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Old 09-15-2008, 10:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default looking at other women?

Do you get mad at your husband for commenting on another woman? or turning their head to look at one while you are talking?
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

I don't mind if my gf does it -- its fun to look. I have never been "caught" looking (or at least she has not let on) and gf is OK with me looking at porn, so I guess its ok.

Its naive to think that once in a while, a gorgeous specimen of either gender is not going to turn your partners head. Putting up a fuss just makes it more appealing.
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

i don't mind. sometimes we actually both notice the same woman. i kinda tease him about it if it's super obvious that he's looking but it's all in good fun!
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Old 09-15-2008, 03:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

i dont really mind. You can look but u cant touch
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Old 09-15-2008, 04:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

im afraid i never used to worry or bother, i really didnt . until hubby had the one night stand in april - i kinda got a little insecure - but thats normal . i hated him looking at n e one. but thankfully things are settling down alot. im kinda going back to being me again and not worrying so much.
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Old 09-15-2008, 04:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

Never had a problem with it...I have even pointed out hot girls to him and his buddies. Never had a problem with him looking at porn either or going to the strip club...maybe thats why he didnt do much of either because he was allowed...I dont know.
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Old 09-15-2008, 04:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

We both agreed that in the beginning of the relationship that we would not look at the opposite sex while we were spending time with each other. We have both been caught looking at it not a big deal as long you there is no staring or drooling involved. A quick glance is ok.
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Old 09-15-2008, 04:31 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

I get pissed. But we have a lot of other issues in our marriage. If i felt he was really attracted to me i dont think i would care.
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Old 09-15-2008, 04:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ljtseng View Post
I get pissed. But we have a lot of other issues in our marriage. If i felt he was really attracted to me i dont think i would care.
Let me ask you a question...How do you feel about yourself? Do you FEEL attractive?
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Old 09-15-2008, 05:04 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by stumped View Post
Let me ask you a question...How do you feel about yourself? Do you FEEL attractive?
lol... ya i know. it shouldn't matter what he thinks. but i read a report on Sexual Strategies from a quantitative perspective and in it the author's outline the reasons behind these sort of insecurities. After reading this I think my insecurity has nothing to do with superficial looks. My need to know he is attracted to me has to do with my evolutionary biological need for a man to stick around and support a family. So if my H has wandering eyes, and i do not feel he is attracted to me, what guarantee do i have that he will stick around and be the father to my children?

That is the real insecurity.
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Old 09-15-2008, 05:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ljtseng View Post
lol... ya i know. it shouldn't matter what he thinks. but i read a report on Sexual Strategies from a quantitative perspective and in it the author's outline the reasons behind these sort of insecurities. After reading this I think my insecurity has nothing to do with superficial looks. My need to know he is attracted to me has to do with my evolutionary biological need for a man to stick around and support a family. So if my H has wandering eyes, and i do not feel he is attracted to me, what guarantee do i have that he will stick around and be the father to my children?

That is the real insecurity.
Looking and being curious is natural. Its when it starts becoming something more than looking that its a problem.

Why do you thing he doesnt think you are attractive? I am assuming here...he doesnt give you compliments etc.?

Last edited by stumped; 09-16-2008 at 01:25 PM.
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Old 09-16-2008, 08:25 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

I can honestly saw I LOVE to look at women, I look at them all. My wife is completely used to it. I will comment on women as well, especially ones I know well, I always compliment them.

For instance... We had a party, and our neighbors came from down the street, His wife wore a miniskirt and Stockings, I said, " Whoa Alice, how does Larry let you outside of that house with those killer legs of yours?" She got a good laugh, you have to understand, I am 38, she is about 65, and we are good friends with them. They are good people.

See I am a visual creature and I love to look at women, apparently the fox news channel knows this, every one of them is pretty and wears a dress or a skirt. Complete eye candy.

BUT there is ALLOT more to a woman, and really for me the Personality is the key. I dated a woman back at the end of HS, and she was not very attractive, but I was friends with her and we just kind of grew together and had some fun. I was extremely popular in HS and when we started dating it was the talk of the town, and I have to say, her self confidence sky rocketed, we only dated a few months, because I was young and restless, but she had such confidence from that she went on to marry a very smart good looking man (we are still friends) I always told her if she displayed confidence in herself that she would be attractive to others, it works the same way for men, women like strong confident men.

So ladies, while your men may want to look at others, like myself, just means the like the view, doesn't they will go chasing every time. I been with my wife for almost 20 years, never once of leaving her for any of those girls that go strolling by.
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Old 09-16-2008, 05:53 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

A glance wouldn't bother me. There are a couple of things that bother me: 1) a lingering look i.e. obvious lust has set in 2) she's not as pretty as me. I mean if he's going to look, she better be pretty! I'll be insulted if she's not!
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Old 09-16-2008, 06:26 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GAsoccerman View Post
My wife is completely used to it. I will comment on women as well, especially ones I know well, I always compliment them.
I actually talked to a lady once who said her and her husband were completely open about who they were attracted to. After things calm down with me and my H i am going to try this approach too. I think its a very healthy way to be.
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Old 09-17-2008, 03:48 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking at other women?

Nice Q

First of let me say if women understands that men are visual creatures by nature then they wont be pissed about this issue

Men got bigger visual glands than women in their eyes! its how they are made. They zoom in/out FASTER. It explains why girls wont notice the secret scans a guy can do in a second lol and some wifes wont notice their husband looking around!

GAsoccerman, you are a visual creature ya and you love beautiful things regardless if they are women or not, but ofcourse you appreciat the human female body the most.

But, if my husband sits by me and keeps looking at other women, then I will know this:

1- Right now, He is NOT in the *Burning In Love Stage* with me and thats what I call the first stage when a couple are all lovey-dovey over each other < the first days of love> which people love the most ofcourse becuase they get blindly in love.this love ends quickly.

2- Right now, He might be in the *Comfortly In Love Stage* with me and thats what I call the love that comes after the hot days. this love is actually is best because its safe and couple will keep loving each other although they are aware of each other imperfect sides... this love CAN lasts forever with the proper means to keep it going stable. this is the stage that GAsoccerman is in! he appreciate women but still loves his wife.

3- Right now, He doesnt like me and I'm not attractive to him OR THERE IS ANOTHER GIRL that he likes more than he likes me. And ya, men can love more than one woman at same time. he can love you, and he can love his other secret lover... but ofcourse, one girl at a time will be his *FAVORITE*
sorry girls but it can be this ya and a GIRL can tell.. but if she keeps lying to herself.. and convincing herself that its OK lol well then..

so ya, for me, its FINE as long as he gets his eyes back to me and later we make passtionate love!!
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Last edited by Fine; 09-17-2008 at 03:58 AM. Reason: added a comment
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