help! how do i stop my marrage falling apart?

loobylou22 · 08-14-2008, 01:15 PM

hi am new to this so be gentle please!

me and my hubby have been married for two yrs now togeather 4
we have a 2 year old sonthe only reason we married woz because i was pregnant (my hubby) wanted to do every thing by the book witch is fine but i was only 20 at the time!
i love my husband with all my hart but recently iam not sure if he loves me any more?
hes started getting aggressive towards me (not hit)
he stays out till all hours of the night i never know where he is i dont think he is cheating!
i think he is regretting ever getting married he hasnt actually said that and when i ask he says it woz the best day of his life!

but i just dont believe him hes totally changed! and as for sex well thats just gone out of the window!
he dosnt come near me any more??

i know my problems seem small compared to some of yours but iam 22 and dont want my marrage to end as i love my husband and son more than anything in the world they are my world

my parents disowned me when i got married they have never seen there grandson they didnt go to the wedding i dont think they even have my phone number!
the reason for this is they said we where too young and i should have a termination on the baby and forget the whole sorry mess but i couldnt do that .
they where determend we would fail i dont want them to be right
any advice please??
soory i just read this it long i apologise
x

draconis · 08-14-2008, 01:20 PM

Your problems are not small, and they are affecting you. I would suggest that you need to start with communication. It seems like your husband still cares but has to much bottled up and doesn't know how to talk to you about it. Many of the things he does reflect someone that has depression, which can also lead to lack of sex.

draconis

loobylou22 · 08-14-2008, 01:28 PM

thanks
the thing is he is unwilling to talk i have tried to talk to him and ask what is wrong but he just gets in a strop with me i have asked him to talk to someone else but he just says theres nothing wrong but its obvious in the way he changed
up until the past 6 months he has been a fantastic hubby i couldnt ask or wish for any one better and i truly love him just i dont think he feels the same i hope this is not the case and he is just haveing a hard time of it ..............but only he knows whats going on
and it hurts to see him this way
x

draconis · 08-14-2008, 02:39 PM

With the onset of my MD I went through depression and my life became making it through the moment so I could get through the day. My wife was like you and didn't know how to get it out of me. Finally she started asking round about questions like what are you thinking about right now. Finally one day I blurted it out, not thinking about m answer. Already open she continued to ask questions and I continued to answer them.

With our husband he might be bottling something up. He might just kep it in the back of his mind so he doesn't have to think about it.

Have you tried to say this.

"I know you about as well as anyone, You are a wonderful man but something changed in the last few months. I just want you to know that whatever it is I am here to listen to you and we can get through this."

draconis

ljtseng · 08-14-2008, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

"I know you about as well as anyone, You are a wonderful man but something changed in the last few months. I just want you to know that whatever it is I am here to listen to you and we can get through this."

Be patient with him. let him know you are there for him. Dont try and force anything out of him. and take care of yourself. do things that make you happy.

827Aug · 08-14-2008, 11:40 PM

Your husband is showing the classic signs of distancing himself from you. At this point, he may or may not be having an affair. I've been down this road and it is a BIG problem. If you'll read the book,"The Five Love Languages", you'll better understand this problem. You'll also see how to take steps to correct the situation. Since your husband is trying to distance himself from you (either subconsciouly or consciously), talking to him probably won't help. From my experience, it could make things worse. I would try some of the subtle techniques from the book. I seem to be having better luck with actions than words.

I really wish there were some way you could reconnect with your family. A close family can be beneficial. Have you tried to contact your family? Perhaps send them a card with your son's picture?

Hang in there!

loobylou22 · 08-15-2008, 12:27 PM

thanks for all your advice

i have tried to get in contact with my family and i see my aunt quite alot and i know that she has shown my mum and dad pictures of my son but they just keep saying to her they dont want to know!!

i have taken on board everything you have said and i am thankfull for finally finding someone to talk to about this situation iam going to try again to talk to my hubby again tonight when he gets home form work
thanks again
x

Chopblock · 08-22-2008, 11:32 AM

I want to add that working on yourself is a good way to see results too. Did you give up hobbies and/or friendships along the way? Rekindling old friendships and increasing your social circle (and support network), as well as taking up some hobbies and being a happier more complete person, can be a big help.