[mariec123]

Hi. It seems like the night for needing advice. I have been married for quite a few years. We have a small child and I am a working Mom. My husband is not satisfied with our sex life and hasn't been for quite some time. He continually asks me what my fantasies are and I can't come up with any or at least any that in line with his. I want intimacy and a loving relationship and he wants different things. He frequents porn sites which totally turns me off. I don't want to drive him away, but feel hopeless.

[lostforwords]

ok, have you tried watching porn together? I know it sounds a little odd but, if you watch it together sometimes it spices things up a little. and you may want to try some role playing (nothing too out there) just some normal roles ask him some of his fantasy's are and try to fullfill them. try something new like some new sex position or a sex swing! maybe even do a strip tease for him or a pole dance. try to tease him... get him to where he wants you so bad... don't actually have the sex right off wait and do some foreplay. where ever is gets the most turned on by you kissing him do it a lot and just keep teasing that should heat things up a little hope things work for ya

[bella]

My recommendation would be to switch back and forth between the two...intimate sometimes and fun and different other times. Maybe your husband just wants to spice things up a little?? If you give into his need to do something different occasionally, he may give into your need for intimacy more frequently. Now obviously, if ALL that he wants is role playing, etc. then there may be an issue. But if it's just sometimes, I'd go with the flow and you might have fun! Good luck!

[SageMother]

Originally Posted by mariec123

Hi. It seems like the night for needing advice. I have been married for quite a few years. We have a small child and I am a working Mom. My husband is not satisfied with our sex life and hasn't been for quite some time. He continually asks me what my fantasies are and I can't come up with any or at least any that in line with his. I want intimacy and a loving relationship and he wants different things. He frequents porn sites which totally turns me off. I don't want to drive him away, but feel hopeless.

YOu didn't indicate what turns you off about theporn sites, but In your shoes, I would tell him that his looking at other women makes you feel less attractive or less willing to spend time working up the energy to explore more. I'd tell him that my fantasy is him getting his stimulus from ME and not from what he sees that is all fantasy. I'd tell him this even if it wasn't completely accurate, to take some of the pressure off ME and place it back on his behavior, because that sounds like alot of the problem.

If he was spending as much time as you are working, being concerned with the family and such, he wouldn't have the time to sit at the computer and be constantly stimulated, and THAT is probably alot of the problem..he stays stimulated more than you do.

[katharina]

Originally Posted by SageMother

In your shoes, I would tell him that his looking at other women makes you feel less attractive or less willing to spend time working up the energy to explore more. I'd tell him that my fantasy is him getting his stimulus from ME and not from what he sees that is all fantasy. I'd tell him this even if it wasn't completely accurate, to take some of the pressure off ME and place it back on his behavior, because that sounds like alot of the problem.

This is a very good answer. I couldn't really get to feeling loved and desired when the stimulation he received was from another woman or women. I want to have the confidence that *I* can make my man want me for ME.