Sounds like the OP is going to have to learn this the hard way to me. Too bad. I hate to see someone signing up for this, but she seems to be on railroad tracks.
I wouldn't encourage divorce every time things get rocky. Unless, you have tried EVERYTHING & ANYTHING there is to make the marriage/relationship work, then maybe it's time. I have seen so many marriages on the rock, very bad, but couples work through and things become better than ever! BUT you have to be willing to work of course, not just sit back and watch the partner do all the work. Trust me, anything can work if you're willing. Don't just quit as soon as things get rough, you're just escaping what could potentially be fixed. And in the end it only makes you stronger!
I know a lot of you don't approve and many of you are so kind as to advise me to walk away...but it's difficult! It's immature and yes I know the consequence would be disastrous, that's why I'm not doing anything! I'm just dreaming, writing all this stuff on here and suffering by myself. I still love my husband and he's still very important. I couldn't live without him to be honest. But it's a different kind of love (probably it's a true one) but there's no big flame.
As said I have been trying to distract myself but its difficult as I see him now and then, and can't help thinking about him. Anyway I'm still trying! Yes it's been months and nothing happens! So its clear that he's not interested and I'm not going to do it. Yes there was moment of weakness and I was really scared I might give in!
Didn't mean to hurt anyone. I don't think I can do that to his wife or children, and I believe he wouldn't either (hence I do have do respect for him). I think we are getting close because we've been working together for almost s year now, and there are not many ppl to talk to about personal things so we end up sharing with each other.
Anyway, I'm working on this! im not good at forgetting it all together but I'm doing quite well in keeping it to myself! Posted via Mobile Device
It is good that you haven't done anything about it. But you keep thinking about it. Actions follow thoughts and thoughts follow actions. The more you think about this man, the more your feelings will follow him. Feelings are just feelings; they are fickle and not concrete reality and nothing needs to be done about them.
If you quit your job, you will have no more contact with this man. You will not have any reason to think about him. He will become fainter in your mind. I can't say it enough. The job is NOT WORTH the problems it's creating.
If you start acting more lovingly toward your husband, even if you don't feel the flame, it might come back (you'd be surprised). I think you're right that you really love your husband, but the spark is gone. It is up to you to fan the spark. The fun, easy part of relationships only lasts from 6 months to 2 years. You guys have been married for 3! Now it's going to be hard work to keep the flame going. A lot of people jump ship when the fireworks first go away and flit from relationship to relationship for the 'high'. But they miss the real love, the deep love of truly knowing and caring for someone.
If you give your husband a big hug and a big smile when you come home from work, send him a romantic text during the day, compliment things he does around the house, flirt with him, he will likely respond by doing and saying nice things for you. It may be a little awkward at first, but keep at it. Thoughts and feelings follow action. The more you think of your husband's good points, the more good you'll find in him. Neither of you are perfect, but both of you have lovable qualities or you wouldn't have married in the first place.
Love is in actions and choices and not in feelings. The feelings are just there for us to enjoy as we reap the benefits of our choices.
I know a lot of you don't approve and many of you are so kind as to advise me to walk away...but it's difficult! .
It's only as difficult as you want it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by s.t.
It's immature and yes I know the consequence would be disastrous
Yes it's been months and nothing happens!So its clear that he's not interested and I'm not going to do it. Yes there was moment of weakness and I was really scared I might give in!
Didn't mean to hurt anyone. I don't think I can do that to his wife or children
You sure seem interested in whether he wnats to do it or not. Why do you care if he's interested?
You are married. He is married. He is your boss. He has a wife and kids. You have a husband.
If you have that great of concern of the consequences this will lead to, you wouldn't even be struggling with this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera
Tell your mother.
Made me
No but seriously...what would your mother tell you to do?
Constructing a fantasy of the perfect man and the perfect life around your boss limits the relationship you can have with your husband.
But if you can label it a crush and have the fortitude to not act on it, no matter what, then you can probably use it in just the way you already have. Whether your boss is some sort of serial sexual predator in the workplace (highly unlikely) or just a midlife crisis looking for a place to happen, he. will. come on to you. Undoubtedly. At some point.
So you have to make the decision from the outset that when the time comes, it's a thanks, but no thanks.
As for all the, "Quit your job, NOW!" suggestions... in the job market today, I think it's extremely naive to think any woman has the luxury of a noble resignation, a brave march out the door, and being able to land another job.
No-one else has said it so I will, and risk getting my marching orders.
You are behaving like an idiotic 13 year old girl. Your fantasy is ongoing because YOU perpetuate it. YOU are looking for signs of an 'in' with this man and are foolishly pursuing it. You have made several comments in which you portray yourself as the hunter, and others where he is. You obviously have no clue about reality and are a warped little individual.
Do whatever the hell you want, but the first thing you have to do is tell your husband and find out what his reaction is.
Your behaviours are what give women a bad reputation.
You must be extremely young and/or immature. Workplaces are crawling with men like this who prey on your naivete. Take it from some of us women who've been around the block a few times...when a man tells you "my wife just doesn't understand me," and looks like a downtrodden little boy take note...this is the oldest line in the book sweetie!!! Don't fall for it. This is the opening he will use to gain your sympathy and convince you that you really aren't doing anything wrong by getting involved with him...after all, he's in SUCH an unsatisfying relationship and his wife is SUCH a beotch! Yada, yada, yada. Truth is, he probably is perfectly happy at home, especially if he has a wife who overlooks or is ignorant of his indiscretions. When you grow up a little, you'll realize that this is a distinct type of predator and they're everywhere.If you fall for this, you will eventually realize that you've been had. He has probably pulled this act with every "young thing" that has passed through the office. Please spare yourself the pain and humiliation when you wake up someday and discover that you've been used and thrown over for the next piece of a** that he meets in the lunchroom. You are allowing your ego to convince you that he thinks your special...he doesn't. And you're not.
My aunt fell for this crap when she was a single mom in her forties, so we can be naive and immature at any age.
S.T, you already know what most of us think. I hope that you are strong enough to walk away and focus on your marriage.
It's like when you can see the train wreckage before it even happens and you're warning someone, don't drive that way...there is a train wreck...traffic's backed up.
Re: Married and in love with boss...! 
You must be extremely young and/or immature. Workplaces are crawling with men like this who prey on your naivete. Take it from some of us women who've been around the block a few times...when a man tells you "my wife just doesn't understand me," and looks like a downtrodden little boy take note...this is the oldest line in the book sweetie!!! Don't fall for it. This is the opening he will use to gain your sympathy and convince you that you really aren't doing anything wrong by getting involved with him...after all, he's in SUCH an unsatisfying relationship and his wife is SUCH a beotch! Yada, yada, yada. Truth is, he probably is perfectly happy at home, especially if he has a wife who overlooks or is ignorant of his indiscretions. When you grow up a little, you'll realize that this is a distinct type of predator and they're everywhere.If you fall for this, you will eventually realize that you've been had. He has probably pulled this act with every "young thing" that has passed through the office. Please spare yourself the pain and humiliation when you wake up someday and discover that you've been used and thrown over for the next piece of a** that he meets in the lunchroom. You are allowing your ego to convince you that he thinks your special...he doesn't. And you're not.
