At the same time, my husband continues to keep in touch with his girl friends (which we argued about) and watching porn. He said he watches porn to 'do it himself' when I am tired. My husband is a lovely person and loves me very much. I want to ignore things about his girl friends and porns but then I discover that he has a really violent porn taste which grossed me out! Now it seems difficult to ignore that.
I have a different perspective on this. I don't care if people think I'm a prude or Victorian, or whatever. Other people's opinions of me are none of my business.
Your husband keeps in touch with his GIRL FRIENDS? WHY??? He's not only looking at porn, but you term it "violent." Not sure what that means, and you don't need to elaborate, but it sounds like you have retreated into a fantasy world because some of the realities of your marriage aren't particularly savory.
I'm sick and tired of hearing the same blah, blah, blah that all men look at porn, all men enjoy watching porn, etc. I personally know of men who DO NOT look at porn. "Well, all the other guys do it, so it's okay for me to do it too. After all, we ARE guys." Baloney!
I remember a friend of mine trying to justify Bill Clinton's so-called "affair" with Monica Lewinsky by saying, "All guys do it." Oh, really? My dad didn't mess around on my mom. My FIL didn't mess around on my MIL for the 51 years they were married.
I'm not condoning what you are doing. DO NOT flirt with your boss. You've already gotten the vibe that he does not like it. It sounds like you have a high-school crush on your boss.
You are married, and what you got is what you got. You and your husband need to work this out. Living in a fantasy world - whether it's porn, contacting ex-girlfriends (ugh!), or having a crush on a boss, makes me think there is some deep-seated dissatisfaction going on between both partners. Time to leave dreamland behind and get down to the reality of marriage. Not romantic, not pretty, and not always nice. Hard work. Give it a try.