Is it Honesty or Selfishness?

CaryLeb · 08-02-2008, 08:31 PM

A women (man) cheats on his/her spouse once (for an unknown reason). When people cheat they contemplate the possibility of telling their partner. In doing so, would the act be perceived as honesty or selfishness?

I have yet to hear someone say, "my wife(husband) cheated on me and I was so thankful that s/he was honest about it."

So could it be that the reason why people are so "honest" about their infidelity is ease the guilt of doing it? and wouldn't that be considered selfish especially since this guilt turns into pain, suffering, and insecurity?

ljtseng · 08-03-2008, 12:26 PM

Im having a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that when one is honest about their infidelity they are being selfish. I had always felt it was selfish not be honest about it. I'm just going to have to think on that one.

vlee · 08-05-2008, 09:50 PM

no...i do not agree...i think if someone commits infidelity they need to tell their partner--i thought when you were with someone and loved them there were no secrets, and keeping secrets is not only sneaky but very selfish.

infidelity is a selfish act all in itself and its even more selfish to think its ok not to tell their partner...he or she deserves to know the truth, even if it hurts.

and if one were to cheat wouldn't they want to admit to the awful thing the did?

if they are worried about hurting their partner more by telling them they cheated they shouldnt have cheated in the first place--people need to think about consequences more and realize the grass isnt always greener on the other side

draconis · 08-15-2008, 06:23 PM

If you do not tell your partner then you are compounding the infidelity with dishonesty.

draconis

camelot · 08-22-2008, 01:23 AM

If being honest will be hurtful, then why do it? I think selfishness does play a part in it.

Chopblock · 08-22-2008, 11:23 AM

I get the idea completely: living with guilt STINKS. Its like when you are little and you break a vase and you stew and stew and stew and when you finally come clean, even though you get punished, you feel so much better about not having to carry that burden any more.

Secrets can be huge burdens!

I think a person's willingness to say "I am so glad he/she came clean" is directly related to that person's willingness to work through it.

I deal with finances a lot, and the term "financial infidelity" comes up quite a bit. In one of my circles, a majority of people said they would rather their spouse have an affair than commit financial infidelity!

In those cases, I actually have heard people say "I'm so glad they finally admitted it, because we can move on". I cannot say whether the admission was a bit selfish. I think the person just genuinely felt bad, and felt that he/she deserved to take the consequences.