Hello there ... this might sound like I am such an ass to be wanting to do this but i hope some of you could understand were I am coming from. My wife n I been married 4 years now.. and I have other problems in terms of marriage and commitmet but one of the main ones that seems to be on top of my list is my wife is and always have been more of a plain jane girl.. and i have grown to really appreciate beauty, fashion, the attitude, the need to be desired in ladies, and other similar qualities, jus that want and hunger to look good and sexy...and the best..... i love that in a girl.... my wife is a very nice kind hearted girl and has a heart of gold.. and we dont have any kids.. we r in our mid 20s. Now i am not tom cruise but i am little above average..and men r visual creatures... and i am such a sucker for beauty and style and attitude..... what r your thoughts...? have any of you made that transformation? .. is that even possible? does this has to come natural or can be developed.? thank you all
I wouldn't consider myself a plain Jane however I also would not call myself glamorous. As long as I'm clean and tidy then I'm happy to leave the house.
However, like you, my boyfriend likes to see me looking my best.
The way that he shows me his preferences are to be involved. By this I mean he comes shopping with me and gives me his opinion. When he is looking through a magazine he will show me things that he thinks would suit me (hair/dress/etc) when I change something he is very vocal about whether he likes it.
Example, the last couple of days I have done my hair so that my side fringe falls across my face instead of me pulling it back. Both days I have done it he has told me how pretty I look and how he really likes my hair that way. So I am now more inclined to wear my hair like that more often.
Sounds small but if this becomes the norm surely it would not only improve your current problem but also your communication. Posted via Mobile Device
I'd agree - carrot vs stick! I'm not necessarily a plain jane but definitely a country girl happy in gardening trackie bottoms or jeans, sloppy jumpers, hair however the wind blew it when I last came indoors
My OH (his ex was somewhat high maintenance and that proved a problem BUT she obviously made the most of herself) has made it clear he would rather I dolled myself up rather more:
he compliments me when I wear a skirt, says - admittedly sometimes with a resigned sigh - how nice my hair looks if I've taken trouble, ALWAYS notices makeup, particularly lipstick, so I'd hope you don't need to be pushing for a whole body makeover just a subtle shift of emphasis from little attention to detail to considerable attention to detail and the effect it has on you
Thanks so much for all this, I really appreciate it.. and yes I understood and i do my best to practice what I preach so i am being fair with her... i dont expect her to be supermodel while i am out of shape.. so i work at my shape and looks to her liking and also i do my best to take part in her beauty.. and compliement when she looks good.. and yes she does repeat those things but its still not her second nature. at times i feel liie she doesnt wanna do it or care about it but is doing it for me... which inturn makes me feel well i dont wanna force anybody.... to do what i want... but i d rather be with someone who does this by default.. and she can be with someone who doesnt care... again i know this sounds bad but honeslty rthe fact is that you women are the best creation of god.. when done right . even nature beaty cant compete with you... I am not talking about born beautifull.. but just making the best of what u got.. for the simple reason that u can and it would matter... cos u r beautifull... thats where I am coming from..... is it too much to think that i wish she had the desire to wanted by other men which in turn would make me attarcted to her even more... and proud and happy that she is mine.... idk.. I am sorry to be so fixeated on this but everybody has diff things they incline toward and I the kind of guy... who would get 10 jobs ... to provide and spoint every need and wants of urs if you could just... visually satisfy me.. every day... does this make any sense?
I hear what you are saying and I don't think you are wrong for feeling this way, if you think it is important then that is all that matters .... But .... Surely you knew her personality before you married? If it did not cause a problem then has something changed to make it more important now? Has her personal upkeep declined? If so then I do not think you out of line bringing it to her attention, sensitively.
But like I said, if she is the same now as when you married, why is it now a problem? Posted via Mobile Device
well, trneton saw me go from uber plain jane to the nth degree, to where her husband has been laughing that I am now wearing "normal" clothes LMAO Seriously, not kidding HAHA
Still not what I would call flashy, but I lost enough weight, tried on a few things I never thought would look decent and found out I LOVED IT!!!!! Found heels that make arse look WAY better than it really does WOOOHOOO, and learned how to use some basics of make up, though still relying on my trusty color by number eyeshadows from Loreal HAHA
Honestly, I just found out one day that I COULD look really good, the more I found that out, the more I wanted to find my fashion, play dress up and such. Now when I go out with the SO, he always feels underdressed in his jeans and sweatshirts, while I am dressed up, but I don't mind at all because I am really dressing up just for me, not for him (though he never seems to complain about it )
I hear what you are saying and I don't think you are wrong for feeling this way, if you think it is important then that is all that matters .... But .... Surely you knew her personality before you married? If it did not cause a problem then has something changed to make it more important now? Has her personal upkeep declined? If so then I do not think you out of line bringing it to her attention, sensitively.
But like I said, if she is the same now as when you married, why is it now a problem? Posted via Mobile Device
Excellent question JJG and I rthink the answer to your question is that I got married too young.. which is truly the underlying or overaching problem here... i got married at 22.. i m,et her during college and to be very honet.. i was so overpowered by having a career .. about my historical family troubles... etc that i neevr thought about beauty, or what attracts me.. but now i am 26 and over the years i have seen things learned things.. see women out there.. putting there best foot forward.. so as wrong as it was.. my marriage to her was because i had no choice i had to stay in the country and i hoped my liking will turn into love.. so i did not see or care for attraction.. she was a nice compassionate girl..who loved me... that all i saw... and yes sex was tons of fun when we were dating but that was cos i dint see her everyday.. and i was her first and only.. so it was all me teaching.. . so i think the only thing that has changed is that i have grown and see whats else is out there... how good girls can look. how well can they keep themselves... and i wish i had a wife like that....n see i am lucky that she is good with money, understanding, compromising etc tec.. which most people struggle with but this one thing she cant seem to conquer... keeping me attartced to her.... trust me i am not comparing her to a pornstar or super model. no.. i am realisic.. but its the little thing slike u said.. do the hair this way.. put the clothing that makes ur body desirable.. my wife seemed to have already moved on to thinking about becoming a mother..and i am like " you went front being a good young teenage girl straight to soccermom mentality... ??? what happeend to the early 20.s lets enjoy our youth.. lets explore our talents, our desires.. make a few mistakes may be and pleasure etc...
well, trneton saw me go from uber plain jane to the nth degree, to where her husband has been laughing that I am now wearing "normal" clothes LMAO Seriously, not kidding HAHA
Still not what I would call flashy, but I lost enough weight, tried on a few things I never thought would look decent and found out I LOVED IT!!!!! Found heels that make arse look WAY better than it really does WOOOHOOO, and learned how to use some basics of make up, though still relying on my trusty color by number eyeshadows from Loreal HAHA
Honestly, I just found out one day that I COULD look really good, the more I found that out, the more I wanted to find my fashion, play dress up and such. Now when I go out with the SO, he always feels underdressed in his jeans and sweatshirts, while I am dressed up, but I don't mind at all because I am really dressing up just for me, not for him (though he never seems to complain about it )
Thanks woodstock... you said it right there... just in ur response i can tell that it hit you one day and then stuck with it.. cos somwhere inside of you a lightbulb went off syaing.. " oh look- how sexy i can posisbly look." that what i need .. how did u get there.. i bet u saw others girls.. or couples.. and u had to have gone thru a stage where u said... " hey why cant i look lik that....? for that u have to have appreciation for good looks and actually care.. like i am a man but honeslty i am not ashamed to admit this that i notice even the slightes things in girl.. like when u walk past the mirroe.. that random glare as ur ass., when ur sitting . the way u put ur hands or legs,, when ur at the beach ... how to dress cute even if ur not he hottest girl in town, i can go on n on.. on but thats what i am talking about... the inner drive to be wanted and desired.. i see girls inmy office who have it and it just plays games with my mind.... my wife doesnt seem to have that DNA where .." oo his wife looks better than me.. i need to step it up... i am not saying do it to keep me around.. but do it to for ur own self esteem and make me happy in the process... just like i will promise to not get a beer belly.., shave my chest & down there. if u dont like it, not wear swets on sundays cos u dont wanna be walking around in the mall with a bum... how off am i here? ...
My question is, say your wife did as you asked and made some changes every now and then to look better, do you think that it would really be enough to make you happy? Or would there be another small problem to fix after that? And then another?
I'm wondering if its the marriage that is the real problem.
My advise is to have a very serious think. If you truely love your wife and want to be with her forever(not just convenience), bring up this issue and try to work to a compromise. It is the only option.
But if you discover that the problem is much deeper than your original post suggests then it is not fair on either of you to stay in the marriage. You both deserve to be happy and in love. Posted via Mobile Device
good point JJ and I you r right this is not the only problem but what i am not sure of if this all will go away eventually as i grwo old... i mean today as i see myself.. i wanna be single i wanna go out i wanna party and test the waters.. and ofcurse everybody knwos that it gets old but what i am saying is that i dont like the idea of commitment today... but may be tommorow i d like it... so do i wait to see if all these things clear my mind out n then i already a waife who i ahve apast with n who is willing to do anything for me?. or do i believe how i am feeling today , get out... and try to pursue this fanatasy life that i wanna have with a sexy beautiful girl... for some sick reason i have tis idea of trophy wife in my head and i cant help but feel i can do better... at times i feel yes most guys say hey grass is not greener but if i get out today i cans take my time find a girl then take as much time as i want to se if i am ready and she is one ..... unlike what i did 5 yrs ago... but then i am riskgin a past that i have with my wife for over 7 yeras... she was the one i met as a teenage.. she is the on who was at my graduation, we went thru a scary preg scare together... etc tec.. whch i think bonded us... .. i am just not sure sure how much of all this thats in my head fluff and how much is reality which i shouldnt ignore..... i am sorryy i been alone for quite some time .. making my own desicion and woring my way so i dont ever need or ask for help but this is very difficult for me... this involves feelings.. and i am in real life much of a mterial guy.. money cars, vacations big house.. those r my driving factors.... i am not a cold hearted person but i i am saying i have balls to pretty much do anything alone but this one thing i am so lost......i amost wish she hated me a little or had some easily identifyle flaws and i would out no problem.... but damn i had to marry the nicest girl in the world...
This is meant as a thought, or to provoke thought, not as a criticism implied or otherwise: You mention material things, having made much of your belief that (maybe too late - or just in time, depending on your definition) you might have made the 'lesser', 'plainer' or 'just plain wrong' wife-choice when younger
Did you acquire or achieve the material things through your own damned hard work either as an employee or entrepeneur - were you happy with your wife until you acquired these material things - you mention 'trophy' 'beautiful sexy wife' - which is more important, the trophy or the beautiful sexy wife, because they are definitely not one and the same thing: your wife, it could be argued, should be beautiful to you, and sexy to you (just taking away for a teeny moment the fact you've decided maybe she isn't sufficiently beautiful or sexy in your current mindset)
Do you think there's the slightest chance you've been passively down on her ref admiring other more 'trophy' sexy women - or reducing your compliments of her (if you ever gave them - forgive me if I've forgotten from your earlier posts)
If you resolve any or all of these questions still may not bring you to allround resolution: I'm nowhere near the trophy wife of my ex's previous (though with the application of tons of slap and a grand's worth of clothes and hair colour I reckon I'd far outshine her despite having 7 years on her!!!!) BUT he liked the fact my brain is far and away better than any of his previous - and therein, though it helps you none - is OUR problem - I'm too much of a challenge!! LOL
So maybe your wife is too sweet, too good and you do actually want the trophy, or maybe you just need a bit more soulsearching, or both - no, I haven't reached a conclusion or any advice either, just figured a few more observations couldn't hurt!
It doesn't sound real good that you want to be single again, testing waters. I can understand your wanting MORE from your wife, more Ohmmmph , more SPICE, more enticement from her end in how she carries herself , dresses, I think many men would like this in their wives. After marraige to still put on that makeup & act like you just came to the door to pick them up. Too often we get content & loose these things.
Sometimes marrying those nice sweet loving girls who are perfect in every way in "Goodness" turn out to be not too awful much fun in the dirtier aspects of what men THINK about. Some are very conservative, MOMMY oriented, lives to settle down with the white picket fence, homemaking, sewing, you get the picture, THIS is their enjoyments, their fullfillments, they don't think on much else.
I used to be THAT kind of girl, old fashioned, all about making a good home, having babies, and you know what, I never once cared to put on some lingerie-just didn't enter the brain, I dressed in Little house on the prairie type nightgowns, what I felt good in was dressing in sun dresses, I prided myself on how much $$ I saved - more than spicing up my sex life or enticing my husband. Shame shame. (I never forgot the makeup though!)
This all changed for me -but darn it took way too long, in my 40's! It took a Mid Life Crisis to wake me up ! And realize, where did all the years go, we missed out on So much FUN! why didnt we take erotic pictures back THEN before we had kids, why didn't I dress in lingerie & tease my husband, why didn't he buy me any! WHY WHY WHY.
If you feel this way, please talk to your wife, does she have any idea what these little things could do for YOU. Some women are just so uneducated about men, what they deeply desire & want, it helps to be clued into our men. For me, I had a "repressed" mindset in the sexual arena, felt bad girls dressed like that, acted like that. I have even had thoughts that women who dressed like that -was almost asking to get raped ! (I know this is terrible!) Not realizing it is GOOOOODDDDD to ACT this way at home with your husband ! It can make your marriage so much more EXCITING and FUN! I wish I could go back in time.
You & her are young, don't waste these years. Women are often very inhibited sexually, their husbands need to help them out of this as much as they can. If she feels you want someone else though and she is not enough, this will destroy her . So tread carefully.
I know this wasn't originally about sex, but I do believe the women who dress the way you are noticing, are MORE into sex, I think it just goes with the mentaility. Correct me if I am wrong.
IF your wife dressed more to catch your eye, acted more flirtatious in your presence, do you feel this would be enough for you ? What are you really looking for?
I get where you are coming from. I understand the allure of having the opposite sex noticing who you are with, how that makes you feel - proud, elated somehow. This is normal in my opionion. Just like we are proud of our children for winning a race, or getting an award. BUt it can be taken too far, the trophy wife thing, I think that is more about IMPRESSING others -than just taking pride in what a beautiful wife you have.
Thank you madimoff and yes ur observations r def valid and worth mentioning... this is very touchy subject as no matter how i put my feelings.. it is a very chance that it will come acrros as a husband who is not perfect himself somhow trygint o compaling about his non perfect wife... i am not saying thats what ur point is but i understand and appreciate that response.. bottom line is... those materail things have absoololty nothing to do with my wife... i am embitous guy and she has done nothing but supported me throughout it all... i if iwere to walk awya tommorow.. i am willing to give her every penny and walk out with just rthe clothes on my back... and i wont have any problems.... she is a very nice n kindhearted person... and thats why i appreciate her but eeryperson is diff... what floatds my boat might sink urs.... you r saying that a wife should be beautiful and sexy to her husband.,.. yes but rnt u now describing a perfect world and i know there peopel who live like that .. i am not that perfect... i think we live in a soceity and learn from it and get burned by it at times.... and in that society if there is something thats better than another then everybody will flock towards the better thing rather than thinking " oh what i have is better to me " people who do that are angesl from heaven and god bless their souls but the way i see the world .. unrecognized good is not good.... aka.. there are woman out there who every day have an understanding that they need to use there assets to charm other .. period... there husband happens to be one of them..... same goes for men.... we are appealing when we r successful, have our own place, financial stable.. have a huge **** and if not then really know how to use the average one..... etc tec..so it goes bothways.... u said it perfectlty.. u were too much of a challange,,,, i live for challanges... it will be awesome to have a woman.. who knows she is good and keeps me around just like I keep her around..... n this does not negate the value of love... but there is a price and value in trying to become the cream of the crop.... moving up in taxbrackest and looks. being part of the elite crew...... but u r absololty right on the fact that yes i may have made a wrong choice.... but i was too stupid n naive to even make a choice of that kind...... n here i am ... wondering whats next... QUOTE=madimoff;272393]This is meant as a thought, or to provoke thought, not as a criticism implied or otherwise: You mention material things, having made much of your belief that (maybe too late - or just in time, depending on your definition) you might have made the 'lesser', 'plainer' or 'just plain wrong' wife-choice when younger
Did you acquire or achieve the material things through your own damned hard work either as an employee or entrepeneur - were you happy with your wife until you acquired these material things - you mention 'trophy' 'beautiful sexy wife' - which is more important, the trophy or the beautiful sexy wife, because they are definitely not one and the same thing: your wife, it could be argued, should be beautiful to you, and sexy to you (just taking away for a teeny moment the fact you've decided maybe she isn't sufficiently beautiful or sexy in your current mindset)
Do you think there's the slightest chance you've been passively down on her ref admiring other more 'trophy' sexy women - or reducing your compliments of her (if you ever gave them - forgive me if I've forgotten from your earlier posts)
If you resolve any or all of these questions still may not bring you to allround resolution: I'm nowhere near the trophy wife of my ex's previous (though with the application of tons of slap and a grand's worth of clothes and hair colour I reckon I'd far outshine her despite having 7 years on her!!!!) BUT he liked the fact my brain is far and away better than any of his previous - and therein, though it helps you none - is OUR problem - I'm too much of a challenge!! LOL
So maybe your wife is too sweet, too good and you do actually want the trophy, or maybe you just need a bit more soulsearching, or both - no, I haven't reached a conclusion or any advice either, just figured a few more observations couldn't hurt![/QUOTE]
It doesn't sound real good that you want to be single again, testing waters. I can understand your wanting MORE from your wife, more Ohmmmph , more SPICE, more enticement from her end in how she carries herself , dresses, I think many men would like this in their wives. After marraige to still put on that makeup & act like you just came to the door to pick them up. Too often we get content & loose these things.
Sometimes marrying those nice sweet loving girls who are perfect in every way in "Goodness" turn out to be not too awful much fun in the dirtier aspects of what men THINK about. Some are very conservative, MOMMY oriented, lives to settle down with the white picket fence, homemaking, sewing, you get the picture, THIS is their enjoyments, their fullfillments, they don't think on much else.
I used to be THAT kind of girl, old fashioned, all about making a good home, having babies, and you know what, I never once cared to put on some lingerie-just didn't enter the brain, I dressed in Little house on the prairie type nightgowns, what I felt good in was dressing in sun dresses, I prided myself on how much $$ I saved - more than spicing up my sex life or enticing my husband. Shame shame. (I never forgot the makeup though!)
This all changed for me -but darn it took way too long, in my 40's! It took a Mid Life Crisis to wake me up ! And realize, where did all the years go, we missed out on So much FUN! why didnt we take erotic pictures back THEN before we had kids, why didn't I dress in lingerie & tease my husband, why didn't he buy me any! WHY WHY WHY.
If you feel this way, please talk to your wife, does she have any idea what these little things could do for YOU. Some women are just so uneducated about men, what they deeply desire & want, it helps to be clued into our men. For me, I had a "repressed" mindset in the sexual arena, felt bad girls dressed like that, acted like that. I have even had thoughts that women who dressed like that -was almost asking to get raped ! (I know this is terrible!) Not realizing it is GOOOOODDDDD to ACT this way at home with your husband ! It can make your marriage so much more EXCITING and FUN! I wish I could go back in time.
You & her are young, don't waste these years. Women are often very inhibited sexually, their husbands need to help them out of this as much as they can. If she feels you want someone else though and she is not enough, this will destroy her . So tread carefully.
I know this wasn't originally about sex, but I do believe the women who dress the way you are noticing, are MORE into sex, I think it just goes with the mentaility. Correct me if I am wrong.
IF your wife dressed more to catch your eye, acted more flirtatious in your presence, do you feel this would be enough for you ? What are you really looking for?
I get where you are coming from. I understand the allure of having the opposite sex noticing who you are with, how that makes you feel - proud, elated somehow. This is normal in my opionion. Just like we are proud of our children for winning a race, or getting an award. BUt it can be taken too far, the trophy wife thing, I think that is more about IMPRESSING others -than just taking pride in what a beautiful wife you have.
See how she responds to these outfits, open up the dialog, show her how much you are INTO her, can't resist her, she may just eat that up!
Thanks so much... you hit the nail on the head... thats exaclty where i stand today.... will this olve everything i dont know but i think this will really really help me get a lot closer to a solution.... and ur saying it hit you .. just like that one day... that u could look better.. u could have the attitide.. ur could have some flirty fun... and sex is def part of it.... i mean most couple donthave sex on weekdays but i am horny every day... tored but i can def get it up... now the next step is i come home and wifey has something sexy on... and not on purpose either.. is it too much to ask for this to become just part of regualr lifestyel n wardrobe... sexy shorts.. girly hairstyles.. beauty is not always in tons of makup but more of knowing how u r looking at all times.... hell yes.. i would bang the hell out of her.. every day... i have a very high sex drive but it only works for surprises... i need change... and right now i have a problem where i need a diff vagina at times but i have been able to control that... our sex is good.. but its not magical.. cos she is nowhere as wild as i could love... now how do i possibly inject that in her.... she gets very horny and would love sex more than i would but i m missing that lust in her eyes.... i ahve talked to her but its not just sex .. its eveything about her lifestyle... and i dontknow at what point it is wrong for me to want something thats just int there..... hope some of this makes sense.... i wish u could come over and give a brain makeover and the light buld u had at 40 goes off at 26....
Ladies - I need advise 
WOOOHOOO, and learned how to use some basics of make up, though still relying on my trusty color by number eyeshadows from Loreal HAHA
