If that's the only thing you share together, then you will be in trouble one day if one can't... Not a good thing IMO..
I generalize because in general, men and women ARE different. We think, feel, see, and react in different ways. Humans are all individual, but we do fall into generalizations based on gender. There is no way around that one. The thing is to know the differences and work with them.
I am simply saying like with everything else, we, meaning the genders, feel sex in a different way, like it for different reasons, and get different things out of it.
Now really ask yourself. If he did not want to have sex suddenly, would your first thought be about love? or would it be to look in a mirror and wonder if his attraction to you changed? I remember thinking it was love, then realized, nope... found myself looking in the mirror wondering why I did not turn him on (Turned out to a dog BTW.. long story, but has some hysterically funny, if not disturbing details HAHA)
I am not even saying the differences are bad... just there. Knowing that makes it less likely for sex to become some deciding make or break factor in a relationship... There are a LOT of discussions here on that one, and in many of them I am reading them thinking that it is so silly for it to be made into the deal it is.
Just the insanely logical side of me seeing that sex does not have to be the make or break (unless it is of course occurring outside the relationship)
If that's the only thing you share together, then you will be in trouble one day if one can't... Not a good thing IMO..
You completely misunderstood what I said. I said it is the only thing that we share that NO ONE else shares with us. We have plenty of common interests, but we also share those common interests with other people. We DO NOT have sex with other people. So sex is the one thing that we get from each other as a result of our love for each other. We could find other people to share our common interests with, if we didn't share them in common, but we couldn't find other people to have sex with, since we are exclusive. I think I was pretty clear in expressing that the first time around, so I'm not sure how you misunderstood it.
As far as your generalizations based on gender, it's called stereotypes. And have you considered that the only reason that these stereotypes still exist is because people who, like you, form generalizations based on them, have made both genders feel as though they MUST fit that stereotype or else people will think there is something wrong with them? Perhaps if people stopped saying women look at sex this way and men look at sex that way, both men and women would be able to be honest as individuals and be honest with their partners about how they look at sex, and then maybe some of these "we don't have as much/the kind of sex that I want" stories would go away because people would have gotten an honest statement of what their partner wanted instead of a statement of what the partner thinks they need to be based on their gender, regardless of how they would really feel otherwise.
And yes, if my boyfriend did stop having sex with me suddenly, I would wonder about love as my first thought. I look exactly the same as I did when we first met, as does he, and our personalities have not changed either. So, yes, that would be my first thought, not physical attraction.
Well then you are unique in my experience with people. As for generalizations... well .. I don't mind them when they point out a general truth. I am fine with men and women being so different, it is what offers us so much potential for balance. And yes, an honest statement is needed between lovers, but it certainly helps to know where that statement comes from and WHY it is likely to differ from your own.
You make it sound as if I think the differences are bad. Not at all. And as for sex being your own thing... I still have to sayI think that is dangerous to put so much pressure on the act since it is likely to ebb and flow with life, and hormones and lots of other things. One day you will need to find something else to replace what you get from sex.
Not at all. And as for sex being your own thing... I still have to sayI think that is dangerous to put so much pressure on the act since it is likely to ebb and flow with life, and hormones and lots of other things. One day you will need to find something else to replace what you get from sex.
You are assuming a lot about me and my relationship based on two posts in a relationship forum. Where exactly did I say I put pressure on the act? I didn't. You put that interpretation on my words. I never once said that if he didn't have sex with me at least X times per day/week/month/year, I would think he didn't love me. I simply said if it stopped altogether, I would think that.
And who says that one day the sex will need to be replaced? I know plenty of couples well into their 60s, 70s, and even 80s who still have sex. And if, by some chance, something does happen that we can't, our relationship would be just fine. You see, your assumption that I put pressure on sex in our relationship is not quite right. If sex stopped with no explanation and no cause, I would think no sex = no love. But if he were to have a medical condition to precluded sex, or I had one, that is a very different situation, and would not make me think that. And also...I would have a conversation with him, rather than just going with my thoughts.
Sex is not a dealbreaker for our relationship. All of my thoughts and feelings on this are based on how our relationship has always been, and all is with the knowledge that I would simply talk to him if this situation were to arise and we would be able to figure out what was going on.
Please stop making assumptions based on my words here. You are seeing a few words typed on a page, you do not know my entire thought process, or have any knowledge of my relationship, my past, or anything else. You have no solid base on which to build your assumptions.
My interpretation came from the words presented. That's all I have to go on. And I am not saying to be mean. just as you made assumptions and interpreted what I wrote, I did the same. Can't do much more.
I am not sure what you expect people to do on a forum, but generally it involves making assumptions based on what can be interpreted from the page. That's all I am doing. Nothing more nothing less.
My words are based on my own experiences, and realizations, along with long, detailed conversations with both sexes on the subject and meant to be from me. If your experience is different then great, but like I said, you would fall far out of the norm from my own experience as well as what has been gained through my conversations and explorations of the subject with other.
There are always exceptions that prove the rule. Don't get all antsy or uptight by my words. You made just as many assumptions and interpretations as I did. frankly, since I don't know you, your relationship does not mean, well anything to me directly, and didn't mean to make it sound as if it did, neither did I make any assumption that I would mean anything to you.
It's no biggie, I am fine when people disagree with me, in fact in some cases, depending on the person, it has lead to some of the best realizations of my life so I welcome it... as long as that disagreement can be handled by both parties. Doesn't always work that way, say la vie
Honestly I'm too old to equate sex with love anymore. I'm not sure that I ever did. I have sure known plenty of women who did, however. Women who, after a one night stand, wondered if he loved her. REALLY???? I see the young girls in my neck of the woods who believe a guy loves her b/c he's having sex with her (even though he treats her like total crap).
If my sweetie stopped having sex with me, I wouldn't doubt his love, but I'd know there's an issue *somewhere*. Somehow I think if he stopped loving me, there would be way more evidence of that than the cessation of sex.
Maybe that's an entirely different thing, however.
WOW, I don't equate what I thought when i was young and just testing the waters to reality LOL I guess I grew out of that "he must love me if he is inside me" thing... Looking back I feel that was society placing a little girl feminine thing on me.
Lets say for argument's sake.... I am speaking of the adult viewpoint here HAHA
Used to thin that was just about right, till I tangled up in 45 going on 18, but that is whole different issue HAHA
Seriously though, I think your age will totally change the connection to my point of view. I think at a certain age all that girly crap about love and sex becomes, I dont know, unrealistic somehow? It kind of goes the way of fairytales and knights on white horses. LOL I have to laugh even thinking about my youth and that OMG I love him so I will F him thought process. Youth was so cute HAHA
wow, i aparently really push the buttons of folks standing on the defensive. Really didnt mean to, can only suggest finding a zen and chilling out Posted via Mobile Device
Ahh, well kink is whole different story, and somehow I think flogging definitely separates intimacy from pleasure HAHA Or pain, unless one leads to the other for you HAHA
Re: Just some thoughts on sex from 1 woman 
