Husband doesn't show me attention but openly flirts with other women - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-29-2008, 09:04 AM Thread Starter
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Husband doesn't show me attention but openly flirts with other women

My husband and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for a little over a year. He has been a flirt from day one of our relationship which is fine to an extent, I'm a flirt too, but he just doesn't know when to stop. Everytime we go out with friends he shows all of the females attention but he pretty much ignores me. Friday night we went out with a group of friends and he hardly showed me any attention the entire night. I tried to have him take pictures with me and he made dorky faces in every picture but he was quick to jump in the pictures to smile with my friends. He went around grabbing on everybody and dancing up on the girls yet hardly acknowledged me. I know if I were grabbing on some guys crotch the way he was grabbing on the girls boobs he would have went through the roof! He acts like this every time we go out drinking and the more he drinks the worse he gets. I brought this up to him yesterday and he said that he wasn’t grabbing anyone’s chest he just had his hands in front of their chests for pictures so he doesn’t understand why that bothers me. I told him that it isn’t the point of whether he was touching them or not, it’s the point that he completely disrespects me and acts inappropriately towards the opposite sex. I told him that I deserve to be with a man who doesn’t need to seek out attention from other women. He said that he doesn’t seek attention from anyone else and he doesn’t understand why I feel that way. If that is the case than why is he such a flirt? Being a flirt is simply someone looking for attention. You wouldn’t flirt and joke around with other people if you weren’t looking for a response. When I told him that he said that everything he says and does makes me mad so he is in a lose lose situation. I told him that is not true. If he wants to have a conversation with a woman or hang out with a female friend that does not bother me, it’s when he starts talking about something sexual or making jokes or touching other women is when I get mad. I told him that he would never act that way towards his male friends so there is no reason why he needs to be like that towards females. He should treat all females the same way that he treats males. The only woman in his life who should be treated differently should be me, and of course his mother. I just don't understand why he acts this way. I am a very attractive woman but I feel like every time I am out with my husband I'm in competition for his attention with every other woman in the room. His behavior is 100% unacceptable for a married man. I can't be in a marriage where I don't feel like I am my husband's priority. Why does he act like this and what can I do?

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-29-2008, 01:56 PM
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Re: Husband doesn't show me attention but openly flirts with other women

Did he start getting grabby and touchy after you were married? Or has he always been that way? i know you said he was a flirt, but really that's beyond flirty. when did he stop paying attention to you?
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-29-2008, 02:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband doesn't show me attention but openly flirts with other women

He has been this way from day one of our relationship. I guess I just assumed that once we got married his behavior would change. He has always been very flirty with other women and he has been called out on more than one occasion by different people for getting a little too out of line. I think a lot of his behavior has to do with his up bringing because his father is the biggest pervert I know. I think because my husband has seen how his father degrades women than he must think that how he acts is not wrong. I really don't know what else it could be. It bothers me that I receive more attention and compliments from other men than I do my own husband. If he can show all these women attention than why can't he show me the attention?
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-29-2008, 03:06 PM
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Re: Husband doesn't show me attention but openly flirts with other women

I completely empathize with your situation. The problem is he's always been this way and he doesn't see anything wrong with it. Its hard to enough to change a behavior in someone who actually wants to change. I think you need to sit down with him and find out if this is something he is seriously willing to work on and if not, you have to ask yourself if you would be ok with this the rest of your life. If not, and you decide to go your separate ways, try not to feel defeated. You learned something about yourself and what you want from a man. That's the important part.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-29-2008, 03:18 PM
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Re: Husband doesn't show me attention but openly flirts with other women

hi, i havent had the touchy bits that you say your hubby does, but i have had experiences where hubby talks sexual, and looking at other women. well its simply a very uneasy situation they put you in.
half the time he says he doesnt know hes doing it.
i had to tell him of when i caught him talking to our 18 yr old babysitter. ( this ws a few yrs ago) . i told him he ws disgusting and i dont do it with him, so pack it in.
leave a man with another female and they think its an invitation .
so dont let him get in that situation.
we have another sitter now and i dont leave the room. im going to be honest but its not just the men thinking sexually, its the girls as well. n e bit of attention and men fall for it. they think its fun.
my hubby is a carpenter and this yr got a card of one of his clients. a female who implied in her card for my hubby to stop looking at her tits, best part of this ws hubby kept this card in car and i found it a month later. i flipped my bloody lid.
he said forgot it there, but he is quick enough to remind me of my past.
this yr has been a bad yr for us, he had a one night stand. so were recovering from that.
i know this sounds odd, but i do cruise holidays with my family and my hubby, picks up languages quickly. after our second cruise he bought a book to write down the lingo.
ok this ws stuff from 3 yrs ago , but i remember some things being said on our last cruise in may 08. some are easy to remember , although i did not know what they meant.
as my hubby is speaking to the girls, im sitting there like a plank whilst hes telling the girls there really pretty. ( romanian)
well the notebook was used by me, and only by chance i stumbled across all this really naughty talk.
i told him i cant take this n e more. this is inappropriate behaviour from a married man and yes it is,
i dont do his actions. but i have said no more. i wil not accept no more and i wont. i think ive taken to much over this past yr.
and its time to let go if it continues. as long as it stops that fine.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-31-2008, 07:51 AM
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Re: Husband doesn't show me attention but openly flirts with other women

Chris, I think a little flirting is good for boosting one's ego. You mentioned that you also do it. I think when you know your limits and respect each other then a little flirting is harmless. But touching and grabbing is a whole different issue.You also mentioned that he was a flirt from the start. I learned in life that people don't really totally change. There are some things that we observe at the start of a relationship that we ignore hoping they will change. There are always signs when we start a new relationship. I am going through a tough time with my marriage, but I somehow feel if i was observant enough, i would have recognized the problem then. But since you are in already, i think you have to sit and decide if you want to live with his flirting and grabbing the rest of your life, if he doesn't change that is.
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