My resentment
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Old 04-06-2011, 10:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My resentment

Actually, I'm not totally sure what my resentment is - I'm not sure if I resent the fact that because I am a woman and have breasts and a vagina it has meant that it automatically makes me food, meat to be drooled over...OR...if I resent the fact that men are able to walk free of being objectified in the same way.

I've spent most of my life hiding behind clothes that covered my breasts, clothes that weren't too tight so as to not show my femaleness - to try and lessen the effect of being oggled at. It's kind of worked but not as much as I would have liked.

There have been times when I would have loved nothing more than to just throw on a singlet/t-shirt and shorts, no bra no knickers and just go about being in the world without worrying about being someones momentary sexual fantasy. Men can do that.

There have also been times when I've just wanted to wear somethng that made me feel like a woman....feminine, soft and sexy (to myself) and not end up feeling like I'm on display.

Over the years, I have been thrust against walls, thrown down on beds, cornered, had my breasts, arse and groin groped by men I don't know and sometimes men I do know. Why? For no other reason than I have breasts and a vagina - there for the taking.

I was brought up knowing that my body was much more than a sexual vessel....it's my body...a thing of beauty, something to be cared for and respected. I was brought up to believe my sexuality is sacred - something to be shared intimately with another person of my choosing.

But that's not the world we live in is it? We live in a world where females are sexually objectified from a very early age and it doesn't matter how careful parents are to instill a belief of self worth and self love in their daughters - the minute they walk out the door the rules change.

It really IS a man's world.
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Old 04-07-2011, 08:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

The saddest thing about this post is that there will be some reading it and thinking - and considering replying - and stumbling over what to say, like me - but the truth is that (I think) you have expressed it well and you are right full stop
However we must all bear some of the responsibility for allowing this sexual objectification to have grown the way it has: we've not complained about TV programmes, bought into certain brands, joined in the laughter about Ms Anderson's slo-mo orange swimsuit, etc etc
To whatever extent, we have the world we've all created
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Old 04-07-2011, 11:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

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However we must all bear some of the responsibility for allowing this sexual objectification to have grown the way it has: we've not complained about TV programmes, bought into certain brands, joined in the laughter about Ms Anderson's slo-mo orange swimsuit, etc etc
To whatever extent, we have the world we've all created
We do have to take responsibility, each and every one of us....I totally agree! For many years I didn't do anything to stand up for something I have always felt so strongly about...and yes, I even bought into it.

Geeze Louise, 8 years ago I worked at a web design company designing web pages for porn companies - what the hell was I thinking!!! The truth is....I wasn't thinking - the job earned me good money...which made it easier to put aside my principles.

However....I'm an advocate of "once you know better - you do better". So a lot more thought goes in to what I support and what I allow in to my life these days. I may not change the world with my one little voice...but I have changed my world to the extent that I can go to sleep at night knowing that I have made a small difference in the bigger picture - which is better than not making a difference at all.

I can accept the knowledge that women will always be sexually objectified - I don't like it at all, but it appears that through no fault of his own man is what man is. Add to that, the hoards of misguided woman who believe that equality comes through the power-of-the-p*ssy and self-objectify to feel empowered....and I can see no end in sight for me ever having the freedom I would so dearly love.

That's life I guess.
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Old 04-07-2011, 11:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

I've never felt this way. I've done everything I've ever wanted even in this "mans world". Nobody has ever groped me unless I wanted them too. I've never felt sexually objectified and I'm an attractive woman.

Personally I think your career choice has put you in these situations which are not normal.

No offense just my observations.
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Old 04-07-2011, 11:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

The objectification starts at younger and younger ages. I mean seriously, who the hell thought it would be a good idea to market g-strings for 12 year olds, or miniskirts, or shorty shorts.

I am a male, I enjoy the female form. Yes, I admit that I am a guy who likes to watch a girl walk away. I am a visual creature. But the girl who wears skin tight jeans, tight low cut t-shirt and a pushup bra under silicon enhanced boobs is wanting to be looked at.

I have been in the city, having a coffee, sitting and watching the world go by, appreciating pretty girls and marvelling at the wacky styles of some. I watch people interact, often play a game with my wife of "What's their story?" More and more often these days, the "****ty" dress styles are being paraded around by girls who aren't old enough to be legal, I am talking full face war-paint (make-up) and the teeniest scraps of clothes. I am quite often mortified by what I see, and it is mainly the fault of the parents for allowing them to come out dressed like that and a large portion of blame to idiotic fashionista's!

I am not saying that all women want that "construction worker" type over the top "appreciation" nor am I saying that men are all decent and respectful. We simply love to window shop, just as you girls like to look at the shoes in the shop window(sic). I also know that "ladies" can be just as over the top and worse than the construction workers (remembering back to my construction worker days and working in bars part time, the Hen's nights always got further out of control than the Bachelor parties!)

I have also had major arguments with my sister over this very same issue. We must face this world with it's reality in mind, and be prepared for it. A girl dressed as a "****" will garner plenty of male attention, not all of it appreciated, but that is the by product of her choice of clothes. Similarly, a man should never have to fight, but bet your ass her son is in martial arts classes to learn how to defend himself.

The world is not equal, and therefore cannot be considered fair when trying to look at it through eyes that want equality. It is the diversity between us and the preparedness that we have to face that diversity that makes life interesting.

You don't want to be ogled, dress down, you may still be stunningly beautiful, but you will attract less attention. Sweat pants and a sloppy joe may well have you looking dowdy, but it will send sparks thru some man's heart regardless, so in reality it is a win-win- no-win situation, it is all in your own perspective. How you see yourself is the most important thing, but remember, the rest of the world exists as well and we all live in it.

Imagine old mate cave man, "wish I could go outta the cave to take a dump without the sabre tooth cat trying to eat me!!!!! but hell I better take the spear just in case!"
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Old 04-07-2011, 11:33 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

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But that's not the world we live in is it?
I wonder if it is geographical. I have not been touched or openly oogled by a man in years upon years. Certainly no one has EVER pawed at me.

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We live in a world where females are sexually objectified from a very early age and it doesn't matter how careful parents are to instill a belief of self worth and self love in their daughters - the minute they walk out the door the rules change.
The right rules should not have been to hide your femininity but to cultivate an f you and the horse you rode in on toward those low class men who lack refinement, taste and any character whatsoever. Not all, not even most men are like that. The rednecks and dork boys are.
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Old 04-07-2011, 11:41 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

I am kind of a redneck dork...... but I am not the groper type. so where does that leave me?
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Old 04-07-2011, 12:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

I love women. If I were a woman I'd be the biggest lipstick lesbian fem top out there. I would hit on/flirt with them all - young old thin heavy blond brunette redhead bald.
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Old 04-07-2011, 12:34 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

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I am kind of a redneck dork...... but I am not the groper type. so where does that leave me?
Woa apologies to all rednecks and dorks. There is a SUBSET of these people who are also aholes. I did not mean to slam necks and dorks.
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Old 04-07-2011, 01:20 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

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Actually, I'm not totally sure what my resentment is -
That right there, is what I unfortunately find to often be the case.

And it may not be that she doesn't know what it is, she just might. What becomes the important part of the equation is that she doesn't know how, or want to work through, and let go of it.

And that ... incurs a cost. One that effects her, and those she enters a relationship with.

I find it sad. For everyone involved. Even the rednecks and dorks.
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Old 04-07-2011, 03:12 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

My advice would be to do something about it. Work and support groups that fight against the very thing you are talking about. This very well is a man's world but only because women allow it. We can't forget that mothers help hold their daughters down while a man cuts off her clitoris to make her ready for marriage or that mothers agree to sell their daughters to the slave trade in order to purchase cows for their farm or even that mothers tell their daughters they are fat and should diet.

I did feel like you at one time. My poetry in my teens was almost wholly based upon my frustration of being viewed as a pair of t!ts & a$$. This idea that the depth of men began and ended with their eyes and d!ck disturbed me. I got involved with poetry readings and kept spewing this anti-man stuff. Then I started to get involved in org's that fought against the abuse and objectification of women.

Fast forward to today and I'm still involved on some level or another. Still stay aware of all the horrible atrocities done to women based solely on their sex. I recognize it's a slippery slope because men do feel wrongly accused of being labeled as bad simply because of their gender as well. I've found that just as there are good and bad women out there, there are good and bad men. It's unfair to believe that all men are disgusting, cruel and groping rapists. It's not the case. Yes, they enjoy the female form but this doesn't mean they are incapable of loving a woman for more than her form. In fact, I believe most men are capable of this.

Don't allow others to define you. Define yourself and enjoy your physical form, express yourself. I actually love clothes & accessories. I don't care if others find them sexy/dowdy or not, I like expressing who and what I am/feel through fashion. It's like the chance for walking art. Some will like what I look like while others will think I'm a red neck dork (haha). Give yourself the gift of being yourself and you will feel less resentful and instead will feel empowered.
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Old 04-07-2011, 03:50 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

When I was a raging feminist, I was so angry that men enjoyed certain freedoms that women do not.
Yes, being objectified is awful and scary at times. Yet I love to have men appreciating my figure and my smile. Everybody likes to admire and be admired. I have accepted that men are visual. Unwanted touching is abusive, but you truly cannot control where someone looks.
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Old 04-07-2011, 04:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I don't care if others find them sexy/dowdy or not, I like expressing who and what I am/feel through fashion. It's like the chance for walking art. Some will like what I look like while others will think I'm a red neck dork (haha).
JEEZ ... I liked the dress! I liked it!

I've always had a 'thing' about violence, and specifically sexual violence against women or children. I don't like it, and I don't have much use for those who perpetrate it. I do believe that the scope of that issue can be difficult for some to get their head around unless they have looked into some very dark corners of the human experience where upstanding folk just don't look ... and can't possibly know how bad it is or how deep it runs.

I write occasionally. I have done research on war crimes, serial killers, and predators.

That said, there comes a point where we have to accept some self-evident truths about our sexuality. Specifically ... we are sexual. I very much appreciate the female form. There are few things that can hold a man's rapt attention more steadfastly. But ... that certainly doesn't mean that I feel compelled or entitled to paw at or grope at a woman.

I hope you work through your stuff, surfergirl ... sincerely.
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Old 04-07-2011, 05:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

It's very disheartening at times to try building a life with someone who simply won't buy it.

It corrodes the very soul of the achiever within you.

It's because of the things that were done in the past by some other person - but you are the one who stands in the line of fire/doubt.

What does this mean? What does that mean? AHA - let's throw out the 98-99% of the life we have together and focus on the moment of weakness and conclude that's the REAL person I'm with - due to a faint echo from the past.

Not sure how you "really" get past that.

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JEEZ ... I liked the dress! I liked it!

I've always had a 'thing' about violence, and specifically sexual violence against women or children. I don't like it, and I don't have much use for those who perpetrate it. I do believe that the scope of that issue can be difficult for some to get their head around unless they have looked into some very dark corners of the human experience where upstanding folk just don't look ... and can't possibly know how bad it is or how deep it runs.

I write occasionally. I have done research on war crimes, serial killers, and predators.

That said, there comes a point where we have to accept some self-evident truths about our sexuality. Specifically ... we are sexual. I very much appreciate the female form. There are few things that can hold a man's rapt attention more steadfastly. But ... that certainly doesn't mean that I feel compelled or entitled to paw at or grope at a woman.

I hope you work through your stuff, surfergirl ... sincerely.
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Old 04-07-2011, 05:15 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My resentment

I don't mean to be insensitive, but men have been objectifying women since the beginning of time and it will never ever change. I think the best women can do is not tolerate b.s and learn to defend themselves, yes even with lethal force if necessary.
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