Moving on - do or do not
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Old 03-27-2011, 10:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Moving on - do or do not

I would like to get some advice about how I should act to show my ex that I am serious about moving on but without burning any possibility for trying to get back together down the line. We have been common-law married for two years and we are still in a shared living situation. It has been over 1.5 months since we broke up but we have not made it final, I was still hoping for a turn around. We really have a special connection but right now I don't feel that he respects or appreciates me and I basically get treated like a door mat.

I went on a date with another man last night. It was casual and I was discreet. I am serious about wanting to move on but I think the fire will burn for my ex for a longggg time yet. But I am forcing my brain to win out on my heart this time.

My question is, will dating other men and letting my ex know about it show him that I am moving on and encourage him to act quick to fight for our relationship or will it just drive him away? My intent here is not to play games and I will try to do what is best for me but I would also like to end our relationship without too much bitterness and with some possibility for a future down the road. How should I proceed?
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Old 03-27-2011, 11:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on - do or do not

Dating to make your spouse jealous so he will be motivated to work on the relationship IS playing a dangerous game. It may work for some, but its still a game IMO.

If you want to move on - do so, and wait for at least a few months to adjust to your new life before starting to date. I think its best to make a clean break before dating. Mixing two relationships gets complicated and presents too much opportunity for someone to get too emotional and act irrational - hence - a dangerous game.
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Old 03-28-2011, 11:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on - do or do not

This behavior is manipulative and immature.

Be upfront and honest about how you feel. Also, make a real decision about whether you are truely finished with this relationship and stick with that decision. You are on the fence, making it impossible to either move on or work on the relationship problems.
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Old 03-28-2011, 12:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on - do or do not

Agree with both posters above.

When you move on, you do it for yourself, not to make him jealous and to motivate him to want to be with you cause he sees you're attractive to someone else.

If you truly want to move on, do it. Sever all contact with him and let him know you are done. Mean it.
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Old 03-28-2011, 01:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on - do or do not

Thank you. You are all right. Like I said, I don't want to play games with him and I guess that is how it would seem because I am still not 100% ready to leave for good. I have behaved so stupidly throughout this entire relationship. Immature is right. I care so much about him and I have invested a lot into this relationship. My fear has caused me to act dramatically without thinking it through. But all this has done is drag on the hard times. I am unable to move on and we are unable to fix our problems. I want to blame him for everything, he has done a lot of inconsiderate and irresponsible things, but I am realizing more and more that I am to blame for a good chunk of our failures. Even if our relationship never succeeds, I will have learned a lot about myself and my own weaknesses. Thank you for your honest advice.
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