I'll try to make this as short as possible. I've been married for a little over four years. It's both of our second marriage and we each have two children from our previous relationships. 14, 13, 13 and 8. We dated for nine months before we got engaged and married six months after that. Looking back, our relationship was always tumultuous. When we met my husband was a fairly well functioning alcoholic, partied a lot, drank to passing out almost every night but it didn't effect his ability to work or take care of his children, usually. He suffered from depression and I did as well so I was understanding and requested that he cut back and also see a therapist. He did both and things improved. He was finally diagnosed with rapid cycling bi-polar and medicated properly.
On my side of the issues, I worked full-time, making good money till about three years ago when I was laid off. I attempted to find another job but the economy is terrible, as everyone knows. I have a degree but decided to go back to school for another one. My husband told me I had exactly one year to finish and so I pushed myself. During this time I became chronically ill. I ended up not finishing the degree because of being sick constantly. To shorten it up, I was finally diagnosed properly last spring and am now fully recovered. Healthier than I have ever been in fact.
The main problem is that my husband is very resentful of the fact that I haven't been working, he's very controlling with money especially since he makes all of it, very controlling with the time I spend away from him etc. When I'm home though he spends most of the time in the other room, won't really talk to me, doesn't want to get out and do things etc. We haven't slept in the same bed for almost three years due to his snoring so that hasn't helped. He wants me to work but when I did finally find a part-time job he was angry that I was going to be away from the house while he was home. I can't seem to make a right move. I know when I was ill that the housework didn't get done but he never helped much, if any with it and to this day likes to say that the mess isn't his so he's not picking it up. My friends tell me he is emotionally abusive but I hesitate to think this. I do feel beat down and exhausted but feel like since he's not yelling and screaming and calling me names that it's not that bad.
I do love him but I'm not in love with him. I have no feelings in general of affection towards him and we haven't had a decent sex life in years. If I get really upset and state my case he is better for a week or so and then I feel bad but he goes right back to being an ass. We're supposed to go to counseling but we have in the past and all it did was make us argue more. I just keep my mouth shut these days to avoid getting in "trouble" as I like to call it. I'm finally healthy and have been going to the gym regularly and he gets upset that I'm gone in the evening. I'm not giving that up though, since it's the one thing that makes me happy.
To add to all the turmoil I feel I recently started seeing an ex every couple of weeks or so. I've never cheated before and now that I am I'm surprised that I feel no guilt at all. I don't want to leave and be with this person, I just feel like I want to be alone. I'm shocked at how numb I feel about all of this. If I had a good job I'd have some options but as of now I don't. I don't know what to do, I don't want to be a two time loser. I've turned into this cold, callous person who isn't even remorseful about cheating and not being in love with her husband. Should I leave? Should we try counseling? I don't know if I should bother since I'm not even invested in the relationship anymore. God, this is so long and there is much more I could say but no one will read this if it's too long.
Thanks
On my side of the issues, I worked full-time, making good money till about three years ago when I was laid off. I attempted to find another job but the economy is terrible, as everyone knows. I have a degree but decided to go back to school for another one. My husband told me I had exactly one year to finish and so I pushed myself. During this time I became chronically ill. I ended up not finishing the degree because of being sick constantly. To shorten it up, I was finally diagnosed properly last spring and am now fully recovered. Healthier than I have ever been in fact.
The main problem is that my husband is very resentful of the fact that I haven't been working, he's very controlling with money especially since he makes all of it, very controlling with the time I spend away from him etc. When I'm home though he spends most of the time in the other room, won't really talk to me, doesn't want to get out and do things etc. We haven't slept in the same bed for almost three years due to his snoring so that hasn't helped. He wants me to work but when I did finally find a part-time job he was angry that I was going to be away from the house while he was home. I can't seem to make a right move. I know when I was ill that the housework didn't get done but he never helped much, if any with it and to this day likes to say that the mess isn't his so he's not picking it up. My friends tell me he is emotionally abusive but I hesitate to think this. I do feel beat down and exhausted but feel like since he's not yelling and screaming and calling me names that it's not that bad.
I do love him but I'm not in love with him. I have no feelings in general of affection towards him and we haven't had a decent sex life in years. If I get really upset and state my case he is better for a week or so and then I feel bad but he goes right back to being an ass. We're supposed to go to counseling but we have in the past and all it did was make us argue more. I just keep my mouth shut these days to avoid getting in "trouble" as I like to call it. I'm finally healthy and have been going to the gym regularly and he gets upset that I'm gone in the evening. I'm not giving that up though, since it's the one thing that makes me happy.
To add to all the turmoil I feel I recently started seeing an ex every couple of weeks or so. I've never cheated before and now that I am I'm surprised that I feel no guilt at all. I don't want to leave and be with this person, I just feel like I want to be alone. I'm shocked at how numb I feel about all of this. If I had a good job I'd have some options but as of now I don't. I don't know what to do, I don't want to be a two time loser. I've turned into this cold, callous person who isn't even remorseful about cheating and not being in love with her husband. Should I leave? Should we try counseling? I don't know if I should bother since I'm not even invested in the relationship anymore. God, this is so long and there is much more I could say but no one will read this if it's too long.
Thanks