How can I love my husband when I don't even like him? - Talk About Marriage

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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-06-2010, 12:26 AM Thread Starter
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How can I love my husband when I don't even like him?

That pretty much sums it up.

I truly want to love my husband, I want to like him, respect him, long and ache for a solid and happy marriage. But it's just not there. It's been such a huge disappointment, finding out the person he really is and realizing that this marriage is completely opposite of what I had hoped marriage to be.

Since I know I can't change him, what do I do to get us even on a path that might spare a glimmer of hope? Obviously it's always hardest to see your own faults, I know I have them, but my friends are always shocked and in awe over the things that I do for my husband and the things that I put up with from him.

I've really been struggling. I want out of this pit. Thoughts?

P.S. We've been married 10 1/2 yrs and have 3 kids.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-06-2010, 07:29 AM
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Re: How can I love my husband when I don't even like him?

Well, I love my boyfriend but there are times when I don't like him. He's a really smart guy, but sometimes he gets rather arrogant about it and in moments like that I don't like him. But those moments are far less than the moments when I do like him. I always respect him, though.

If you're finding that you don't like him more than you do like him, I think that's a major problem. You can't change him, you're right. He can change himself, though, if he wants to. And while you telling him yourself about the things you want to be different probably won't work, you could see if he'd be open to marriage counseling, and in that setting, expressing your feelings to a counselor and getting him/her to help your husband see your point might work.

If he won't do that, and won't change, and you're really unhappy with him as things are, then you have to decide if you want to continue living that way for the rest of your life.

I have to be honest, I think the lack of respect is the biggest problem. While you could probably hide your dislike from the kids, I think the lack of respect is less easily hidden. And that would be teaching them first that it's okay not to respect Dad, which isn't really something you want to teach them, but second it also gives them the message that they don't need to respect their romantic partner when they begin dating or get married.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2013, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by greeneyeddolphin View Post
Well, I love my boyfriend but there are times when I don't like him. He's a really smart guy, but sometimes he gets rather arrogant about it and in moments like that I don't like him. But those moments are far less than the moments when I do like him. I always respect him, though.

If you're finding that you don't like him more than you do like him, I think that's a major problem. You can't change him, you're right. He can change himself, though, if he wants to. And while you telling him yourself about the things you want to be different probably won't work, you could see if he'd be open to marriage counseling, and in that setting, expressing your feelings to a counselor and getting him/her to help your husband see your point might work.

If he won't do that, and won't change, and you're really unhappy with him as things are, then you have to decide if you want to continue living that way for the rest of your life.

I have to be honest, I think the lack of respect is the biggest problem. While you could probably hide your dislike from the kids, I think the lack of respect is less easily hidden. And that would be teaching them first that it's okay not to respect Dad, which isn't really something you want to teach them, but second it also gives them the message that they don't need to respect their romantic partner when they begin dating or get married.
Its an old post n I do not know the situation now. Have things changed? I never really liked my H n I do not know if lleaving him is better than living with him. Please advice.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2013, 12:14 PM
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Its an old post n I do not know the situation now. Have things changed? I never really liked my H n I do not know if lleaving him is better than living with him. Please advice.
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My advice... Start a new thread with your details. I think it will be more productive.

Clint
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2013, 12:25 PM
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Re: How can I love my husband when I don't even like him?

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My advice... Start a new thread with your details. I think it will be more productive.

Clint
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2013, 12:26 PM
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Re: How can I love my husband when I don't even like him?

quite honestly after going back and reading some of your other threads, I don't respect him either. And a pastor chatting with women but then being jealous about you and not being willing to improve your relationship shows he is putting his energies else where with no intention on trying to improve the relationship and just not caring. I couldn't respect someone who didn't care enough about our relationship to try to improve it. He doesn't seem to be willing to give an inch on anything.

So why SHOULD you respect someone who repeatedly demonstrates he doesn't care at all about your feelings or opinions? Pastors like him give pastors a bad rep. He needs to get off of facebook, stop chatting with women and start talking to HIS WIFE. Develop friendships with like-minded couples. One retreat 3 years ago is not all the effort he needs to make.

If I were you I'd tell him that his indifference has killed any love and affection you two have and you want a divorce and mean it. If that brings him around to realizing what he is about to loose then great. Otherwise why waste more years and more energy just going through the motions? If there is a God I don't see how he'd like anyone to live like this.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-...-my-story.html

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
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