tmone23

my husband didn't do something that i had asked him to do. He was supposed to make a doctor's appointment for my sister and it needs to be done fairly quickly.He didn't do it coz he says he got busy.I then said i was annoyed and he started shouting at me that there was no reason for me to react like that. I then told him calmly not to speak to me in that way as it was just rude and without respect. He then said.He could talk to me however he pleased and there is no need for him to respect me and he went on and on in that tone. I am thinking that i may be in a verbally abusive relationship but am not sure.Please tell me what you think. He does this plenty of times and i am thinking of leving him220-500

HappyHer

That does sound abusive, but the important thing is do you feel abused?

I would suggest opting for couples counseling or even counseling for yourself before you leave. If it escalates or gets physical though, leave immediately.

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julia71

It's tough isn't it, to be talked to that way? It can slowly erode your self-confidence, your trust, your respect (for him and even yourself), and your love. You'll even start to believe the mean and nasty things he says about you - you won't realize you're starting to believe it, but one day you'll turn around and realize you are believing it. Tell a kid he's stupid long enough, and he'll start to believe it - even if he's not.

How long has it been going on? Verbal/emotional abuse is not much easier to take then physical abuse. People don't realize that - the pain is different - it's emotional, not physical - but it's still very painful. And, for me, I'm finding the emotional pain much harder to heal from than the physical pain. Granted, emotional pain doesn't put you in mortal danger (unless they drive you to suicide). Do you find yourself walking on eggshells? Are you afraid to say things, for fear he'll get aggravated with you and belittle you? Do you hold in comments now that you once would have said, and I don't mean just inflamatory comments, just anything? Do you keep your opinions to yourself, because you know your opinions will only set him off because they aren't HIS opinions and therefore are stupid?

If so, you need to see if you can get him into marriage counseling. If he won't go, then YOU, at least, need to go to a counselor and figure out what is best FOR YOU. You DO deserve respect and he CAN NOT talk to you any way he wants - he's WRONG about that.

major misfit

I was wondering why the sister doesn't make her own dr. appointments...but that's not the purpose of this thread.

Thing is..if you feel the need to ask the question, you very likely ARE in a verbally abusive relationship. Go for counseling. But if he hits/pushes/grabs/shakes leave YESTERDAY.

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River1977

Leaving him is the only advice you should be receiving, so I am begging you to please, please, please ignore anyone telling you to go to counseling or to try anything else. To do anything at all except leave is actually telling you to tolerate the abuse since it will take time for any other attempted remedy to be fail or succeed.Surely my eyes deceive me to see women telling a woman to put up with being abused. Unbelievable! But I guess it is soooo insanely common that women tolerate abuse that they don't know how to tell someone else to handle it.

PLEASE LEAVE NOW!

Once you are out of the house and away from your abuser, THEN the two of you can consider trying counseling. Most women return very shortly after leaving because he begs & apologizes, makes promises to change, and tells her how much he loves her.

But you must believe the begging and apologizing normal and are only meant to serve the purpose of convincing you to return so he can abuse you some more.

The promises to change are futile because he DOES NOT recognize the error of his ways since only counseling can help him do that. He will behave for a few days, and then return to his abusive ways.

And, of course, he will say he loves you and whisper all the other sweet things he knows you want to hear - all the things he did and said to convince you to be with him and fall in love with him in the first place. He is a skillful artist who targeted you so he would have someone to abuse.

But you must leave and stay away until he proves a sincere commitment to changing, which means you should demand he seek counseling and wait for him to attend several sessions to prove himself truly remorseful and making sincere effort.

Incidentally, this is not marriage counseling. Abuse has nothing to do with the marriage. He needs counseling for abusers. If there are other problems in the marriage, then you need marriage counseling, but not for this.

I know that link says "batterers" but domestic violence also includes verbal/emotional/psychological abuse, not just physical abuse.

tmone23

My sister is 16 and live ouside the country which is why he had to make the appointment.Thank you guys, it's nice to know there are people out there who will actually listen to you. I really appreciate it.Somehow i have just found myself withdrawing from him. I mean we talk and everything but I keep thinking about that incident.I should say i am floating right now coz i am just trying to think things through.It is not easy but i am thinking about leaving.

firetiger

Hmm i do feel abused verbally by my husband, recently i discover that he doesn't trust me for something really stupid that happened in the past. But i think he is also trying to control me, this semester i didn't go to school, but next semester i do and here comes the stress again of telling him when i get there, when i go to class, when i get out of class, and when i'm coming home, and once i'm home. This few months he kind of called a few times to check where i was. If i told him i was at my mom's i would know that he didn't like that idea and would get mad and afterwards would tell me what i was doing at my mom's house. He also get pissed if i go drop off my bro at school. I don't know what to do, i'm fed up with his behavior and i have been trying to save this but he is not helping either, but we do have a daughter of 4 years old. Last year i did experienced a panic attack but it was because he was stressing me out, i lied to him and told him that it was because it was the first time i had takes summer classes. I desperately do want to leave but i'm afraid that he will take away my daughter.