Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?
To carry this discussion a little further, I actually did a "7 Day Sex Challenge" once (if you will)--this was about 5 years ago--and what I found out about myself was invaluable. The idea of the challenge was to take one week and no matter what, have sex every day at least once. As I mentioned in my post, I'm about a 5 days a week gal. I am usually about half way turned on and just need a little encouragement to finish the other half and be deeply "in the mood." I generally am most in the mood at night, but occasionally mornings hit me or a great afternoon kiss gets the motor running.
But taking this challenge I discovered that almost every day I had thoughts in my mind about reasons why "I couldn't have sex today." It was like this: I made a commitment to have sex every day for seven days, and day 1 I felt like I was fighting off a cold, day 2 I was just finishing laundry and still "working" late at night, day 3 I was tired....etc. You get the drift. Nonetheless, even though I started off with those thought in my head of "all the reasons I couldn't have sex that day" I followed through to see if I could and what it wold be like and whatnot. What I learned is that rather than allowing my head to think: "It's okay--you're tired but loving, touching, squeezing will make you feel happy" I had fallen into the habit of only thinking about "why not"!
I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but once I discovered that pattern in my own head, I realized I just had to change the dialogue in my head to myself. So I still pretty much think "I'm tired" but I've worked at talking back to myself and saying "Yeah, I am but sex is close and relaxing and enjoyable. Do it!" and then I do and enjoy it deeply!
I think this survey is fairly representative of the actual desire of women. I think "average" women would be coolish with 3-5 times a week or more, and "average" men might be a bit higher but similarish. But what I think happens is that if and a high drive male or female is married to a low drive spouse, they come here to talk about it. If an "average" man or woman marries another "average" drive spouse, they have nothing to complain about and thus we don't hear from them! They are out there!
I also think that when women answer a survey like this, they may tend to think: "Oh sure if everything was perfect how often does my body want and enjoy sex?" without realistically realizing that 90% of life IS NOT PERFECT! So if you only want sex "when everything's perfect" that's part of the problem. How often do you want sex if you're tired, he's sick from a cold, and the kids won't go to sleep?