through two deployments to Iraq and other small separations due to the military. We are a great team, a great partnership and we are the best of friends. So what is wrong with us?

I am so bored and have been for almost 3 years. We have been "working on it" and even had my son thinking it would help. Here we sit, a year later, more distant than ever. We go on dates, we go out with friends, and we spend time alone. We never have sex unless we are drinking and I can't stand that. I am a very sexual person and would like to have sex a lot more than once a week or once a month.

I am ready to separate and he is unahppy too. We just don't know what to do. Do we go to counseling or do we separate?

draconis

Why do you feel bored? Is it the lack of sex or the lack of connection with him? Have you tried hobbies or a part time job just for yourself?

draconis

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swedish

I would definitely opt for counseling first. It sounds as though you both need to reconnect as a couple. Have you tried initiating sex in the morning, etc. ? Maybe he needs to remember how satisfying it can be when your head is clear.

Deejo

You should go to counseling, to decide if you should separate.

Counseling will be beneficial regardless of the choice you make. It will most certainly make both of you take a good look at reasons for, or against, trying to work things out.

michzz

Have you considered that the deployments to Iraq have been traumatic?

Worth exploring.

And if you want more sex, please do not think you have to wait until he approaches you. I suggest you try to seduce him. You take the risk of asking.

Someone needs to break the ice and reconnect. Might as well be you.

and as far as separating goes vs. counseling?

Go to counseling before making such a decision.

lily08

There is a lack of sex due to a disconnect. We don't know how to reconnect. We have tried what we feel is everything. I worked full time until last week. I'm going back to school and so is he. I think the separation of doing things alone will be good for us.

I have always been the one to initiate sex. I want him to initiate it. And I want him to want me, not need me. There is a huge problem of a child parent relationship. I am the stronger, organized one, plus I am now mom. It is easy to boss him around, even though I don't want to; but I know I can and that bothers me so much. What do I do? I cannot connect with him, I don't want to have sex because of the disconnection. I'm lost, we're floating.

michzz

If your son is only a year old I'm thinking that you need a full medical evaluation, which includes how you are feeling emotionally/mentally since you've had a baby.

A lot of women feel strangely in the wake of having a child. The hormonal soup you've been in while pregnant and just after can be difficult to cope with and it effects your mood. in some cases, it leads to postpartum depression.

Get yourself evaluated to see if the troubles are related to this or not.

lily08

I definitly don't think it is post partum since this issue has been going on for 2 years. I am thinking more about my future and being happy. I want to be happy for my self, but also for my son. I want to do what is best, and that is working things out with his father. But, I just don't no where to start or how to tear down the barriers I have put up.