Tiredspouse0297

So after my previous post, some research and a lot of soul-searching I thought I had made up my mind to leave when I was able to find a job. Now the H is taking new antidepressants and has been better but still pulling some of his usual bs. He's on the lowest dose so far. It will go up from here.

My question is, if someone is a controlling ass could it be from being depressed? Or are they basically a controlling person who happens to be depressed. In all honesty I'm so over all of his crap that I don't have much desire to work it out but I figure I should at least give the pills a chance to work. His dad is a horrible control freak, I am positive he has narcissistic personality disorder, textbook case study. So maybe it's already ingrained in him.

Maybe I'm just scared and looking for reasons to stay?

MarriedWifeInLove

I think, unless its a chemical imbalance, that people can change - but they have to want to themselves. If they don't, then no.

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"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford

major misfit

I'm not so sure about the depression causing someone to be controlling. I'm going to say that I simply do not know. My *experience* has been that a controlling person is just that...a controlling person. The same for depression. And depressives can be controlling at times, but my very personal experience has been that they don't usually go hand in hand.
I guess for you it's just a wait and see thing. If the meds help, GREAT. If not, then that leaves you with the same question you've been wrestling with all along. I would just advise that regardless of the decisions you make, to not let FEAR stand in your way. Don't be afraid to have a good marriage with your husband. By the same token, if he is simply WHO and WHAT he is, and no change is forthcoming and you decide you really, truly want out..don't let fear stand in your way there either. Sorry, I'm not much help here.

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The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. ***Maya Angelou

"But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve" ***Professor Barnhardt to Klaatu

Mom6547

I guess one way to look at it might be, when in doubt you can always get divorced tomorrow. If it were me though, I would require both behavioral therapy in addition to anti-depressant drugs.

Tiredspouse0297

Thanks guys. I think I'm adopting the wait and see policy right now. I need to finish up my last semester at school and find a job before I can make any final decisions anyway. I might as well see where we end up. Husband is bipolar but has been medicated for four years. Sometimes I would write off his controlling behavior as just being down, ie the guilt trips, jealousy, not helping. This doesn't explain the rest of it though. Suppose I'm just tired of making excuses for him. Heck, if it makes him easier to live with, at least in the short run, then I'm all for it. :0)

sisters359

Controlling behavior is generally a result of anxiety (although it is so hard to see that behind the raging, controlling person is someone scared, and I'm NOT suggesting you be sympathetic when someone refuses to confront anxiety and mistreats you!!) BUT, yes, the anti-depressant could help. I wouldn't count on it, but it could.

As someone said and you seem aware, you can always decide to leave later, and you aren't ready to go know anyway. Still, do NOT sell yourself short. Have a very clear idea of what would be acceptable, and don't compromise beyond that. You only get one chance at life, after all, and living in tolerable misery does not sound all that attractive, does it?