hitrockbottom

Ok Will a women intentionally place there husband/man in a situation they know is uncomfortable in order to gauge his reactions/explanation thereof, from the situation.

IE:
Wife has family members living in your house. One family member is elderly and is/cannot live on her own, you have accepted that. However with that one family member came 3-4 others.

Now here is the kicker. Wife loves said family members, but they have added extra stress/burden on an already over stacked mind. Wife cannot tell them to leave and looks to you.

If you ask them to leave, she is upset by you telling them to leave. However if you let them stay she is upset that you are (for lack of better word) Weak. Where do go from there.

Do You
A.) Tell them to pack it up and put them on the street.
B.) Give them a time frame and stick to it.
C.) Help them one last time then take the crutch away
D.) Become paralyzed in fear of the unknown/not wanting to cause a rift and do nothing.

If you do nothing, marriage is doomed, but wife is happy (somewhat).
If you act, stress is removed(temp. until said family trys there luck again)

Any thoughts?

swedish

I'd opt for B.) but would make the time frame realistic, especially if children are part of this group.

Since your wife seems to be unhappy with either outcome, the best scenario would be to talk it through with her ... go through each option/variations of each and come up with something you both think will work ... she probably just wants to know that her family will be ok but doesn't want the burden anymore...if they are helpless to get themselves sorted, maybe that's where you can step in and say ok you get xxx per month and I've found yyy places in the area you should check out.

hitrockbottom

Yeah.
No kids. Not in the immediate picture. However there are the nephews that the family has pushed for us to take custody over. for the last 3yrs. Both of us have greatly expressed our desire not to do so.

Tonight I will discuss one last time with her. Then I am talking with the rest of the family. 1 month should be applicable time for them to find job and begin to move out.

MarkTwain

hitrockbottom-

You are such a good person, but you are also a pushover. Perhaps life is teaching you how to attain "true grit". We have a saying here: "No more Mr. Nice Guy". I hope you can learn to crack the whip. Good luck.

ljtseng

how funny because im going through the same thing with my H. my sister and her boyfriend have asked to stay with us if their current living situation becomes unavailable. I talked to my H and told him if it was not 100% OK with it then i would tell her they cant stay here. I told him i would never want to put the extra stress on him to take care of my family. He said he was ok with them staying here but I let my sister know that we would in no way pay for their food or gas, etc. That wasnt even an option. I would never put that stress on my H. He works too hard for that kind of nonsense.

My H said he's ok if they stay here so then I told him we should come up with a time frame and work out all the other details and that I would talk to my sister. I wouldn't put him in a position to have to feel like the bad guy and that he has to tell them to leave.

mommy22

I haven't been in your shoes exactly, but something similar involving family. I don't envy you. If it's any consolation, I think you're being very fair on all counts. You are right to give them the boot. You have to look at what's in the best interest for you and your wife.

draconis

I'd say a combination of B&C

draconis

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jennyc

I'd say B. You are a kind person indeed...I wouldn't be able to deal with something like that and its time to put the peddle to the metal

Fine

I cant imagine myself in your place because I wont let anyone take advantage of me. wife or not.
you can see how she kept adding more members in your house becuase you are always 'OK' with it... its a pattern
ANYONE would take advantage if you show weakness even your mom! they do it with no evil attention sometimes its just how human's mind work.
Be frank, sit with her and tell her what you think, and how you are upset, and that YOU WANT them out. show some of that ANGER that simmers inside you. and DONT BE AFRAID of making a rift becuase you are not doing anything WRONG. its your rights that are stolen to have a peaceful life...
even if she gets upset at you after you say so, DONT back down, in fact, show MORE anger if she gets upset, show her that you dont care this time... dont worry, nothing bad will happen its just a process you will get through
I also noticed how you are afraid of getting your marriage doomed, this fear crippling you to do anything to upset your wife even when what she is doing is wrong...
you wanna check out why you feel so... and fix this inscure feeling.. you need to let out the beast inside you!

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snix11

I had this situation before. Worked out great! First month was a freebie, we'll let damn near anybody move in. After the first month they are on contract. What does that mean? The live in's do their share. They contribute either to the expenses thru money or to the household thru work. We live on a farm, plenty of work to do!

One family stayed with us more than six months. The house was spotless, the laundry done, the porches mended and fixed, the gardens tended. Worked out great!

Freeloaders find that the fridge and pantry and stocked with only water, veggies and rice. But then we have the same policy with our teenagers

Only once have we had to ask someone to actually leave.