Ladies, How do you handle it when you're unhappy with the way you look, but your husband is very happy? I've put on about five pounds and I hate it! I am feverishly working to get it back off but my hubby doesn't want me to. He says I was too skinny before. I certainly want to take how he feels into consideration. I don't want him to feel like his opinion doesn't matter, but I want to be as happy with what I see in the mirror as he is. How do I please us both in this situation?
This is from a male view point. I have been in your shoes as well. With the onset of my MD and tearing both of my ACLs (the ligiments in the knees) I gained a ton of weight a few years back (50 pounds) I managed to get off 40 pounds but still struggle with the last ten (maybe this year)
Maybe if you do a fat reduction but muscle toning both will be happy. You will not lose weight but your'll lose the fat and look and feel better. Plus you will not be as skinny.
From another male point of view. My wife is currently unhappy with her weight. She never struggled with it until she hit her 40s. Now she is very self-conscious about it. I know she has put on some pounds but love her for the beauty that I see, not what she sees in the mirror. As some know our marriage is troubled and sexual intimacy has been gone for some time. Some of the considerations in this is her not liking the way she looks but again I desire her because I love her. When I complement her on how she looks she rejects it and puts herself down. All I can do is encourage her in her efforts to lose weight and complement her when I think she’s feeling better.
Sorry M22, looks like the men have hijacked your thread.
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No offense, mommy22, but I would be tickled to death if my husband was pleased with the way I look. I haven't been happy with the way I have looked in a while, and he hasn't said one way or another, which makes me think he isn't happy. I could get all dolled up and he doesn't even tell me I look good, bad or anything.
I do agree with draconis, do some toning and you will instantly feel better about yourself, and your husband should be happy also. Although I bet you look just fine and you shouldn't worry about it one bit.
My wife when I met her was 120 pounds, after the first two of three kids she was 150 pounds. Guess what, I liked her at both weights and all the inbetweens. She went back down to 120 pounds recently with more muscle then ever before in her life (still looking good) After her foot surgery she was up to 130 (still good looking) now she is possessed and back down to 126 and flustered at that. The only reason I would want her to lose weight is for her own self image (at 120 she thinks she looks perfect) so if she is fine with it so am I. But I would still lok her, still find her sexy, and still think she is beautiful any way.
i am in the same position as you. my hubby loves the way I am but i wasnt. my suggestion (please understand I am NOT trying to sound cold or anything) is just to honestly accept your body as it is. That is what i did as a desperate attempt to dump all excess stress. I accepted my body/weight and havent looked back. I hit the gym when i have the chance, with three kids its not such an easy feat. I am happy with my weight but that doesnt prevent me to strive to accomplish my goal.
i am in the same position as you. my hubby loves the way I am but i wasnt. my suggestion (please understand I am NOT trying to sound cold or anything) is just to honestly accept your body as it is. That is what i did as a desperate attempt to dump all excess stress. I accepted my body/weight and havent looked back. I hit the gym when i have the chance, with three kids its not such an easy feat. I am happy with my weight but that doesnt prevent me to strive to accomplish my goal.
Hope that makes sense.
You don't sound cold at all. I guess I should've mentioned that I work in the fitness industry. Most people I have worked with have been obese, but I like to be a role model in what I do. My hubby still thinks I look like I'm in good shape. I usually do strength training 3-4 days a week and cardio five days a week. My life has been more hectic lately so I've gotten out of routine somewhat. I think this is something most women struggle with from time to time. My husband is very nurturing and says he'll love me at whatever size. He just said that I'm curvier now than I was and he likes the curves. The problem is what he considers curves, I consider fat. I guess you're right. I just have to accept it and move on.
Draconis, it was encouraging to hear that you are attracted to your wife at whatever size. He told me his preferences but said he'd still be attracted if I lose the weight. I was worried that he was saying what he thinks I want to hear. Thanks for the input.
I'm in the situation where we've almost been married 10 years and have both ballooned outwards. I've peaked at 260 on a 5ft 8inch frame (but with wide shoulders!). My wife is maybe 1/2 inch taller than me and is pushing 200. I don't like the way I look anymore after seeing a few christmas home videos and am trying to help myself get healthier. My wife on the other hand doesn't seem to care about her weight gain at all. It's making it tough to feel aroused by her outward appearance some times and it's not really the weight as much as her care free attitude about it. She got a comment in the store the other day, "So when are you due?". Without hesitation she replied, "Oh I'm not pregnant, just fat!". She also doesn't want to buy clothes that fit her size and always seems to have on a shirt that rides up in the middle. It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't already diabetic. She just can't seem to stop eating. Cereal is her crutch. Bowls upon bowls of it. In between meals, right after meals, right before bed. I can't keep them washed. She's talked about losing it before and even signed up for Curves "online". I told her to just cancel it because it was a waste of money when the Curves gym is right down the road and I had no problem watching kids so she can go in the evening. I'm starting out at the gym next month after making room for the membership in the budget finally and will be trading in lunches for workouts.
Even worse is that her attitude about "I don't care how people think I look" is rubbing off on our daughter who is now overweight with a belly that hangs over just like mom's. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for believing in yourself and having a positive self-image but our daughter is starting second grade and I don't have to explain to you what it's like for an overweight kid in school. I feel the same way as her about not caring what other people think but at the same time we need to work towards getting healthy. Sorry to hijack your thread but my comments seem to fit this topic best.
My thoughts are that you need to be happy with how you feel. I think your own self-confidence when you feel good about how you look carries more weight than 5lbs in either direction as far as attracting those around you (especially your spouse).
i think its you that has to be happy here. ok your hubby is fine with you.
but you wont be happy until your body and mind are happy.
i think you should concentrate on you here.
---"How do you handle it when you're unhappy with the way you look, but your husband is very happy?"
You say "thank you" and do what he wants. Let me explain further.
1) We know (and sympathize) that women have to put up with a LOT of negative self-imagery. We know you struggle with having anorexic 14 year olds in magazines thrown up as the be-all end-all ideal female form. But not all men think this way, in fact many men can't STAND that disgustingly thin look. Ribs should only be seen on a plate with BBQ sauce.
2) We WANT you to be happy with your bodies, but it frustrates us when we compliment you, and all you can say is "ugh, I look terrible". We start to learn that anything we say will be treated as either a lie, or buttering you up, and we stop complimenting you.
3) Understand that he LOVES you and he sees you differently than you see yourself. While it is unlikely that you will be happy with yourself, it is VERY likely that he will be happy with you. Its not that he wouldn't like you if you lost those few pounds, but we know as we age its tougher and tougher to keep weight off. He probably wants you to know that its OK that as nature adds inches, you don't have to be afraid because he'll love you.
---"but I would be tickled to death if my husband was pleased with the way I look."
Bingo! (though at first, I thought you wrote 'ticked' not 'tickled'). Be happy about yourself because you make him so happy.
Again, and I can't say this enough, we UNDERSTAND that its TOUGH for you! We really want you to be happy, but we also want you at some point to just accept who you are and that you make us happy.
I don't know much since I'm single, never been married, and I don't get paid enough, but I am personally not picky on women. In fact, there is a female co-worker of mine who is 50-years old. She complains about being fat and all, but I think she looks great and I would totally hit it.
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yep it is you that needs to be happy. I am not happy with my body, I want to be in better shape at 40 then I was at 20 (38 now) so I been working out, etc. My wife is very happy with my body, but I have a peronal goal and I want to achieve it.
Oh my gosh... I WISH my problem was "I need to lose 5 pounds".
Can I make playful fun of you and your thread?
I understand how you feel but I also hate you. LOL
In a good way. I used to be in my 120's. After a baby, I went from a size 6 to a size 10/12. I also really dislike my body. I used to go to the gym everyday and rollerblade and play football and run around...
Now, I have no energy. YOu say you still work out everyday? But you are 5 pounds over??? Seriously? I have to laugh. really.
I imagine you are young. Maybe have no kids?
5 pounds? If you are at the gym everyday, either those 5 pounds will shed soon, or they are muscle weight.
Talk about being 30 pounds over what you used to weigh. Looking at all your beautiful clothes you can't wear. Trying to work out and eat healthy, but having little support from your DH.
I envy you. 5 pounds can be lost in a week, maybe a month if you're already TINY.
I, too, used to be in fantastic shape and have rubbermaid bins full of awesome skinny clothes that I'll hopefully be able to wear by next summer. I'm currently preggo and can't do anything, but eat healthy and pray that I don't gain too much. I have a month and a half left and I've gained only 22 pounds so far so "woo-hoo". Strangely, I have eaten like a horse, but I guess he's just been using it all up.
My H has not complained one bit nor has his virility waned because of the weight or pregnancy. He's bigger than me any day anyway. Before I got pregnant he outweighed me by about 80 pounds. He's just a big fella. 54 " jacket shoulder size, 36' waist. He calls himself the upside down triangle.
To the OP, I doubt that he can even tell the 5 pound difference. Men are not quite as strict as we are. 5 to 10 pounds is no big deal to them. Once you get in the 20 or 30 pound range, then you need to worry. Just do what you want with your body. I'm sure he'll be happy whether you're five pounds overweight or if you get to your "ideal" weight.
Being happy with your physical appearance
She's talked about losing it before and even signed up for Curves "online". I told her to just cancel it because it was a waste of money when the Curves gym is right down the road and I had no problem watching kids so she can go in the evening. I'm starting out at the gym next month after making room for the membership in the budget finally and will be trading in lunches for workouts. 
