yes there are situations where i would put hubby before kids, but more on the lower scale of an issue. if the situation was more serious, then my children come usually come first.
such as if my children play us against eachother and i have seen for myself the children were wrong. a few times,although i try and b fair i tell my hubby of when he had done nothin and thats unfair to.
in life threatening situations , children would b first. but those scenarios are different in themselves.
its my instinct to protect my children. ok not all mothers are like that. look at some women who know their children are victims of abuse and they actually allow it to happen by a husband.
Things really depend on the situation at the time.
This veers off course from the original question slightly, but I think many mothers are guilty of putting their kids' needs over their husband's too much. Yes, children need to know that we're there for them and love and support them and will meet their needs. IMO putting your spouse in second place under the children can be detrimental to the marriage. After all, when my kids move out, my husband is the one I'll be with. I need to foster that relationship now. Chidren get so much security in seeing a strong, loving relationship between Mom and Dad. That said, I am very protective of my children. They need to know they can depend on me and feel security in that. So, I agree with Justean's post. It's difficult to predict how you'd react in any situation until you've actually been there. The only thing that comes to mind is discipline. I always back him in front of them. If I disagree, I don't let them know. I simply talk it over with him in another room where they can't hear. So, they would definitely perceive that he comes first in that area.
Sorry for the thread hi-jack, since I am not a mom. I am a father of two, however, and since the kids, I feel that I became obsolete to my wife. I hope loveandmarriage's husband does not feel the way I do.
after all that has happened in my 12 year marriage, i feel it is extremely important to put eachother first, and i'm not talking petty little things. i mean that if you don't put eachother first & nurture your relationship, what do you have? what do the kids have? i'm sure the kids would much rather have a weekend night without mom & dad while they are on a date over mom & dad fighting all of the time. kids sense way more than we give them credit for! also, i believe it's ok for the kids to see that mommy & daddy take care of eachother & have a loving relationship.
Sorry for the thread hi-jack, since I am not a mom. I am a father of two, however, and since the kids, I feel that I became obsolete to my wife. I hope loveandmarriage's husband does not feel the way I do.
Unfortunately it's a trap that many women fall into. We have that nurturing instinct and what many women who fall into this trap think is: "He's a big boy. He can take care of himself but the kids are little and need someone to fend for them." While this may be true, she's forgetting how important and crucial it is to the family unit that the marriage is strong and that those emotional and physical needs are met. Often, meeting the needs of the children exhausts her and career demands on one or both partners lead to exhaustion for both and the marriage is put on the back-burner. It's so important for both partners to do a self-check on what they're putting into the marriage. I feel for you. Explain to her how you feel and ask her if she'd like to work with you on plan to meet the needs of your children but strengthen and enrich your marriage as well.
Sorry for all the run-on sentences!! Hope you could make sense of this,
Sorry for the thread hi-jack, since I am not a mom. I am a father of two, however, and since the kids, I feel that I became obsolete to my wife. I hope loveandmarriage's husband does not feel the way I do.
My husband does not feel obsolete. However, he did say something that had me thinking. He said that he knew that I do not put him first. But that is ok because he has never been number ! with anyone.
That made feel bad, BUT it is sooo hard, I have never loved anyone like I love my kids. With my kids, my love is UNCONDITIONAL. Unforunately, in marriage (and with most other relationships) there are "deal breakers". And sometimes these deal breakers may cause the love between spouses to dissipate. So these are "conditions" why a spouse's love remain constant.
I was just talking to my husband on the phone. He asked me this question:
Is there a situation where you would put your husband before the kids?
I thought this is a great questions to ask you fellow mothers also. Please let me know. I would love to hear what you think.
I would put him first in some situations like:
1- he wants me for lovemaking *the kids can wait*
2- he wants to go out withe me * I will put the kids with mom or a friend or hire a pro maid*
3- he wants to sleep * I will make sure the kids are quite*
4- he is working * I will make sure the kids are quite and leave him alone*
other than that, he can take it as a man !!
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English is my second language and I wont bother checking up my grammer
Hmmph...My mom used to always put hubby first above us.
If she saw my dad flying off at the handle at us wronglfully, she wouldn't stand up for us and correct him. (I'm talking about when all involved were old enough to know what's right and wrong)
Hmmph...My mom used to always put hubby first above us.
If she saw my dad flying off at the handle at us wronglfully, she wouldn't stand up for us and correct him. (I'm talking about when all involved were old enough to know what's right and wrong)
I had the same scenario growing up. My dad was verbally abusive all of us (including my mom) and my mom was too timid to say anything. It took me a long time to work through the resentment. It's so important to make that marriage relationship priority but also letting those children know they can count on you. They have to feel safe, nurtured and loved.
SURVEY: Mothers Only Please.
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