Anxious in my marriage

infinity6977 · 07-24-2008, 03:25 AM

I have been with my hubby for 6 years married for one. We have always talked well, raise my kids from another marriage very well together, went through a death in the family, brain tumor removal, moving,a new job, our sex life is great.
But, lately I am so anxious about us that it seems I make moutians out of mole hills. I don't care for drama in life but, lately I seem to make drama out of everything---he is frustrated and I am so into thinking this will be doomed like my previous marriage(s)--I am a mess-I was much more easy going now I harp on issues we have overly talked about and resolved. It is like I am looking for something to be wrong.

Very anxious---please help

Mrs. Negestie · 07-24-2008, 01:02 PM

When have you noticed the change in your marriage? And if you see your self as the problem then before it spreads you need to see your self as the solution.

infinity6977 · 07-24-2008, 09:20 PM

Thank you so much for taking the time to help. I have not noticed a change in affection,spending time together or sex. He just seems so much more serious and dosen't take joking around about silly things. If a situation comes up like he's on the computer for a long time I will come up to him and kiss or squeeze him and laugh and say"hey, whatcha doin lookin at porn" this was a long time joke between us. Now he will say stuff like "thats old and if I watch porn its with you can't we be over that joke"
He started a new job and I am not sure if it is due to the fact he is now making more money than I do. Or since he has turned the big 31--ha ha he feels like he is in need to be more serious. So I react thinking he is not happy with us----He just seems so eager to prove himself and is taking things so seriously---he still loves and adores me, but I just feel like he is need of more space now and I am not one of those people who need space. I have no idea ---

ljtseng · 07-25-2008, 03:52 AM

I could be wrong but it sounds like you arent looking for something to be wrong. It sounds like you are feeling him become emotionally distant and are trying to provoke the intimacy you once felt. I think of it more as an emotional guessing game. When you feel him pull away you freak out and do something to test the emotional waters between the two of you. And im going to guess you're a little irritated and threatened by his new seriousness. It's very much an emotional yo-yo. After all that you've been through with him, and previous experiences, it seems you've become a little too emotionally dependent on him. To help calm your anxiety you might try claiming some emotional independence by being more curious of who he's becoming rather then thinking about how his mood swings are effecting you. And you might want to do some reading on the subject of codependency.

GemT · 08-20-2008, 03:28 AM

My husband decided to 'grow up' a lot after we got married as well, taking work more seriously, etc. Could be your hubby also now recognizes that he has responsibilities to uphold and a future to secure (with/for you) now that you are married.

It has resulted in my husband being more distant from me sometimes as well but we women need to remember that men have the kind of focused awareness that tends to block out everything else (bless them

). it's hard not to take personally sometimes (particularly when you are used to getting more from him) but it seems to me that he is doing it with the best intentions.

If you say that nothing else has changed, then I wouldn'y worry about it too much. This is what grown, responsible men tend to do.

draconis · 08-22-2008, 01:20 PM

Have you ever put your mindset in the idea that you want there to be termoil to feel the affection?

draconis

pandaprincess · 08-22-2008, 01:36 PM

Have you considered that it might not be you or your relationship? Maybe he has something big going on at work, or he's worried about something outside of the relationship. For people who don't easily discuss their worries and anxieties, they often don't realize that those closest to them can still "feel" when something is amiss. Instead of being anxious, you might try to just gently invite him to let you know what's going on in his life.