Re: How can I love my husband when I don't even like him?
Well, I love my boyfriend but there are times when I don't like him. He's a really smart guy, but sometimes he gets rather arrogant about it and in moments like that I don't like him. But those moments are far less than the moments when I do like him. I always respect him, though.
If you're finding that you don't like him more than you do like him, I think that's a major problem. You can't change him, you're right. He can change himself, though, if he wants to. And while you telling him yourself about the things you want to be different probably won't work, you could see if he'd be open to marriage counseling, and in that setting, expressing your feelings to a counselor and getting him/her to help your husband see your point might work.
If he won't do that, and won't change, and you're really unhappy with him as things are, then you have to decide if you want to continue living that way for the rest of your life.
I have to be honest, I think the lack of respect is the biggest problem. While you could probably hide your dislike from the kids, I think the lack of respect is less easily hidden. And that would be teaching them first that it's okay not to respect Dad, which isn't really something you want to teach them, but second it also gives them the message that they don't need to respect their romantic partner when they begin dating or get married.