I have done things over the years that I thought would make any wife happy, but apparently i was wrong. What did I do? Over the years, we became financially worry free with my income being the highest earning. We bought some land and built our dream house. I cook, clean, and am the main laundry person.
Sounds like you are giving her ALOT of Acts of Service
- doing many "things" for her, making her life carefree - for you maybe this IS
the way you express love- which there is NOTHING wrong with --BUT maybe for her, Her deepest desires may be other expressions of Love - maybe she would prefer more TIME with you, or more Physical Touch (a Passionate sex life). How is the sex life -what happened
? I agree with MEM, it is a very very telling sign .
I am just throwing this out there -cause those are the top of my personal list and I know if my husband was too busy being a work a holic to acheive more stuff, and if he didn't hotly pursue me sexually, I would have gotten extremely bored with him, even though he is a great guy, loving father, kind, excellent provider & still says he loves me every day. Sometimes we simply "want" more. Especially when Mid Life rolls around, I have found this to be very very true for me personally.
We don't argue enough to even mention.
When I hear couples say they never fight or hardly argue with each other, I immediately think to myself "God that must be boring! " & I say to myself -- they can't possibly be communicating honestly with each other.
My husband is very passive, a pleaser, not the type to pick fights, ruffle feathers, but you know what, I MAKE him argue once in a while, I stir the pot -even intentionally, I feel this is healthy, he has even said this is good, "makes for a little excitement" (his words), so long as I don't get carried away.
She now wants a divorce because she says I haven't given her what she has needed emotionally and never do anything to make her feel special. I thought doing all this other stuff would make someone feel special, but I guess not. Can any of you ladies help explain this?
I can attest my husband would tell me he loved me every single day, BUT even this fell short to what I desired
from him. I even complained about that one time saying "what is that, you tell your mother that". -- I wanted to be told "I WANT YOU
", I wanted him to FLIRT with me , tease me, things like that, I needed more "sexual attention", not gifts, not acts of service, not cooking, or changing our 2yr olds diapers. Those things meant nothing to me at all. I wanted his affectionate TIME & LUSTY Attention.
Maybe -just maybe this is the missing emotional thing she is not sharing with you. Especially after being married for almost 20 yrs, we feel like we are getting old, we want to feel young & vibrant again, we want to rekindle Romance & Passion in our lives, we want to know we are still hotly desirable. Shame on us for being so vain but it happens I guess.
Or maybe I am all wet, maybe her Love Language is "gifts" and you haven't brought her flowers in 5 years or something.
If you have never read about the Various Love Languages -here is a thread I started with a link for the book and a test : What R You & Spouse's Love Languages & How does this affect your Marraige?