Should I insist that my husband wear a wedding ring?

tnt20years · 08-26-2008, 02:53 PM

My husband and I have been married 20 years now. His previous occupation prevented him from wearing a wedding ring due to the danger of a severe injury. He hasn't worked in that profession for about five years now. We have been having problems with him flirting with other women and vice versa recently and I have been considering asking him to wear a wedding ring. What does everyone else think about this?

draconis · 08-26-2008, 03:09 PM

A wedding ring will neither stop him from flirting or being flirted with.

draconis

TheLuckiest08 · 08-26-2008, 03:16 PM

I agree with the above poster. However, I think he should be wearing one. What's his reason to not wear it?

ljtseng · 08-26-2008, 05:39 PM

I dont think you should insist on him wearing a ring if its a means to try and control his behavior. Like drac said, the ring isnt going to change his behavior and he'll just see it as a control tactic, which will only exacerbate his behavior.

draconis · 08-27-2008, 01:03 AM

A wedding ring like all jewery is a matter of comfort. After years of jobs where rings could have cost me a hand or worse I stopped wearing them all together. Now I just don't like any jewery as a matter of choice.

draconis

voivod · 08-27-2008, 01:42 AM

a wedding ring might be a nice little reminder to the potentially wayward, and a sign to "back off" to the approacher. i used to be bothered by my first wife not wearing a wedding ring from time to time. then i lost mine at work and i felt riiculous.

bottom line i think the ring signifies honor toward the divinely ordained union.

justean · 08-27-2008, 03:55 AM

when my hubby had the one night stand in april and i did my detective work.
i spoke to the barmaid of the pub he went to and she remembers him actually taking his wedding ring of and claiming he was single.

tnt20years · 08-27-2008, 01:17 PM

OK, so I don't insist, but I buy it for him in honor of 20 years??? What do you all think? Then if he refuses to wear it, I get hurt, right???

draconis · 08-27-2008, 02:36 PM

I think the first step is to set up communications where as you let him know how important it is to you and why, and ask him to commit to wearing it before you buy it. Otherwise you become a self defeating prophesy.

draconis

MarkTwain · 08-27-2008, 03:02 PM

tnt-
You are like a cat on a hot tin roof. Your mind is always racing to think up the next scenario where you can gain control of your husband. This is totally understandable, but it won't work!

You are already doing better with him than you have done for a long time. Why not pat yourself on the back and take a breather?

Meddling can only make things worse. As Draconis says, you will be just setting yourself up for defeat. Reading your sentance:

Quote:

then if he refuses to wear it, I get hurt, right???

it would appear that you have already written the script... Why would you want to act in this play?

voivod · 08-28-2008, 01:56 AM

i do this very thing in so many situations. it's called (not clinically) stinkin' thinkin'. i was a top salesman in my region and i carried the "stinkin' thinkin' gene. it's a wonder i didn't/haven't ended up on the funny farm. alcohol helped (?) mask the pain resulting from stinkin' thinkin'. now i'm 100 days sober and trying to put togetherand heal my marriage to the most wonderful girl in the world, truly my guardian angel. this is how we get in these situations, methinks.

Chopblock · 08-28-2008, 03:45 PM

I'm late to this, but remember the seinfeld where George wore a ring to improve his effectiveness at flirting?

I think it would be a nice gesture to buy him an anniversary ring, but understand that after decades of not wearing one, he is unlikely to change now.

But may I suggest something else, like a 20 year rolex with an engraving on it?

cheewagacheewaga · 08-28-2008, 10:05 PM

Nobody should be forced to do anything. Ideally he should want to wear his ring because he wants to, not because you're nagging it about him.

tnt20years · 08-31-2008, 12:53 PM

OK, thank you guys very much for your advice....I will take it all into consideration!!

MT: I'm sorry I seem like a space cadet....it's just that my head is whirling since everything happened and I'm a mess...inwardly...trying to keep it under control outwardly...I swear!! I haven't spoken to my husband about anything since I promised I wouldn't, OK???

MarkTwain · 08-31-2008, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tnt20years

I haven't spoken to my husband about anything since I promised I wouldn't, OK???

Well done!

You deserve a saucer of milk