VT,
You could be as explicite as a human being could possibly be about your feelings and intention and no doubt there would be some person over there challenging you left and right and questioning you. If called out on their behavior, then it becomes "get out of here, women don't belong". I won't name names, you know who I am referring to.
VT,
You could be as explicite as a human being could possibly be about your feelings and intention and no doubt there would be some person over there challenging you left and right and questioning you. If called out on their behavior, then it becomes "get out of here, women don't belong". I won't name names, you know who I am referring to.
Conrad?
I am not super concerned about the Men's Clubhouse folk who don't venture forth for fear of us womyns. They don't even represent the minor issue with DH. It was just what brought the thought to the fore.
I thought you said that you were annoyed because he wasn't listening and was accusing you of being depressed or hormonal?
The annoyance predicated a conversation about my annoyance that was then followed by confusion on his part about what could be wrong with me.
BUT I think you probably hit the nail on the head. It may well BE sudden. I may well have been cheerfully not getting annoyed by this same behavior for a while. He and I have been testy with each other due to my current condition. I think I may be inclined to get annoyed by things that previously would not annoy me.
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THIS is clear to me. Your original post was not clear - at least not to me.
Seriously - figure out what you REALLY want - find a simple way to say it - and repeat as necessary.
Ok I think I understand why you are confused. There are two different issues.
1. The minor one: I was irritated that he says he is going to do things then does not do them.
2. After expressing that annoyance, he looks for reasons for me to be annoyed other than the reasons I gave him.
When you asked me the problem, I answered the former, which is not the REAL problem. It was the context. But I misunderstood your question and answered it incorrectly.
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And for God's sake - don't let your aggravation with any of the Men's Clubhouse bleed into your interactions with your husband!!!
SOME of the OPINIONS of SOME of the men in the Men's Clubhouse. And...Amen to that!
REAL MAN ™ is paying vigorous attention to this thread. Use of the words 'nipple rings' was somewhat distracting, but REAL MAN ™ has regained focus.
Everyone has what I refer to as 'The Stack'. It is the stack of stuff in your head that you are accountable for, working on, or struggling to remember. The Stack could be desperately important, or utterly irrelevant. I am firmly convinced that 'The Stack' accounts for 50% or more of miscommunication between spouses when it comes to task related dialogue.
You don't know what's on my stack. I don't know what's on your stack. What you describe is particularly an issue for me due to ADD.
What I suppose I find heartening is that you recognize this as a communication issue, not disrespect or indifference.
If you opened with, "I'm struggling with something and I need your help ..." I'll bet you cup of coffee that he will be attendant and responsive. With that opening you are appealing to the 'fixer' in him. If that doesn't work, try dropping to a knee and delivering a solid nut-punch that'll get his attention too.
REAL MAN ™ is paying vigorous attention to this thread. Use of the words 'nipple rings' was somewhat distracting, but REAL MAN ™ has regained focus.
Really actually Laughing Out Loud.
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Everyone has what I refer to as 'The Stack'. It is the stack of stuff in your head that you are accountable for, working on, or struggling to remember.
First on, last off?
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The Stack could be desperately important, or utterly irrelevant. I am firmly convinced that 'The Stack' accounts for 50% or more of miscommunication between spouses when it comes to task related dialogue.
You don't know what's on my stack. I don't know what's on your stack. What you describe is particularly an issue for me due to ADD.
I think DH has undiagnosed ADHD. Doesn't the term ADD not officially exist anymore?
This is a source of occasional low grade strife between us. My stack sure as heck does not live in my head. Want to know what is on my stack open, in this order
- Outlook
- my Flylady control journal
- Home School Tracker
There is my stack.
When he tells me he "forgot" I think... of course you forgot. You relied on your brain. Duh.
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What I suppose I find heartening is that you recognize this as a communication issue, not disrespect or indifference.
I never, ever, ever thought for one second that he meant either disrespect or indifference. This is, indeed, heartening. To the point where it is only an issue when I haven't gotten any for 6 weeks and there are 5 more to go, I think.
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If you opened with, "I'm struggling with something and I need your help ..." I'll bet you cup of coffee that he will be attendant and responsive.
He is always attentive and responsive. Just not with the response I would necessary prefer!
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With that opening you are appealing to the 'fixer' in him. If that doesn't work, try dropping to a knee and delivering a solid nut-punch that'll get his attention too.
I could blow him. But then he would be walking around with that dopey face for a day.
I could blow him. But then he would be walking around with that dopey face for a day.
You mean this face?
Let's be honest, dude is either from Vermont or Quebec.
Yes, the correct term is ADHD, it's just that many people, myself included, don't have the 'H'. I never use it as an excuse, but I do fall victim to it, specifically around forgetfulness and time management.
Everybody knows real men don't use paper towels. They just create really detailed commercials instructing us women about the intricate task of wiping up a spill with some weird cloth like paper.
Ew, it so isn't that face. And yah the subtype thing.... Why do they fiddle with our terms?
No friggin clue. Although you have given me a coping mechanism with my ex-wife.
When she gives me some kind of task, which still occasionally happens pertaining to the kids, I'm going to ask her to complete the request with: "Do this and I will give you a blow job."
I think this would help me position the request at the top of 'The Stack'. It's like a mnemonic hook.
Re: on understanding 
