Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
I just want to start by saying that I know this is not the issue in every relationship. And that my h has never told me I'm overweight. However we have been married 7 months and he never touches me. At this point I don't think I even want him to until we find a way to fix our underlieing problems that he chooses to ignore. I have been doing weight watchers since January. I've gained 50+ pounds the last 4 or 5 years and it was time to start looking better and being healthier. I recently turned thirty and that was one of the triggers to change. I've lost ten lbs so far and am definitely making healthier eating choices. My h on the other hand seems to be eating more and gaining more weight. He changed jobs and is not very active now in the winter. Today for lunch he ate part of a bag of chiPs, had 2 pepsi's and ate 4 hotdogs. He doesn't seem to realize how unhealthy it is. He is almost 37 and I worry about his cholesterol and his blood pressure because his dad has recently started having health problems. Although he sees how much better I look and feel after only ten lbs he doesn't seem to think it matters that he has a beer belly and continually gains weight. If I put on as much weight as him I would be considered unattractive so why the double standard in societies eyes and how do I make him see what his choices are doing? Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
There really isn't much to be done about the double standard. The guidelines for what is attractive to either sex seldom encompasses obesity. That is not to say that heavy people cannot be attractive.
I rant about this ... occasionally ...
Most people are WAY too passive about what and how they eat.
Quick breakdown on your hubbie's lunch ....
3 hot dogs and buns (excluding condiments) - 750 calories
2 16 oz pesis - 400 calories
bag of chips (presuming 2.5 oz) - 375
An overwhelming percentage of the calories in that lunch are sugar and fat. He has already consumed 15 of the 20 grams of saturated fat that are suggested for adults.
At lunch alone, your husband has consumed over 1500 calories.
Once you take the time to stop, and think about what that all means, and presuming the intake equivalent of at least two more similar meals, you have roughly doubled the 2000 - 2400 calorie RDA per day.
Unless your husband is an accomplished endurance athlete, those kind of calorie totals can only result in one thing ... putting on fat.
Congratulations on your success thus far. Learning how, and what to eat, I believe is the bigger hurdle for Americans than ignoring the fact that exercise is good for you.
To be successful, you need both. You can get results with either. You get the benefits of the 'lifestyle' if you do both.
What I have seen on a number of occasions, is a person that embraces a healthy lifestyle, and their partner actually becomes resentful and surprisingly ... unsupportive.
They used diminishing and dismissive language, all in an effort pull the relationship back into the familiar and unhealthy patterns that they are more secure with. Seen with both men and women.
Stick with it, whether he chooses to step up or keep bellying up.
Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
I agree that there is nothing we can do about a double standard and I also agree that attractiveness doesn't always have to do with physical attraction. Thanks for your post. I hope to continue to lose my weight regardless of what he is doing. It just totally frustrates me, and I needed to rant and here others' views on the subject. He doesn't seem interested in much lately, and I think the eating just goes along with it. When I try to talk to him or say something about how much he is eating, he gets defensive. He has made a bunch of deer jerky and has consumed 2 gallon bags in 2 months all by himself. He seems to eat, eat, eat when he gets started.
Not being attracted to him didn't start with weight. It is just another thing added on top of everything else. It is all our fights being pushed under the rug by him. It is him not wanting to talk about anything. It is him not talking to his own children for over 2 months. I suppose if we didn't live together and he got his feelings hurt, he would ignore me for months as well. That seems to be his way of dealing with things. Our problems go way beyond his weight gain and eating unhealthy.
Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
I dont think there is a double standard. I've told my H if he gets fat i'll divorce him. I could never consider marrying someone that didnt take care of their body. that's just gross.
If you fell in love with this guy while he was like this then you really dont have a leg to stand on. If you have changed and you now want a healthier lifestyle that is wonderful, but forcing that on him is crossing his boundaries.
Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blanca
I dont think there is a double standard. I've told my H if he gets fat i'll divorce him. I could never consider marrying someone that didnt take care of their body. that's just gross.
If you fell in love with this guy while he was like this then you really dont have a leg to stand on. If you have changed and you now want a healthier lifestyle that is wonderful, but forcing that on him is crossing his boundaries.
I disagree. There is most certainly a double standard. A man gets older and he gets distinguished. A woman gets older and well, she is just old. Same with weight. These forums are rife with men talking about how their wives got heavier but if I were to hazard a guess, the men did too. Guys are allowed to gain weight and loose their hair and they will still be viewed in a positive light. Women gain 20 pounds or age and they are viewed as lazy and over the hill. It isn't fair but that is what happens.
As for the OP, congratulations on your new found way of life. Please also consider taking a 30 minute walk at least 3 times a week. Load up your MP3 player with your favorite songs but don't listen to it any other time than while excercising. This then will reinforce that excercise is a treat and not a chore. Great tunes!
Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blanca
I dont think there is a double standard. I've told my H if he gets fat i'll divorce him. I could never consider marrying someone that didnt take care of their body. that's just gross.
If you fell in love with this guy while he was like this then you really dont have a leg to stand on. If you have changed and you now want a healthier lifestyle that is wonderful, but forcing that on him is crossing his boundaries.
that in itself is a double standard, havent seen one woman on here advise a man with a "fat" wife that he should divorce her
Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
It's not a double standard, women have a little more tolerance, but I have multiple women I've been in contact with that have the fat husband issue and they hate it.
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Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
I think what it comes down to is that women are more likely NOT to see things once they have an attraction to the person as opposed to the body... Men stay attached to the body, unable to separate the two in heart or head (though it usually happens eventually)
And ya, there is that stupid double standard and the fact that the world seems to spend every waking minute telling women that they are NOT good enough unless they fit the mold of less than 1% of the freakish population that is the super model, and is also telling men THAT is all that is sexy, so the cards are kinda stacked against us.
Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brennan
I disagree. There is most certainly a double standard. A man gets older and he gets distinguished. A woman gets older and well, she is just old. Same with weight. These forums are rife with men talking about how their wives got heavier but if I were to hazard a guess, the men did too. Guys are allowed to gain weight and loose their hair and they will still be viewed in a positive light. Women gain 20 pounds or age and they are viewed as lazy and over the hill. It isn't fair but that is what happens.
I dont recall the OP saying her H asked her to lose weight. Sounds like he was OK with her just the way she was. Yet she is asking him and threatening to leave if he doesnt. Doesnt sound like the distinguished male scenario you've described.
If anything the OP is only holding up the stereotype that women marry men and then try and change them.
I dont recall the OP saying her H asked her to lose weight. Sounds like he was OK with her just the way she was. Yet she is asking him and threatening to leave if he doesnt. Doesnt sound like the distinguished male scenario you've described.
If anything the OP is only holding up the stereotype that women marry men and then try and change them.
If you are talking about my original post I never meant to imply I would leave him for this. Just another frustration between my h and I. And I guess I'm looking for what makes him unattractive to me. I think it has a lot more to it than just his health but it is def becoming part of the problem. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
I don't see it as a double standard at all. I see it as women being less flawed than us men. See women have always been able to "look past" the physical inperfections of a man, and see his inner beauty for what it is. That's why you see 10x as ordinary looking guys ... pull women who are out of thier league than vice versa. Sure i know other things factor in on that, like money, power, status etc. But for most part its true, there are a lot of guys who were just a 7 pull a woman if they are a 9. Whereas how many OK looking women, pull off the Brad Pitt type looking guys??? Very few. We are just too superficial.
Re: Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight?
Women have less back up from society if we look at a man and think "Damn, boy is packin it on... EWE!". Meanwhile, damn near EVERYTHING in society is backing up the man (while telling him straight up she should be thin) if he says it, therefore it is just ok, almost expected for them to be more into the looks. Women are allowed to be, but they either look outside the norm if they do, or there is nothing to back up, reassure her that it is OK to think that.
I think women are connected to far more when it comes to attraction. Not too many men would think a seriously physically attractive and sexy women is any uglier for either being a total dope, or even a *****.. nope, she's still hot.... women, on the other hand, will instantly see a man as less attractive if he acts like an ass. Or more attractive if he acts the opposite... we're weird HAHA
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Why does weight only seem to be an issue if it's the woman who's overweight? 
