Women - what's your sex drive like? - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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View Poll Results: Women, what is your normal desire for sex?
Daily or more? 22 17.05%
5-6 times a week? 16 12.40%
3-5 times a week? 52 40.31%
1-2 times a week? 28 21.71%
1 time every two weeks? 2 1.55%
1 time every 3 weeks? 3 2.33%
1 time a month? 2 1.55%
Less than 1 time a month? 1 0.78%
Never want sex? 3 2.33%
Voters: 129. You may not vote on this poll

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post #106 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-08-2014, 11:40 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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firebelly1


we are a daily plus couple. During the week the morning round is very quick and even though i don't usually have an o, i like to send him off to work with a smile, makes me happy.

Evening rounds are usually longish, i don't have any idea of the time but it is an all in event. Sometimes mr h will want to go again during the night and they are not long, not short sessions, hard to tell really.

so...is this the "routine" now? You both just expect that you will be having sex every night? And how and what time does it start? Do you both go to bed at the same time?

it is pretty much a given that we will have sex every night. If we have any of the kids at home then it will be when we are in bed for the night and yes we 99.9% of the time go to bed at the same time.
If it is an evening when no kids around then we will often have sex before dinner, get up and cook together while sharing a bottle of wine. We may then go again when we are in bed later.


on the weekends if no kids around we can have super long sessions that start with a full body massage for me.

and how does this start and when? Do one of you "plan" it as a weekend activity? Do you discuss ahead of time when you will fit this in to your other weekend activities?

depends on what is on that weekend. If we are having a home day it will just happen, we are not usually the types to plan sex. However sometime mr h will plan it especially if it is something like a session on the rug in front of the fire place. Or we will have a relaxing bath together, chat and then go to bed.
We very rarely discuss it before hand but if we are having one of our many general discussions about sex it invariably leads to us having sex lol


the quality of our sex is usually on the upper end of the scale but even if it is a quicky it is still great

so you orgasm most of the time? How long does it take you to cum generally? I O mainly from oral so unless it is a quicky then I O nearly every time. But we have an understanding that it is ok if I don't. I enjoy sex for other reasons not just having an orgasm, neither of us is under pressure to perform and occasionally either will say "you go ahead but i'm not going to finish".

Like anything in life if there is a will, there is a way. We simply make the time. There is time for everything else in life, sex should not be any exception because imho there is not much else that is as important both from a physical and emotional pov.
hth

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post #107 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-08-2014, 11:44 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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For the women who primarily don't initiate sex but who would like it more often, do you think your husbands know you'd like to more often?

The reason I ask? I usually initiate and she's generally ready and willing. Could be a quickie, could be slow and sweet, or it could be role play, or even rough on occasion. I assume she's happy with what we do since there are no complaints. But we're only 1-2 times a week because that's about all I'm amped up for.
Do you talk about sex? One thing we do is check in with each other about our sex life and talk about where we are at and where we want to go with it. Both of us have come from past sexless marriages and we have made it a priority to communicate and to not assume anything.

Bless his heart but Mr H and I are going to sit down over the holidays and make a 12 month plan for the next year, many topics including our sex life and what we want out of it over the next 12 months. Love that man, he has even started a power point presentation for our planning sessions.
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post #108 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-09-2014, 01:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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Actually, that's very nearly the reaction my wife has to a steamy sex scene in a movie, minus the out-loud exclamation. It was so obvious my grown children even remarked on how uncomfortable mom was with even mainstream depictions of sexuality in cinema.

It's also her reaction to anything other than plain vanilla sex - you ask her what she thinks about oral sex, giving or receiving, and the answer is that it makes her sick to her stomach to consider it.

So they exist. Outside of your experience, perhaps, but not mine.
When the kids are not around... we keep a tally of how many butt and boob shots each of us gets. He counts the females.. I count the guys.... it makes for some fun to see who wins for the day
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post #109 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-09-2014, 09:56 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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hth
That DOES help - and interesting that you all talk about sex a lot and plan for it. That is just really awesome I think. And makes sense when you both came from sexless marriages. I made a power point for my husband once. He didn't appreciate it.

A couple more questions though - are you and Mr. H introverts or extroverts? I'm an introvert so I need time to myself. I think that's one of the aspects of me not thinking I'm an everyday girl, but I'm curious.

And when do you talk about things besides sex - the logistics of life? I often think that couples either bore each other with the everyday business of running a family or have constant conflict over it, both of which can kill sexual desire. So how do daily logistics fit into your discussions / sex life?

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post #110 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-09-2014, 11:14 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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Originally Posted by Thundarr View Post
For the women who primarily don't initiate sex but who would like it more often, do you think your husbands know you'd like to more often?

The reason I ask? I usually initiate and she's generally ready and willing. Could be a quickie, could be slow and sweet, or it could be role play, or even rough on occasion. I assume she's happy with what we do since there are no complaints. But we're only 1-2 times a week because that's about all I'm amped up for.
when things are going ok, it is about 50/50. but since things haven't been going ok for long time, I do initiate less, but it doesn't mean I do not think about sex a lot

"There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one. - Kazuo Ishiguro
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post #111 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-10-2014, 06:39 AM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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"Normal" was maybe the wrong word to use in that sentence. I meant average.

The women in my family say sex is disgusting and gross. Sometimes when watching a movie or a tv series with my mother, if there happens to be a sex related scene in it she will often say "yuck! that disgusting" and turn her head away.

I think this is probably a pretty common attitude to sex among women(that its disgusting), or atleast more common than that it's "good".
I grew up going to church (well not always).. enjoyed youth group & all.. some things get beat into your head.. I was always in conflict here....couldn't deny I LOVED a steamy R rated sex scene, it ALWAYS turned me on, I'd never look away.... but I used to complain to my BF (now husband ) why can't they have newlyweds going at it...da** it !... Like it was always infidelity or premarital sex -which I felt was wrong. Also reading steamy Romance novels .. I loved them too ~ women's porn, felt guilty about reading - but it didn't stop me.

So anyway.. that was my experience.. Deep down, I feel I was always a very sexual woman...just wrapped a little too tight to "let it loose" for too many years...because of the conflicting messages in my mind...the whole Good girl/ Bad girl thing...

Some things I am still trying to work out in my head.. I shouldn't get turned on when I see Infidelity in a movie (after all this is WRONG, hurtful!)..... it's the passion , it's the heat of the moment....I shouldn't like Porn (only soft romantic stuff) ... when you think about it.. it's pure casual sex.. which I frown upon ...I think it's best to wait for Love, emotional attachment before engaging, or it would leave me empty..

Just something about naked bodies, Passion, the Erotic.. I love it ! God's greatest gift to us.
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post #112 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-10-2014, 03:47 PM
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Active desire versus receptive desire....for mysel, my desire is always active and comes from within myself. However I can tune it in ir tune it out as I want or need to (keeping a lid on it when I have to and letting my freak flag fly when I can).

So in the absence of a partner I am still horny all the time whether I want to be or not.

Now add the presence of a worthy lover to my every day routine and I become receptively desirous on top of actively. I can feel the difference between the two quite clearly. My own active desire makes me want to hunt and my receptive desire makes me want to be hunted.
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post #113 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-10-2014, 04:08 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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Originally Posted by firebelly1 View Post
And when do you talk about things besides sex - the logistics of life? I often think that couples either bore each other with the everyday business of running a family or have constant conflict over it, both of which can kill sexual desire. So how do daily logistics fit into your discussions / sex life?
I know you weren't asking me, but my husband and I will discuss sex and life in general daily. Sex talks are just intertwined in normal conversation. None of it gets in the way of sex or dampens the desire. I mean, we tend to talk about diaper blow outs, throw up, random gross things, toddler temper tantrums, chores, and so on, but it has never turned us off. If either of us are talking about something kind of boring and it's going on too long(work stories or my mom stories), we tend to playfully touch to cut the story short. It just works that way for us, but it took a while for us to get here.
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post #114 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-10-2014, 04:27 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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Originally Posted by firebelly1 View Post
That DOES help - and interesting that you all talk about sex a lot and plan for it. That is just really awesome I think. And makes sense when you both came from sexless marriages. I made a power point for my husband once. He didn't appreciate it.

A couple more questions though - are you and Mr. H introverts or extroverts? I'm an introvert so I need time to myself. I think that's one of the aspects of me not thinking I'm an everyday girl, but I'm curious.

I'm not 100% sure where we would be on the scale but we are both very similar in that we are extrovert but also need alone time. We give each other the space to have alone time.

And when do you talk about things besides sex - the logistics of life? I often think that couples either bore each other with the everyday business of running a family or have constant conflict over it, both of which can kill sexual desire. So how do daily logistics fit into your discussions / sex life?
We talk about life, sex, children, politics, life goals, what happened during our day etc at any time. Being a blended family we have all sorts of stuff to deal with on a daily basis. We spend a lot of time together doing things and chatting. Most evenings we will either chat while cooking dinner or sit outside with a wine after dinner and chat about all sort of topics.
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post #115 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-10-2014, 04:29 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

I'm jealous of women who's husbands talk to them. Reason #327 why I'm no longer married to the last one.


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post #116 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-10-2014, 05:03 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

FB my ex was not a communicator and it put a huge strain on daily life.

Mr H and I just happen to have really busy lives with lots going on and lots of future plans so there is always something to talk about. Sometimes we will watch a movie or TV series and then have a discussion about the movie afterwards, this usually leads on to applying themes we saw in the movie to real life and discussing different scenarios and concepts from the movie. I love it that we can do this because in my past life if we watched a movie there would be no discussion afterwards, maybe a "that was a good movie" and that was it.
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post #117 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-11-2014, 03:11 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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FB my ex was not a communicator and it put a huge strain on daily life.

Mr H and I just happen to have really busy lives with lots going on and lots of future plans so there is always something to talk about. Sometimes we will watch a movie or TV series and then have a discussion about the movie afterwards, this usually leads on to applying themes we saw in the movie to real life and discussing different scenarios and concepts from the movie. I love it that we can do this because in my past life if we watched a movie there would be no discussion afterwards, maybe a "that was a good movie" and that was it.
My X wouldn't even make it through the whole movie if he agreed to watch with me in the first place, which didn't happen very often so discussing a movie...fairy tale. Sounds like you've found someone who is really compatible with you. That's so great. Crossing my fingers for myself to find the same thing.

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post #118 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-11-2014, 05:15 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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Mr H and I just happen to have really busy lives with lots going on and lots of future plans so there is always something to talk about. Sometimes we will watch a movie or TV series and then have a discussion about the movie afterwards, this usually leads on to applying themes we saw in the movie to real life and discussing different scenarios and concepts from the movie. I love it that we can do this because in my past life if we watched a movie there would be no discussion afterwards, maybe a "that was a good movie" and that was it.
I hardly even watch tv unless he is with me.. these things mean a great deal to me personally.....I so enjoy the relaxed cuddling, his fingers through my hair...getting drawn into a good drama, suspense, romance, old classic...even a documentary...been watching lots of "Forensic files" lately... we'll bounce things off of each other during the commercials too..

We try to watch more of the comedies with the kids around us. Many times I get so relaxed during these movies, I fall asleep on him..(he falls asleep too though)...

We watched this one the other night, literally he seen it twice already ...I was like "WHAT??".. I told him I don't remember it at all...here I guess I fell asleep on him twice during that same movie !@# He just watched it again with me.. I finally made it to the end !
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post #119 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-12-2014, 03:49 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

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For the women who primarily don't initiate sex but who would like it more often, do you think your husbands know you'd like to more often?

The reason I ask? I usually initiate and she's generally ready and willing. Could be a quickie, could be slow and sweet, or it could be role play, or even rough on occasion. I assume she's happy with what we do since there are no complaints. But we're only 1-2 times a week because that's about all I'm amped up for.
I don't initiate any more because I know my husband doesn't want it. In fact I never even touch him or hug him any more in case this is misconstrued as me wanting sex.

As for the poll, I've always been HD but, now in my mid fifies, I know 3 - 5 times a week would be enough for me. Sadly, we have no sex life and last had (unsatisfying) sex at the beginning of September. That was after a gap of 6 weeks and another gap of 6 weeks before that. I've given up totally on our sex life.
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post #120 of 213 (permalink) Old 12-12-2014, 04:17 PM
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Re: Women - what's your sex drive like?

Just turned 34, my preference is every other day. I can go without for about 4 days, but I will start going a little stir crazy.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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