Women - what's your sex drive like? - Page 13 - Talk About Marriage
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View Poll Results: Women, what is your normal desire for sex?
Daily or more? 22 18.49%
5-6 times a week? 15 12.61%
3-5 times a week? 47 39.50%
1-2 times a week? 26 21.85%
1 time every two weeks? 2 1.68%
1 time every 3 weeks? 2 1.68%
1 time a month? 2 1.68%
Less than 1 time a month? 1 0.84%
Never want sex? 2 1.68%
Voters: 119. You may not vote on this poll

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post #181 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 10:42 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

I'm a high drive female who is with another high drive female, finally! All of my past failed relationships were due to differences in sex drive, so I feel like I finally got it right this time.

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post #182 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 10:55 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

Quote:
Originally Posted by heartsbeating View Post
He's a volunteer firefighter.


I've already suggested they make a calendar.
Well until they do, you can share mine. enjoy

https://www.firefighterscalendar.com.../qld-calendar/
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post #183 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 11:20 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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Well until they do, you can share mine. enjoy

https://www.firefighterscalendar.com.../qld-calendar/
Purrrrfect.

...And the reason why they didn't go for the idea!


Hubs told me when they were finishing a task (in turnout gear), a little girl about 6 shyly went up to him and said 'Thank you for everything you do and for keeping us safe..' He said it was one of the most heartwarming moments he's experienced. That's sweet... my hormones had the urge to bonk him silly.

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post #184 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 11:42 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

I will add though, it's a lot of commitment and discipline. And when the 'bat signal' goes off, I do have a momentary intake of breath, wondering what he's going to. I've learned, and still learning, how best to support him and what that looks like. What I admire is that he set his mind to doing this and the personal growth he's experiencing as a result is immense. He has also included me as much as possible and that is something I have appreciated. And that time we were heading out for a dinner date and the bat signal went off... he looked to me and I asked him to skip that one. He respected my request. Granted he still checked what the scenario was and then focused back on our evening.

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #185 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 01:37 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

I'm 55yo and I am about a 5 days a week gal. I can go daily for a while and then a day or two off is nice. With Dear Hubby's illness it's been very limited and maybe 1-2 per week with adaptations... so for me that's been frustrating and I miss it! But I have hope because no matter how sick he got, he always still had desire in his heart even if his body had troubles.

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post #186 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 07:08 AM
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Cool Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

I, for one, am absolutely astounded by these poll results!

Let's just say that if I'm ever to say "I do" again to a third Ms. Arb, I'm going to take the results of this poll, plop them down in front of her, kindly smile at her, and then tell her, "Sweetheart, I don't really know how you feel about the performance of loving marital sex, but guess what ~ if you're going to be my wife, and if for some reason you don't really like doing it, then you're about to find yourself undertaking a brand new hobby!

If not, then I can be miserable all by myself!"

Long story short ~ she too, is going to have to overwhelmingly convince me, against all doubts that, she too, is a preeminent HD!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 01-12-2017 at 08:13 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #187 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 08:31 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
]I, for one, am absolutely astounded by these poll results!
Right there with you Arb, definitely doesn't match up with my experience, experience of others I know, or some of the stuff I have read.

Would be interesting as well to hear how much the desire matches up with reality. For example, I would classify my W as responsive desire. So on one hand she could say that she would desire sex 3+ days a week (the caveat being this would fall almost 100% on me to initiate). On the other hand she has no issues going a month or more without. So she likes the idea of it (and enjoys it very much when it happens) but the drive to make it happens doesn't quite match up.
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post #188 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 08:59 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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I, for one, am absolutely astounded by these poll results!
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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Right there with you Arb, definitely doesn't match up with my experience, experience of others I know, or some of the stuff I have read.
Well, for balance, I for one am astounded by the TAM insistence that women don't like sex. All the women in my sphere are quite interested and quite sexual, and when they say they desire sex 3x or more per week, I believe them instead of doubting them.

Just because someone "could" say something doesn't mean they will, particularly if it's a lie.
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post #189 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 09:02 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
Well, for balance, I for one am astounded by the TAM insistence that women don't like sex. All the women in my sphere are quite interested and quite sexual, and when they say they desire sex 3x or more per week, I believe them instead of doubting them.

Just because someone "could" say something doesn't mean they will, particularly if it's a lie.
It is interesting the varying opinions based on experiences. I will say, my opinion to some extent has changed bases on some of the postings here by the ladies, even if it doesn't match personal experiences.

Then again, TAM would suck if we all agreed on everything
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post #190 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 09:47 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

I have no doubt this 2 year old poll reflects the opinion of the respondents, why lie?

Also have no doubt it is not representative of the general population of women, actually check that - the general population of women married for more than a year or two .

I bet there are very few men on this site with a very low sex drive, the same could be expected to be true of women. Does not mean there are not a lot of both in the world...

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post #191 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 10:46 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

There is a big selection effect here that LD people are unlikely to go to a site and get into discussions about sex. It isn't important to them. I think the people answering the poll are telling the truth, but they may not be a representative sample of the population in general.

Also, talking about sex is different from actually having sex. I that at least for my wife, the idea of sex sometime in the future is great, just never at any particular actual time in the present. If she were to talk with friends I expect that they would get the impression that we have a great sex life.




Quote:
Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
Well, for balance, I for one am astounded by the TAM insistence that women don't like sex. All the women in my sphere are quite interested and quite sexual, and when they say they desire sex 3x or more per week, I believe them instead of doubting them.

Just because someone "could" say something doesn't mean they will, particularly if it's a lie.
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post #192 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:41 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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There is a big selection effect here that LD people are unlikely to go to a site and get into discussions about sex. It isn't important to them. I think the people answering the poll are telling the truth, but they may not be a representative sample of the population in general.

Also, talking about sex is different from actually having sex. I that at least for my wife, the idea of sex sometime in the future is great, just never at any particular actual time in the present. If she were to talk with friends I expect that they would get the impression that we have a great sex life.
Yes, talking is different from doing it. But research actually shows that women downplay their sexuality, while men up-play it. Women are much more likely to report fewer sexual partners than they've actually had, lower frequencies than they actually engage in, as well as fewer kinks. And so on. You get the idea.

So, I'm sorry for you that your wife doesn't particularly like sex. And I'm sorry that TAM seems to be a big draw for men in this same boat. But I'm still not buying the TAM belief that women in general don't like sex.
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post #193 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:44 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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It is interesting the varying opinions based on experiences. I will say, my opinion to some extent has changed bases on some of the postings here by the ladies, even if it doesn't match personal experiences.

Then again, TAM would suck if we all agreed on everything
Yes, one thing I've learned from reading at this site is that demographics are a huge thing. I often feel like an alien from another planet or a fish out of water here. Very different world than the one I'm used to.
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post #194 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:52 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

I agree that women in general do enjoy sex, as do men. No idea of the relative numbers.

My only point was that its not easy to know from surveys and the like due to selection bias.

In some sense the numbers really don't matter. No one is married to the "average" man or woman, they are married to a specific man or woman, and only that persons interests matter.


Quote:
Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
Yes, talking is different from doing it. But research actually shows that women downplay their sexuality, while men up-play it. Women are much more likely to report fewer sexual partners than they've actually had, lower frequencies than they actually engage in, as well as fewer kinks. And so on. You get the idea.

So, I'm sorry for you that your wife doesn't particularly like sex. And I'm sorry that TAM seems to be a big draw for men in this same boat. But I'm still not buying the TAM belief that women in general don't like sex.
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post #195 of 206 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 01:43 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

To carry this discussion a little further, I actually did a "7 Day Sex Challenge" once (if you will)--this was about 5 years ago--and what I found out about myself was invaluable. The idea of the challenge was to take one week and no matter what, have sex every day at least once. As I mentioned in my post, I'm about a 5 days a week gal. I am usually about half way turned on and just need a little encouragement to finish the other half and be deeply "in the mood." I generally am most in the mood at night, but occasionally mornings hit me or a great afternoon kiss gets the motor running.

But taking this challenge I discovered that almost every day I had thoughts in my mind about reasons why "I couldn't have sex today." It was like this: I made a commitment to have sex every day for seven days, and day 1 I felt like I was fighting off a cold, day 2 I was just finishing laundry and still "working" late at night, day 3 I was tired....etc. You get the drift. Nonetheless, even though I started off with those thought in my head of "all the reasons I couldn't have sex that day" I followed through to see if I could and what it wold be like and whatnot. What I learned is that rather than allowing my head to think: "It's okay--you're tired but loving, touching, squeezing will make you feel happy" I had fallen into the habit of only thinking about "why not"!

I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but once I discovered that pattern in my own head, I realized I just had to change the dialogue in my head to myself. So I still pretty much think "I'm tired" but I've worked at talking back to myself and saying "Yeah, I am but sex is close and relaxing and enjoyable. Do it!" and then I do and enjoy it deeply!

I think this survey is fairly representative of the actual desire of women. I think "average" women would be coolish with 3-5 times a week or more, and "average" men might be a bit higher but similarish. But what I think happens is that if and a high drive male or female is married to a low drive spouse, they come here to talk about it. If an "average" man or woman marries another "average" drive spouse, they have nothing to complain about and thus we don't hear from them! They are out there!

I also think that when women answer a survey like this, they may tend to think: "Oh sure if everything was perfect how often does my body want and enjoy sex?" without realistically realizing that 90% of life IS NOT PERFECT! So if you only want sex "when everything's perfect" that's part of the problem. How often do you want sex if you're tired, he's sick from a cold, and the kids won't go to sleep?

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