I have heard this mentioned here on TAM. But to me, that does not even seem possible. How can you take masculinity away from a man? Isn't that something inside of him, his essence?
I cannot see how anyone can take my femininity away from me. It is my essence.
How do you take someone's essence away?
I am not even sure they can surrender it. Wouldn't your essence always spring forth, at some point?
We "let" it happen, because we "love" her and don't want to "hurt" her. We think she will stop, and make ourselves think it's not that bad, just like a abused female.
Also if you are tough you could just take it thinking you are being tough, when your really just being stupid.
It's done by supressing someones personality and their actions.
A wife could emasculate her man, especially if he is a loyal man who won't cheat on her by doing the following:
1. Act more masculine than him.
2. Cut him off from sex and intimacy
3. Degrade him and brow beat him
4. Don't do anything which is helpful for him
There are more levels to it, but a sexless situation with a female who is opressive to you will start to affect your mind, which affects your masculinity. If you do not cheat, your stress will go up, your testosterone will go down, and your feeelings of well being will too.
Testosterone can go up and down just like masculinity.
What a great post. I think you've nailed something with this.
A man can't have his masculinity taken from him, but I can see where, in order to avoid fights or discourse he "gives it away".
I'll give you an example
A wife corrects her husband in front of others on something that is opinion based (the wife's opinion is equally valid as the husband's so it's just the wife "needing to be right"). The husband can choose to not get into a debate at that moment. That's him "giving up his masculinity" to keep the peace.
Did the wife emasculate her husband, not without his consent...But many relationships wouldn't survive if the man "kept his masculinity" at all times.
You see... It's not the ONE time that the husband allowed himself to be corrected or subjugated in front of others that took his masculinty, it is the many hundreds to thousands of times, which do train your mental response. It subjugates you over time, and it IS LESS masculine.
I had an Alpha friend, isn't the smartest, but he used to always embarrass his wife in front of others and I thought it was strange because it is not my style. The thing was he would respond to nitpicks that could've degraded him, but he never allowed it by responding in a more embarrassing way. She is an Alpha female... Years later, I see how doing that never allowed him to be degraded other than he sometimes makes his wife look stupid. It's not my style, like I said, but I see what he was doing.
If something needs to be done and I can do it, I do it. It's not about if I think my husband is a man and should do it lol.
If he's around, he'll usually do it anyway, but...that's like saying if a man cooks or vacuums or changes a diaper that he's taken away some of my femininity. :lol: it's just what needs to be done.
I understand what you're saying JLD and now that I thought about it I agree with you. I dont think a mans masculinity can ever truly be taken away. Just repressed by a domineering spouse.
But its never really gone. Unless the man never had it to begin with...which is true for some dudes I guess.
that girl hit the nail on the head. The man is willing to give up his masculinity.
In the socio-sexual hierarchy, this sort of man, the Omega Man, if you will is the bottom rung of the ladder. Unfortunately he is the doormat of society.
LOL sarcasm is a lost art in my opinion. My mother in law is FINALLY starting to understand my sarcastic humor. She never knew if I was serious or joking. LOL.
PS when I mentioned humor, sarcasm qualifies. I meant I wouldn't berate my wife in public if she has just done something "emasculating".
And the "get go" means in the home growing up, no?
I can only imagine if I was a son, what my mother would have done to me. eesh!
I dated a guy briefly in college whose mother ran him. "Oh, I see you dressed yourself...it doesn't match...lemme help." "Oh, how cute you're trying to patch the wall" (that we busted a hole in being...well...lol....) "Is that how you're going to wear your hair? Oh ok." This guy was TWENTY And I watched him cater to his mom and her stupid comments....and I couldn't date him anymore.
Kids learn by example what is acceptable and what is not. If the home is dysfunctional, they think it's acceptable...when it's not.
How? well, if a woman berates, belittles, and generally toys with the man's ego...that will do it. Lets say they are in bed, she is climaxing, then she says "god I wish you had a big **** like X's husband, she says sex with him is ALWAYS GREAT". i.e. just when the guy thinks he did a good job, his ego is dashed mercilessly. Enough of that and he might be afraid of his own shadow, OR if he has balls he threw the shrew out long ago...one or the other.
Some people think that doing anything 'masculine' will emasculate your man.
I like doing a lot of hands on work, as I grew up with brothers and have always been close with my dad who taught me a lot about home improvement. Supposedly I was hurting my husband by doing some of that type of work.
I'm not suggesting these things are masculine or feminine.
Batman noticed tone in my arms and so I couldn't resist flexing my biceps for him lol. He affectionately said, "Damn! I'm going to need to up my game!" And said to keep at it, as my hard work is paying off.
Spider in the house this morning... he said I ought to be able to get it. I replied that I'd have to spray it and would rather not if he could get it. He took care of the spider while I stood back a few meters. He's not the type who needs to be needed in these ways - but I'm the type who needs him to deal with spiders.
So ... you're saying that a man who lacks confidence, is very sensitive, doesn't want conflict, allows himself to be bullied by his spouse, and/or peers, and doesn't know how to express his needs adequately isn't masculine?
I'm really not being sarcastic ... and yes, I suppose this is a trick question.
I think he is giving his power away. I don't think it has anything to do with his masculinity.
I think you still have your masculinity no matter how little power you have. A man who is being tortured by the secret police is still masculine. It is his sexual identity. That does not change.
His self-image is something else again. He determines that, and how it fits in with the scenario you describe.
My husband could be emasculated by me to some degree. It is part of a trusting and intimate relationship to care about what I think of him. But in the final analysis, if I were to do that, he has the strength and integrity not to tolerate it.
And it is very important to differentiate between mean spirited behavior intended to reduce your self confidence and constructive criticism / healthy debate.
How do you emasculate men? For starters, you create conditions where fathers are optional or are replaced by support checks, welfare checks, or even by mothers with jobs. Next, you raise boys without significant adult male influence. You send those boys to school where they are punished for behaving like boys. You take away all opportunities for rough or martial boy play. Your school removes all images of warrior heroes and replaces them with images of female leaders or leaders who are only technically male. When they get home, they watch TV where men are portrayed as ignorant dupes in need of supervision and correction by their wives and sometimes by their kids. At the same time, you extol the virtues of males who behave like women. Your government assists by kicking out warriors for behaving like men and replacing them with minimally acceptable bodies of feminine or questionable gender. You get rid of the draft so those who are only technically male know from birth they will never be called upon to be warriors so there is no motivation on the part of parents or teachers to teach them to develop their masculinity. You do all in your power to demonize manual labor and military service and you perpetuate the myth that those who choose these fields are too ignorant for "real" employment (which you define as indoor, non-strenuous work in a cubicle located in some urban crime den). You perpetuate the myth that the primary function of education and labor is to satisfy one's own selfish desires or interests and you pooh pooh the idea that the duty of a man is to support his wife and children.
How do you emasculate men? For starters, you create conditions where fathers are optional or are replaced by support checks, welfare checks, or even by mothers with jobs.
By not sticking around,fathers have made themselves optional in MANY cases. How many times do you hear the same old story about the father running off or not stepping up to do his part. Do you realize women would rather have a father around to help her out than just get a government check or support check?
You send those boys to school where they are punished for behaving like boys. You take away all opportunities for rough or martial boy play. Your school removes all images of warrior heroes and replaces them with images of female leaders or leaders who are only technically male. When they get home, they watch TV where men are portrayed as ignorant dupes in need of supervision and correction by their wives and sometimes by their kids.
"Wife, you are the ugliest woman I have ever come across. Your tits sag, you have an ass the size of Pittsburg and you smell like fish. If I weren't afraid of having to pay you alimony I'd drop you like a bag of rattlesnakes you are so unattractive. How the hell did you ever have boyfriends, and what kind of fvcking dope was I smoking to make me ever agree to marry your ugly ass?
As your husband barely can stomach having sex with you. Old Ms. Maloney our next door neighbor, 78 years old she may be, is more sensuous than you. Even with her teeth out. I can't wait until these kids are grown so I can go out and find myself a woman who looks and smells like a woman. Holly, your best friend? Now she is a woman! Why couldn't you look like her? You don't even try.
And don't get me started how much you suck as a mother. It took you three miscarriages before you even managed to carry one of my kids to term. Loser.
You are clueless and hopeless when it comes to making halfway logical decisions concerning our kids. Seriously, if I had a quarter for every time I had to fix one of your fvckups, I would buy myself an NFL team.
The kids think you are a joke.....You know that. If your children despised you even more than they do,I would not be surprised if they burn little effigies of you in the back yard. The best part of every day is when you leave to go to the store. We like to gather around the kitchen bar and makes jokes about what a loser you are. "
I find it mildly amusing that you're asking in the Ladies Lounge if men can be emasculated. Go over to the man cave and ask the same question. Equally amusing to me is I am here browsing the ladies lounge.
But yes, some men can be emasculated. Water wears away rock given enough time. Constant disrespect, insults, making them feel like nothing is ever good enough, can wear away at a man's psyche.
Women have tremendous power to either build a man up or tear him down. An encouraging woman can make a man unstoppable. Use your power for good.
I think what's missing from this discussion is the societal aspect. The playing field of acceptable behavior from men and women is not level. Women can get away with doing things men can't. So no, I don't think that a woman doing "male" tasks is emasculating. However there are women who have a way of trying to make you fight with one hand tied behind your back -- they're aggressors and victims at the same time, and anything aggressive you say back makes you a bad guy. The kind of person who yells at you and then acts like you are abusive if you yell back. Men are at a disadvantage in this situation, because aggression from them is perceived as more threatening.
Maybe "emasculating" is not the right word for this -- they can't take your balls, but they can sure bust them sometimes.
I just have never heard things like that. That's all. Would be so sad, to either a husband or wife, to hear those things.
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