I have been in your shoes and have felt and can agree with your concerns. I don't think you're overreacting, but I think the answer will differ according to people's personalities and their own experiences in life--which are not exactly like yours.
I would focus on YOU. On you being emotionally secure and happy. I'm not sure about trusting him completely, we're human, we make mistakes. I would trust in God. I would focus on bettering myself... going after a quiet peace in your heart that keeps you grounded... focused on smiling, laughing, looking at the positives, praying, having goals and dreams and Living YOUR life NOW... You go out and laugh with your girlfriends too. Work on not being co-dependent... not having to worry where he's at or what he's doing... not because he's trustworthy, but because you need your mental and emotional health to be the best woman you can be. And being tied up in changing someone else is an obstacle.
People need to be FREE. Free to be who they want to be. It's the only way they'll change. You share your feelings and what you think once... and then let him decide as he wishes because only he can decide what he wants. And you don't want to be the cause of any resentfulness on his part. No matter what you say, he will still go... no one likes to be told what to do or not to do, etc. But sharing your feelings is fine... ONCE. If you keep on talking about it, you resort to nagging... which is annoying and pushes him away.
But you also need boundaries. You should know what you would do if you ever find out he cheats on you, etc. Maintain your self-respect... you have options of 'separating, if not divorcing', working things out through counseling, there are groups, etc. You are a strong woman, who will live her life, better herself, speak what you think once, accept him as he is... BUT cheating is not okay, ever. And you shouldn't have to act as if nothing happened... you also need healing... you either forgive, work through it, separate, divorce... but do something that maintains your self-respect. It's okay to forgive... it's also okay to 'separate' when needed.
Secure Woman... who loves, laughs, and lives. You can only choose for yourself and change yourself... for the rest, you can only speak up once respectfully, and pray and let them be who they want to be... but don't be a doormat when hurt... be strong and take your time to heal.
I have been in your shoes and have felt and can agree with your concerns. I don't think you're overreacting, but I think the answer will differ according to people's personalities and their own experiences in life--which are not exactly like yours.
I would focus on YOU. On you being emotionally secure and happy. I'm not sure about trusting him completely, we're human, we make mistakes. I would trust in God. I would focus on bettering myself... going after a quiet peace in your heart that keeps you grounded... focused on smiling, laughing, looking at the positives, praying, having goals and dreams and Living YOUR life NOW... You go out and laugh with your girlfriends too. Work on not being co-dependent... not having to worry where he's at or what he's doing... not because he's trustworthy, but because you need your mental and emotional health to be the best woman you can be. And being tied up in changing someone else is an obstacle.
People need to be FREE. Free to be who they want to be. It's the only way they'll change. You share your feelings and what you think once... and then let him decide as he wishes because only he can decide what he wants. And you don't want to be the cause of any resentfulness on his part. No matter what you say, he will still go... no one likes to be told what to do or not to do, etc. But sharing your feelings is fine... ONCE. If you keep on talking about it, you resort to nagging... which is annoying and pushes him away.
But you also need boundaries. You should know what you would do if you ever find out he cheats on you, etc. Maintain your self-respect... you have options of 'separating, if not divorcing', working things out through counseling, there are groups, etc. You are a strong woman, who will live her life, better herself, speak what you think once, accept him as he is... BUT cheating is not okay, ever. And you shouldn't have to act as if nothing happened... you also need healing... you either forgive, work through it, separate, divorce... but do something that maintains your self-respect. It's okay to forgive... it's also okay to 'separate' when needed.
Secure Woman... who loves, laughs, and lives. You can only choose for yourself and change yourself... for the rest, you can only speak up once respectfully, and pray and let them be who they want to be... but don't be a doormat when hurt... be strong and take your time to heal.
So what happens if he wants to go on a weekend golf trip out of town with his buddies? Is that not allowed either? What happens if he has to go on a business trip with 4 co-workers? After over a quarter century of marriage, you should know the guy by now.
Sorry guys, don't you know? No friends, no bars, no night out, no flirting, no place where you can go without your wife... From the very first day you decide to get married, you're handcuffed. Remember the wedding ring you exchange, it's the smallest handcuff in the world! No freedom! No objection!
Accept it!
No wife is negotiatable, including myself.
My husband will NEVER request a guy night out unless they come to sleep in my house.
He won't go to a bar to drink without asking for my permission. Most of times, he brings me.
So be a good handcuffed husband then your wife has no problem to trust you.
My little advice for you to say to your husband:
Non negotiable. And sorry, hell no, I don't trust you.
I'm sorry but you can invite your friends to sleep at our house.
We can have a good time together. Posted via Mobile Device
So what happens if he wants to go on a weekend golf trip out of town with his buddies? Is that not allowed either? What happens if he has to go on a business trip with 4 co-workers? After over a quarter century of marriage, you should know the guy by now.
Go swimming instead.
Quit the job and find a better work that EVERYDAY stay close with family.
If a man truely loves you, he won't make you feel insecure. Family should be the priority. Posted via Mobile Device
To ddrh,
Women found true happiness from their true men who give them true love.
Without feeling deeply loved and treasured by our husbands. Life is pointless, lifeless and meaningless. Posted via Mobile Device
It sounds as if you've found true love with a true man which gives you true happiness.
I'm curious to know how this was accomplished: was it you just married the right perfect guy for you--who meets your needs perfectly? Did you help make the marriage 'happy'? How long have you been married? Can a 'somewhat unhappy' wife do anything to gain happiness in her marriage other than finding a true man? Please share the wealth! Oh, and by the way, do you have kids?
I will probably be in the minority among guys on this but I don't think that you are over-reacting. It just feels "odd" to me. But do you know what I really have a problem with? What grown man has/attends a sleepover? I mean, this is a sleepover and I just find it weird.
I will probably be in the minority among guys on this but I don't think that you are over-reacting. It just feels "odd" to me. But do you know what I really have a problem with? What grown man has/attends a sleepover? I mean, this is a sleepover and I just find it weird.
All context. I've had these very get-togethers when long time friends who are now spread all over the country get together.
We converge on someone's house, have some beers, shoot the breeze, reminisce until early dawn, crash for a few hours, say our good-byes and go back to being husbands, dads, captains of industry or slackers. There's no drug binges, no wh0ring, no tattoos, or criminal activity associated with the gathering.
Sorry, no man can make a woman feel secure and happy. That has to come from within.
You both deserve and need some time apart. It's healthy. Best thing you can do is solicit a pact from your man that states, for example "no strip clubs."
It sounds as if you've found true love with a true man which gives you true happiness.
I'm curious to know how this was accomplished: was it you just married the right perfect guy for you--who meets your needs perfectly? Did you help make the marriage 'happy'? How long have you been married? Can a 'somewhat unhappy' wife do anything to gain happiness in her marriage other than finding a true man? Please share the wealth! Oh, and by the way, do you have kids?
Hi dd,
I do agree with your many spiritual views in life. I do agree wives must be happy.
I would agree with you totally if you meant being happy with a good husband, not without.
Like I said, women find true happiness from their true men.
Without true love from the husband, wives can't be happy.
However, husbands weren't born to know how to love their wives truely and deeply. It depends on what kind of wives they married.
God gives women mysterous power to control men. There's a joke said, Why God created women? Because God can't control men so He created women to control them.
A very lousy husband can become a great husband. A chicken husband can become a hero, but a perfect husband can also become a total ass, it really depends on how the wife shape her man.
For example: If the wife everyday treats her husband like a loser! He would become a Loser! If the wife treats the husband like a king, she will become his slave....Something like that. It really depends on the women.
Understand you have that mysterous power to make your husband marry you, bascially, there's nothing he can't do for you as long as it's reasonable and as long as that makes you happy.
Use your power correctly. Men love to see their women happy. They're willing to please their beloved women. It's their nature.
I wouldn't say I have a perfect husband. But something stupid like "guys night out", it has never happened in my marriage.
So why it happened in your marriage? Because you let it happen!
My husband also has a group of friends since childhood, they're like brothers.
It never happens in my marriage because he knows the family comes first, and the wife is the most important person in his life. He can lose the whole world, friends, whatever, but he can't afford losing me as well as I can't, either. This is the mutually loving agreement that both of you must have.
So, when he misses his friends, he always brings me with him because he's proud of me. I never make him lose face or poke him in front of his friends.
We have been more than 8 years together and we would hate to separate from each other for 1 night.
He would NEVER ask for "guys night out", simply, he prefers to stay with family and with me. My husband is the best husband that I can ever marry to.
My husband has business party (formal) once a month, after the party, most husbands would go to bar together to get some drink and enjoy the social life.
My husband joined them in the bar for a while because they invited him (had my permission), but some months later, he prefers coming home earlier to see his wife, me. By himself, he gave up his social life.
You will say, because my husband is a great man when I met him. Not really.
When I met him, his lifestyle was, work, drink, night clubs, chicks. The only place after work to find him is in a bar, a disco, a nightclub. He was drunk often.
So it really depends on the wife. A playboy can be faithful too. By the wife, not by magic.
All context. I've had these very get-togethers when long time friends who are now spread all over the country get together.
We converge on someone's house, have some beers, shoot the breeze, reminisce until early dawn, crash for a few hours, say our good-byes and go back to being husbands, dads, captains of industry or slackers. There's no drug binges, no wh0ring, no tattoos, or criminal activity associated with the gathering.
I hear you, Deejo. I will concede my point if you call it a "sleepover". Ha!
Re: guys night out-overreacting? 
and let them be who they want to be... but don't be a doormat when hurt... be strong and take your time to heal.
