mentallydrained

Hello Ladies,
I have been severely struggling for a year now with self confidence, eteem, etc. My weight fluxuates every time I try to lose. I did weight watchers lost 20lbs in 4 months, gained it all back in 1year or 2. Lost again, about 10, gained back this past year.

I hate clothes shopping, looking in mirror. I refuse sex. For last 2 years, if do have sex, must be under covers and never ever am I completely naked. I hate my belly roll and muffin still from c-section. (daughter is now 7, but had one prior to her too).

Just when I start to feel like I'm going to do something for me to allow me to feel better...it's like I wake up and think why? Not like I can afford gym, at night H does his thing and when I have tried exercising at night my daughter get's upset I don't do things with her. She will start to exercise with me and then tell me she's bored and wants me to hurry up.

Our food style sucks which I know contributes. I don't complain as H cooks during week due to my schedule in getting home. It's always quick foods, frozen dinners, boxed food, or fried. I know how I felt with weight watchers and so does he. He did with me and lost. He never had bowel issues then but once quite...well.

He has good matabolism. When he is upset or stressed, he losses. Me... I eat. I know I eat out of comfort, boredum, and just plan ol' not happy or liking me, myself, and I in life. I just told my mom today, I honestly feel my marriage makes me fat an ugly. Yes, I'm also drowning in self pity right now.

There is a lot more involved with me and my marriage situation besides my personal issues, but sadly, I feel while in this situation, I'll never be self happy. I have times I feel sexual, erotic, but as soon as I drive that long as drive home since our move, and see H, it's like the deflated balloon. When we have sex, it's that just sex. We haven't passionatly kissed for years.

I have resorted to all kinds of diet pills for extra umph! Bad I know. I just need something to stop the wanting to eat. I can be full and still mentally convince myself just eat it all....not like you like your body anyway. I've mentally fried my brain and today, for what ever reason, I've come to see I need help. I need focus, motivation for ME. Not for H or anyone else, for ME.

When someone says I look beautiful or sexy, I want to say Thank you with confidence, not in mannor of 'ya what ever lier'. I'v been on wellbutrin now for 3 months. Maybe dosage is off? Hoped it would help me lose. No such luck.

Any one have a favorit form of home remediese? Like home exercising? Videos? Cost effective ideas? Pills? anything? We do have a wii. The damn thing said I was border of being Obese. Haven't been on since. Sad, huh.

Just thought if there was someone here that was ever in the deepest of lows as myself, and found there way out...maybe they could advise and encourage.

Thanks for your time.

Trenton

The thing is you have to make a commitment to yourself to change your lifestyle and become that lifestyle. When I started on my healthy lifestyle journey I clearly remember my Mom & Sister (who have always struggled with weight loss) telling me it would only be a matter of time till I put it all back on. I have lost 60 pounds since starting my weight loss journey 4 years ago. I've learned so much that it's been an interesting wake up and education about my body, the food we eat and the choices we make.

My best suggestions for you would be:
You have the internet so read online as much as you can! There is a barrage of information out there.

Don't be hard on yourself. Every day is a new day. We all slip up and we all get back up again.

Decide you want it more than you want the ease of feeling insecure. The truth is, it's work and it's commitment but once you do it long enough it becomes your life and then you're good to go.

It takes months, years even, to change habits you've done your whole life. This is why you have to give yourself so many breaks. None of us are perfect.

There are easy things you can do that help you control calorie intake and are healthier for your body like swapping out items that are loaded with fat for low fat, healthier choices.

You can definitely work out at home. A work out can be as simple as scrubbing your kitchen floor, jogging (maybe start out with walking) a committed mile a day, shoveling snow, racking leaves, playing with the kids.

Hip Hop Abs is how I started. I was 189 pounds at my heaviest after my third child. I took that half hour for myself and changed my diet and voila. Now I'm 130.

The key word is commitment. Without a commitment to anything in your life, you won't stick with it. Don't be afraid to start. You can do it and you will do it if you want to do it.

Me? I'm over here rooting for you!

WhereAmI

Your youngest is seven? I think it would be a great idea for her to see that you need "mom time." You don't want her to grow up and not spend time on herself, right? Use the time at night to exercise! I think the wii fit is a decent place to start. It's fun and gets you moving!

Start changing your dietary habits slowly so you don't feel like you're missing anything. Switch to whole wheat over white flour products. Phase soda out. Find a treat that you don't need much of to make you feel satisfied and rewarded (for me it was Riesens).

I've found that actually adding in the healthier stuff helps me cut back on the bad. If I'm eating a bunch of brussel sprouts I'm not going to have room for a piece of cake later, right? Up your fruit and veggies intake.

I've found that I will gain weight if I'm not taking a multivitamin. I'm fairly certain that I'm odd in that sense, but it never hurts to try!

As for accepting compliments graciously, just do it! It feels odd at first, but it starts to become second nature. Now there are times I'll even compliment myself. My husband asked me what I was doing in the bathroom this morning and I said, "admiring my ass!" It was true. LOL You have to have at least one thing about yourself that is amazing. Talk about it, be proud of it! Confidence is sexy!

major misfit

Your daughter is 7...get a bicycle and go bike riding with her on the weekends. I understand that you work, and are trying to spend time in the evenings with your daughter. At her age, she likely goes to bed at a decent hour, giving you a bit of time to yourself. Use that time to do simple exercises, to start. During lunch, go for a 15 min walk. There are things you can involve your daughter in, that would be exercise for you as well. Take her to the skating rink. Go bowling. It's about making a more active lifestyle.

And absolutely changing the eating habits is a must. If you make changes, you'll see results. You have to be patient with yourself, though. You should lose an average of 2lbs. per week. Initially it may be more, as you lose the water weight.

I lost 124 lbs. just by walking and changing my eating habits. I ate no flour, sugar or refined carbs. Up the veggies. Up the protein. Protein makes you stay fuller longer. One thing I did NOT cut out was fats. Your body needs them. But it needs the good fats. Olive oil is wonderful. I do still use real butter, though sparingly.

It can be done, but it starts with that first step. You wake up and say "this is the day" and make those changes. You really CAN do this.

__________________
The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. ***Maya Angelou

"But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve" ***Professor Barnhardt to Klaatu

nice777guy

Walk. Do pushups, crunches and squats (google 100 Push-up challenge for help). Jumping jacks. Toe touches. Jump rope.

All are very basic things that are very healthy and can be done without spending money.

mentallydrained

I like that! Admiring your ass! Me, I don't even look towards the mirro after shower as I literally cry. Why isn't that enough for me to get disciplined? I guess over years I've found it easier to just be sad and miserable. Less friction and easier to 'go with the flow' I guess. I don't know so lost and clueless.

Your right. I've been told even if bigger, over weight some, it's the confidence and mannorisms that make one sexy. I love myself, neck up. My eyes are the only thing I feel is sexy. Sadly, my daughter is picking up on some of this which saddens me.

She will see a very skinny lady out or ladies we know and say "Mommy, would you like to be so and so's size?" Or, look at her mom...she's skinny like twigs. Those comments are what have depressed me more to realize I need find strength, confidence, focus, commitment to change for ME and to be a better person for my daughter. I've resorted to be 'fine' with being overwieght, tired, and depressed. Blah!

Thanks for encouragement. Gonna have to figure out a strategy.

mentallydrained

Thanks everyone for reading and posting. To hear some of you in how much you have lost on your own, is awesome! I need to lose 25-30 to be 'ideal' weight. I know I can 20. Have before. But, before, I didn't feel I was in a place I didn't belong or want to be.

So, with that said....I guess next few days I need to research, plan, figure out what I can do to start slow and work way in to a regimin. I just said to mom today, when I get home, I let the environment just drag me down. Almost like I feel I HAVE to be a downer out of pure habit. It's very sad and NOTHING like me. The real me!

Feel like I shoudl google "Is your marriage making you fat"! Always and excuse. Feeling pathetic.

Okay, well...right now, looking to see what I can do to start! Maybe Monday needs to be the new start of a new me!

Leahdorus

Trenton is right - it's a lifestyle change. When you are ready, you will find the willpower to make the changes you need, including making time for exercise and changing your diet to eat healthier foods. 10-20 lbs is not a significant amount of weight to lose, but changing your habits will help in many ways beyond weight.

Some tools I use that might be helpful to you:
FitDeck Exercise Playing Cards - buy their Bodyweight deck and do a few exercises at home (no equipment needed). Gradually increase the reps, intensity, or # of cards you choose to do.

Free Calorie Counter, Diet & Exercise Journal | MyFitnessPal.com - free website to help you track what you eat, and reduce calories in a safe way. Good supportive community for help getting and staying motivated.

Good luck! You can do it!

__________________
Do, or do not. There is no "try".

- Jedi Master Yoda

Trenton

I was just reminded today of the importance of getting your health checked out too. If you can, get a physical. It'll give you a good marker for your cholesterol & thyroid.

I went to my Dr. today for my thyroid and they just doubled the dose of synthroid I have to take. If I didn't check out my health I would have had no idea I had hypothyroid and that can apparently affect a lot, including your weight.

tamara24

The weight issue is a huge one for me too. Have you watched Dr. Oz? I usually don't watch t.v. shows but he is really good at explaining what happens when we eat the wrong foods and gives you ideas on how to shop for foods. Shop the perimeter of the grocery store. Getting more fruits and veggies as snacks.

As far as the hubby cooking. Boxed foods are lots of salt and preservatives. Do you own a grill? Grill skinless chicken breasts and make extra for lunches or to fix for another night for dinner. Use the crock pot. I also learned how to make stir frys. Even my picky eater loves the crunchy veggies and she helps by picking out which veggies to put into them. This always is a sure way to get her to eat. It is easy to fix and hubby can handle it. I also have started cooking a few meals and freezing them. They are life savers.

The wii is an excellent way to get the kids involved. Have you tried zumba? My friend swears by it.even the kids get involved.

I know how your self esteem plays a huge role on how you feel. Seriously though, just make good choices. Get a reusable water bottle. I detest drinking water. But I found sugar free lemonade packets to add to it,limes and lemons are awesome. Sometimes I add oranges,lemons,limes and cherries,let it soak in a pitcher overnight and I have a great citrus drink to sip in my water bottle all day. Use sea salt. These little changes will make a difference and you are setting an example with your kids.try new foods,and experiment. You are tired now,but once you start the changes,you will feel the difference not just on the outside but on the inside!

Wishing you all the best!
Posted via Mobile Device

Therealbrighteyes

Do you have an MP3 player? Load your favorite songs and go for a walk around the neighborhood. Do not, and I mean do NOT listen to these songs any other time. This will reinforce that going for a walk is fun and enjoyable as it is your only time to hear you favorite tunes. Just put one foot of the other!

Why Not Be Happy?

I like the "including your children" in activities....it is important for kids to be fit and healthy. Change your diets----cut back on processed foods. You can do it! You don't have a lot of weight to lose.....set a goal and do it. Besides, a good work-out makes you feel awesome.
(on a side note: many local Y's have reduced rate memberships if you qualify and run programs that help with healthy living).
Physical fitness helps mental fitness...