MJW_01

I am writing now because I need a womans advice. Heres the issue-

My girlfriend (25 y/o) and I (32 y/o) have been together for four years now. I proposed to her two years ago and at first she said yes and then the next day said no. We now have a beautiful daughter together. She has brought up marriage however I now am extremely insecure about it because of the previous turndown.

Now with the current situation- On Easter I came home and overheard a conversation (that i should not have heard) she was having with her friend. She told her that I was a bad father, and that she knew that i was cheating on her (which I was not) and that she had already arranged moving in with her mother. At that point I was extremely hurt and upset and proceeded to tell her that she could leave now and that there was no reason for her to stay. Needless to say she did not move out till the week of July 4th. Now she says that alot of it stemmed from me being gone all the time and not taking her feelings into consideration (guilty). I currently own a security company and work nights. I was also doing sidework remoldeling a friends basement during the day for approximatly six weeks. During this time period she got the impression that I no longer wanted to be with her and that I was cheating on her. She also stated to me that I became more involved with my friends than i was with her (guilty again). I began to really pull away and sink into my own little hole. I had asked her to stay but she seemed to have made up her mind stating that she could not take being put in second place anymore (guilty as charged). I love this woman with all my heart and truely want to work this out. I dont want my daughter to grow up without a stable home and family as i did. I guess my question now is what can i do to get her to trust that i am willing to change all this and get our relationship back on track?

I just read (in two days) Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It gave me a lot of insight on what I had done wrong in the relationship, but told me nothing as far as what to do when a woman has given up on the relationship and moved out. I know I dont need her, but do want her in my life. She fills that void in my life when I feel that i have failed at everything else.

JustMe

#1. I think you DO need her, and she needs to know that! You may not need her financially, and you may have lots of friends, but I think you know that nothing compares to the love and support of a steady woman, so yes, you DO need her. Tell her!
I'm not sure how far gone she is, but you may still have a chance if you cut back on the side jobs for friends. Are you getting paid for them? If so, do you need the money that badly, or are you just super helpful when it comes to buddies needing help? I get it if that's the case, but she needs you to be with her right now. Buddies come second always! I know that's hard, as I have a couple of friends who I would do anything for. Anything, that is, except give up my husband!
Is it absolutely necessary that you work nights? If not, think about rearranging that too. Night-time is the lonliest for us women, usually. During the day we have kids to chase, errands to run, and a house to keep. All of that keeps our minds occupied. At night, when the kids are in bed, the house is picked up, and the room gets dark, we want someone to cuddle with, or at least just be there in the house, close, so we know we're safe. At least that's how I feel. My husband spent a year in Iraq with the Army and daytime was bearable, but night-time just plain sucks.
Good for you for reading the 'Men are from Mars...' book. I truly think that book helped to save my marriage at one point. It helped me realize that men do not think like women and we women certainly don't (usually) think like men. Sounds like you really want things to work, so at least you have that on your side.
I'm sorry you got falsly accused of cheating. Unfortunately, for alot of women, that's the first place the mind goes when our husbands seem to want to be away from us alot. It may be hard to prove that you weren't and to get her trust back, but give it a good shot!
Hang in there!
(By the way, you asked for a woman's opinion, so I gave mine. No offense intended!)

Kysmom

Hi! I am 25 and my husband is 32 and we also have a child, so we have that in common. I think my husband has a lot of the same problems that you admitted having, but I could never see him admitting it. I think that it's amazing that you are doing all this to try to fix your relationship. It really shows how much you care. You need to let her know how much you are willing to do do in order to win back her and her trust. There is nothing a woman wants more than to know that the man she loves really wants her and would do anything to keep her in their life. Good luck, and although I don't know her personally, I'd be willing to bet that your girlfriend still loves you, but has just been feeling rejected.