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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 09-17-2010, 07:49 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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Unhappy Parental Control

This isn't so much about marriage as it is about our parents effecting out marriage. But I'm tired of being so frustrated all the time by the littlest things they do. So tell me if I'm out of line here or if I'm legitimately got something that needs to be said.

1st--- The Lesser of Two Evils--- When I married my husband, I was well aware that he was an only child and as such his mother felt a need to dote on him. Never really having a maternal mother with time for me, it was refreshing... at first. Now that we have our own place, she likes to bring me dozens of cookbooks, misc. tools for the kitchen, curtains, washcloths, you name it. I'm no cook, and I'm not interested in learning how to be a great chief. Our kitchen is being overstocked on things we never use, we have 3 times as many curtains as we do windows, and I'm running out of storage space.

His parents are also packrats, so if I get rid of them, she'll ask for it a week later. I've told her time and again that we don't need all these things. She also tells me how I'm being wasteful in my home.... like having a liner for the shower so it won't drip on the floor. If she doesn't approve of something, she corrects it without asking. And if I tell her not to she gives me that 'mothers know best' look. I love her like my real mother, but that also means I don't know how to draw a firm enough line with her.

2nd--- The Greater of Two Evils--- My mom is not much better. Only she's not a packrat. So if she sees something she doesn't think is necessary, she q&a's be about it till she makes her point and gets rid of it. She comes over, since she lives out of town, and stays for up to a week at a time. This behavior has almost gotten us evicted before and she refuses to admit there's any problem.

She also uses a LOT of utilities. In 5 days she's used at LEAST 5 rolls of tp on her own... and doesn't pay us back for it. Meanwhile she is constantly cleaning our bathtub and toilet. She saw the first few sentences about momma-in-law and got all offended that I called her not maternal and exited the page without my consent. She's known for being controlling and over-bearing, and I just can't seem to say no to her for some reason. But everytime she mentions she's coming over and I say no, she tries to negotiate with me so my husband and I feel like we never get alone time anymore. Then she'll say she'll leave a certain day and stay longer than that even after I put my foot down on it... or she'll be back within 4 days.

We can't take much more of her. Me saying no just goes one ear and out the other. She thinks she's loved and wanted like a queen, but really we've made it as clear as we can that we want her out. How do I get through to such dense mothers?

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 09-17-2010, 08:15 PM
breeze's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,991
Re: Parental Control

Move further away? Just kidding

You're going to have to just put your foot down. My MIL is a hoarder as well, and I don't have too many issues, but my SIL has a few with it. She just said enough is enough and refuses to take any more stuff. Stop being 'too nice'. You don't have to raise your voice or anything, just imagine being an rock that they can't get passed. You'll have to be more blunt with your mother. Say you're too busy for visitors, or that you want time alone with your husband this week.

Good luck
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