I need a woman's pov on this, please. I'm a 32 year old man, and I've been with the love of my life for 10 years. We have a wonderful little boy together, and I thought things between us were great. I used to say "it'll rain whales before my wife ever cheats on me."
Last Friday night, Shamu landed in my lap. My wife confessed to having had a year long affair with another man (and I use that term loosely). I was shook to the core. I trembled all over. I guess she thought that, even though I've never, ever raised a hand to her, that I would hit her after she dropped that bomb on me. I did not. She began crying, and I held her. I hugged her. I kissed her forehead.
I told her that I couldn't understand why she did this to me and our son, but that I still loved her. She cheated on me for a whole year. She even slept with her...thing...in my own bed
while I was at work. She performed...favors...on him and later on kissed me!
Was I furious? You better believe it. But, let me give you the backstory. My wife and I were madly in love when we first got together. It pained us to be apart for even a day. You know that feeling, right?
We got married when she was 19 and I was 24. Now, there has not been ONE SINGLE DAY that I have not pulled my wife to me, held her against my chest, kissed her, and told her how beautiful she is to me. I would regularly do things like order cds she mentioned wanting from Amazon, and have them shipped to her work as a nice surprise now and again. I just adore her, even in light of her affair.
But, at some point I guess I shut her out in other ways without ever realizing I was doing so. She got lonely, and she finally, in a moment of desperation, gave in to the wiles of a guy she'd befriended. She thought he loved her, and she had strong feelings for him. Guess what? He didn't care about her at all.
They ended it 7 months prior to me having found out about it.
She bitterly wept for what she'd done. She said "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I f***ked up everything. You're a wonderful man and I ruined you." I toyed with the idea of having revenge sex with some loose girl, but the idea of touching any woman other than my wife literally makes me nauseous. I even tried to go
to a strip club, but only made it as far as my driver's seat. I could not hurt her the way she did me. I did and do still love her completely.
For the first 3 days I sat and stewed. I mean I was a powder keg. I loved her as much as ever, but this pain was unbearable. I finally just snapped. I literally went insane for an hour or so. I smashed every mirror in our bedroom, her vanity, and all her cosmetics. I was so hurt, and still am. Today, after having gotten the rage out of my system, I forgave her. I told her "I just want to be with you. To love you. You're still the wonderful girl I've always loved. You just made a mistake in a moment of emotional weakness."
We decided to remain friends and live together for our child's sake. We've actually been carrying on like best friends all day, and it's been great. Till I overheard her talking to some guy on her cell phone. He had a deep voice, and it resonated well enough for me to hear. It's this guy she met at a club.
He's some med student with a genius iq (mine is only 128, so I guess I can't compare with that). I'm reasonably intelligent, but not in his league. Well, she has told me now that she feels
she married too young, and never got to date around, and she's really excited about doing that. She wants to...I don't know. She refuses to even attempt to repair what we've both had a hand in damaging.
She said to me "I'm still young. I want to enjoy life and experience all these different things."
I just wish I could make her see that the dating scene is not going to fulfill her. She's liable to get hurt, even. All the while, I'll still be here, loving her, waiting for her, ready to accept.
Ladies, how do I get her back? How do I get this nonsense out of her about dating around? She has a child with me, for God's sake! I've cried more in the last 5 days than in the last 25 years combined. I'm in such pain and agony.
She says she loves me dearly, but she doesn't want to try.
Please, advise me. I don't want to date again. I'm 32, have a child, don't make a lot of money, so I don't have a lot to offer someone. I have loyalty and love in spades, but that's about it. I just want to make it work with the woman I love.