Confused! Don't wanna beg him, but don't wanna let it go!

greenpearl · 10-16-2010, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsLonely

???
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Means let you think whatever you like!

MsLonely · 10-16-2010, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atholk

Is there someone else involved on his end?

Honestly every time on this board someone says a spouse "suddenly changed" on them, there's almost always someone else in the picture.

I agreed. My ex started to change and then I found out there's someone else out there. No matter what I did to please him, he hated it and he's the negative one. He ignored my phone calls and refusued to come home. In the end I only got more beaten and violence to find out there's SOMEONE. lola09's hubby can be faithful, but she might need to figure out what made her husband changed.
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MsLonely · 10-16-2010, 01:28 PM

Good to hear that your husband is faithful to you and he might just be cranky because of your being negative. Are you still able to contact him with sms? How does he contact you?
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lola09 · 10-16-2010, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsLonely

Good to hear that your husband is faithful to you and he might just be cranky because of your being negative. Are you still able to contact him with sms? How does he contact you?
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I haven't contacted him because everyone I've talked to tells me not to, to give him some space. I did fold and call him ONCE yesterday...that's how I knew he turned his phone back on. I would like to txt him and tell him exactly what I feel, but that stuff is better left said in person. He left so angry at me and annoyed he didn't even want to hug me goodbye, but did. He didn't want to kiss me goodbye, but he did (on the cheek). I dunno what to make of that. So like I said, his phone is on...he hasn't contacted me...and I don't think I should contact him either.

MsLonely · 10-16-2010, 01:44 PM

Not even to apologise for being negative? Or find a topic he might enjoy? How do you want to show you're more positive and loving now?
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lola09 · 10-16-2010, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsLonely

Not even to apologise for being negative? Or find a topic he might enjoy? How do you want to show you're more positive and loving now?
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Well I can't really tell him anything because he won't answer my calls. As far as texts, I don't know what I can send him that won't make him more upset at me. :/ And I'm not gonna tell him I'm being positive, I'm planning to show him when he gets back. I'm gonna get rid of everything and make it just like it was when we first lived together. Where we only had eachother and a tv.

If he still doesn't accept my apology or anything after that, at least I got rid of the furniture. :/ But I'm hoping that won't happen.

MsLonely · 10-16-2010, 02:06 PM

Sounds a great idea. Keep us updated.

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Idontknownow · 10-16-2010, 07:41 PM

Call military one source and get yourself counseling as well as couples counseling.

lola09 · 10-16-2010, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Idontknownow

Call military one source and get yourself counseling as well as couples counseling.

Trust me I've already called MilOneSource and set up counseling for myself in my homestate (in case he really does want me to leave). As far as couples counseling, he won't go, he's stuck in the mindset that he's already tried...and it's not working even though we haven't gone to counseling together. He doesn't like the idea of telling people our business, I obviously have no problem because only then you can get some insight.

sisters359 · 10-16-2010, 08:04 PM

I don't understand--he didn't talk to you, he physically abused you, he isolated you from friends, family, hobbies--you need serious help in figuring out why you "love" someone who treated you so, so badly. IF--and that is a big if--you still want to be married to him after that, well, maybe with tons of counseling for the TWO of you, separately and together, it might be possible. But if he won't go, it is a moot point.

Before he went to Iraq, he had all the signs of an abuser--and he has YOU taking the blame!! Please, read up on domestic abuse, emotional and physical. Your marriage sounds like a classic case. Talk to a professional--someone who works with victims of domestic abuse--and get some straight feedback. You may find his leaving was the BEST thing that ever happened to you. I have sympathy for him, b/c he experienced war and nothing is like that--but the TWO of you does not seem like a good idea, certainly not now, and probably NEVER if he cannot accept help. Good luck, and take care of yourself!

lola09 · 10-16-2010, 11:46 PM

Thank you for your words. It's hard to explain why you love someone that has those characteristics. Only thing I can say is he repented and showed me he was a changed man for the past month that he's been back.

On the other hand, I've been resentful and moody to the point where he just got overwhelmed and exploded. Maybe all he told me was out of frustration and anger...but at the same time, whenever we fight, he at least texts me back or calls me or tries to talk it out. This time, he's cut the communication chord completely. I realized my faults and mistakes and I am in the process of making changes so that he can SEE I'm ready to be happy with him again. That we can be happy together. Is that still crazy?

oliviapeter31 · 11-19-2012, 02:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lola09

Thank you for your words. It's hard to explain why you love someone that has those characteristics. Only thing I can say is he repented and showed me he was a changed man for the past month that he's been back.

On the other hand, I've been resentful and moody to the point where he just got overwhelmed and exploded. Maybe all he told me was out of frustration and anger...but at the same time, whenever we fight, he at least texts me back or calls me or tries to talk it out. This time, he's cut the communication chord completely. I realized my faults and mistakes and I am in the process of making changes so that he can SEE I'm ready to be happy with him again. That we can be happy together. Is that still crazy?

I think what you do is not crazy. That is what we call LOVE

. Anybody will do anything for the one they love.