MarriedWife, I need my nieces and my dad. The others can go jump in a lake.
I'm not worried about the wedding. I just wish we could have had a real one. I would have liked to have had that experience.
Of course weddings don't make the marriage, but they do symbolize the beginning. I feel robbed and cheated of what I see all the other wives around me getting.
I have Mr.G, which is nice. I just feel deprived of a normal rite of passage. My father is disappointed that he didn't get to walk me down the aisle. Posted via Mobile Device
MarriedWife, I need my nieces and my dad. The others can go jump in a lake.
I'm not worried about the wedding. I just wish we could have had a real one. I would have liked to have had that experience.
Of course weddings don't make the marriage, but they do symbolize the beginning. I feel robbed and cheated of what I see all the other wives around me getting.
I have Mr.G, which is nice. I just feel deprived of a normal rite of passage. My father is disappointed that he didn't get to walk me down the aisle. Posted via Mobile Device
I totally understand your need for your father and nieces.
But, if they won't go up against your mother and see you on their own, what can you do at this point?
I wouldn't feel robbed or cheated. You got the best part - Mr. G - put it in the past and have your 5-year wedding as he has promised.
Don't let this ruin an otherwise happy time in your life, weddings aren't always what they're cracked up to be.
Now about your Mom - you know what they say - you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family.
My mother in law is throwing a one year anniversary party for us. We hardly see his family because they live far away.
Since we have a good relationship and I am touched by her generosity, we will be visiting for a week in October. It will be so much fun! Posted via Mobile Device
Mrs. G, my wish for you is to be able to have the wedding one day you would like. I bet it will happen!
I also think its important to bury the hatchet with your mother, of course if you want to though. although I'm not sure of what that issue might be, but I can completely understand if its a controlling nature on her part. My mother can be like that, and I have learned to just take her with a grain of salt a times. However, your issues with her may go deeper than what I know, but I think its good you stand your ground, and try to not let her get to you.
I am sure your father and your sisters miss you even more.
Is it possible that you and your mother let go of the past?
Being severed by family will hurt you forever. Better do something than nothing!
No sisters, Green.
My mother is still angry about the wedding. She forbids my brothers and my dad from communicating with me. I refuse to apologize, because I did nothing wrong.
Who wants to listen to how fat they are all the time or be humiliated in front of her husband? I don't deserve that.
I have given her numerous chances to treat me with respect. She insists on angry tirades and insults, as well as pushing her way into our marriage. Let's not forget the racist comments about whites, right to my husband's face!
None of my father's family like her at all.
She's too toxic, Greenpearl. Mr.G can't stand her and quite frankly, neither can I.
I will invite her to the party my Ma is throwing for us, but only because my father would not attend on his own.
Your mother sounds like a very bitter and unforgiving woman.
No mother holds hatred against her own daughter for such a long time. No mother wants her own child to suffer in life. I don't understand this type of people. But this society has weird people, I guess I am not surprised.
Insulting the man her daughter loves is stupid, forbidding your father and brothers from talking to you is barbarian.
I feel that you have a huge battle to fight! Emotional fight! You need to be strong. It is great that you get a lot of support from your husband's family. Well, you lose something, you get something!
I don't get much emotional support from my family either. My parents are my responsibility rather than my support. My mother is a loving mother, but she can't hear now, I can't talk to her. My father is a very selfish man, he only thinks about himself. When I talk to him, it is very business like. I talk to one of my sisters, once a month! It is always me who is making the call. And I have another sister and two brothers, no contact with them! Sometimes I feel so alone, but I am getting used to it. It is a good thing that I have such a wonderful husband, it eases my lonely feeling! You have ONE too! I have learned to accept that this is life, life has something great for us, life also has a lot of disappointing things for us. After I accepted this is my reality, I became much more cheerful! Now I focus on people who love me! My mother-in-law and father-in-law are very good to me too. I talk to my mother-in-law every week, and email her every week. They love me!
I am sorry to hear you didn't have the wedding you had hoped for.
What you have to do is focus on the fact that you did marry the man you love, that the wedding has already happened and is gone and done, that you cannot change the past, and just work on focusing our energy on other things, on the future.
If your relationship is strained with your family members, try to reach out to them and have a heart-to-heart and tell them how you feel and that you miss them.
Five yrs does go by quickly and who knows...you guys could have your big wedding then. Or you could even treat yourselves to a fun vacation before then.
I am sure your relatives are not happy about being on some kind of speaking ban from you as well. Reach out the olive branch, have a heart to heart with them as well as your mother and I am sure things will improve in the family regard.
I also did not have the wedding of my dreams, to say the least, because of finances! But we are planning to have an anniversary dinner on our first anniversary with our family in an amazing new restaurant we found in Fayetteville. I think taking small regular trips in your home state, maybe once or twice a month is a good way to feel like you are experiencing specialness with your husband and family.
She's angry about the wedding because she didn't have any control over it, no doubt a pattern in her and your entire relationship.
As for your anniversary party in October, book a church in that area now and get remarried!!!! Flowers can be purchased very cheaply if you contact local growers. They are wholesalers but I doubt any of them would turn you down if you told them why you needed them. They are 1/3 the cost of a florist as there is no middleman. Gather your closest friends who more than likely will be at that party and have them be your bridesmaids. Those dresses will literally cost half during the off season in October and your bridesmaids buy them. You already have the party going for you so I assume free food and booze, that's half the battle!
This is one heck of an opportunity Mrs. G, take it. You have plenty of time to plan and you can do it the way you want. You already have the gorgeous dress. :-)
The most gorgeous wedding I have ever been to was my former co-worker. She was 23, an underpaid Receptionist and it cost under $1k. 200 people for under $1k. The invitations were "imperfect" discarded stock Cranes paper she found on Ebay. $8. She typed out the original invitation and copied them at Kinkos on to her Cranes paper. The end of the invite said "since XXXX and I feel fireworks every time we see each other, please bring some to our wedding". She folded the invitations in such a way that no envelope was needed and she sealed each with red wax. Very old school and VERY elegant. The reception was at the church hall (your reception will be at your in-laws), the food was brought by all (yours will be provided for by your in-laws), the dress was one she bought at a thrift store and she customized it (you already have one), the flowers were from a grower and supplemented by peonies from her MIL's back yard, the cake was standard sheet cake from Kroger that I stacked (with dowel supports) 4 layers on top of each other and adorned with white peach tipped rose heads and edible gold dust. The booze was really what cost her the most. You already have that. (free) They had a live band. She contacted the local high school and asked if there was anybody there who wanted to up their street cred by playing an actual paying gig. $50 bucks but it included free food and booze if they snuck it discretely. She had a 5 person band who played everything from Kid Rock to Miles Davis. The end of the evening was topped off with fireworks, fireworks we had all brought. She had contacted the local firehouse as it was illegal to set them off in that area unless you are licensed to do so. 4 firefighters showed up in dress blues and a shiny red fire truck adorned with ivy, peonies and battery operated white lights all over to set them off. 200 people averaging 5 fireworks a person netted 30 minutes of a show I will never forget.
Mrs. G, you can have your dream wedding for under $400. You already have so much. This is totally within your reach. Do it!!!!
P.S. I had a $30k wedding, black tie affair, country club reception. A bunch of a-holes who showed up for the open bar, free food and to "network". B!tching relatives and don't even get me started on my parents. I would trade it all in in a freaking second to have the wedding my friend/former co-worker had. Friends and family who all came together to make it amazing and breathtaking.
I am sure your relatives are not happy about being on some kind of speaking ban from you as well. Reach out the olive branch, have a heart to heart with them as well as your mother and I am sure things will improve in the family regard.
I also did not have the wedding of my dreams, to say the least, because of finances! But we are planning to have an anniversary dinner on our first anniversary with our family in an amazing new restaurant we found in Fayetteville. I think taking small regular trips in your home state, maybe once or twice a month is a good way to feel like you are experiencing specialness with your husband and family.
Hope you have a great time! Eat some steak for me! LOL
Ava, you are assuming that my mother is a normal, rational person. She can only be nice for about two weeks and only if people do what she wants at all times. I don't miss her because she is evil.
I cannot change the dysfunctional dynamics in my family. I am the only one who is brave enough to challenge her bullying and abuse. Even my dad is desperately unhappy, but too afraid to leave. I forgive him for not protecting me, because he was victimized too.
While I would enjoy a second wedding, my husband is not on board with that idea. Oh well. I had an awful prom and I said to myself, "Well, maybe I'll have a great wedding!" Ha, no such luck.
I DID get an amazing hubby, lovely pictures and a beautiful ring set. It could have been much worse!
We do take getaways, babe. *grin* Great minds, huh? In fact, we are spending the night in a SWANK hotel for my birthday and the four year anniversary of the day we met. Posted via Mobile Device
Mrs. G, I really like reading your posts. You've had a very different family dynamic than what I have had, but I like how you seem to have overcome that. I agree with Brennan - have you ever considered just planning/having a wedding of your dreams regardless of who would be invited? Why isn't your husband on board for something like that? You could invite family - they can come or not, but you could at least have part of the experience that you want.
I don't know why - maybe it's the stress of planning and having a wedding, but it can sometimes make people who are mild-mannered, well-behaved, and typically loving turn into tyrants (thinking mothers here )
I have been married more than 20 years now, and even though my wedding was everything I would have wanted, I realize now looking back, that the significance of some of the things I thought then that were important details, really weren't. After all, I've got my husband and my kids and my dogs and that's what's important.
I settled for a small cheap elopement, because we had no money for a real wedding. My parents were offering pay, on the condition that my mother plan everything. I did not like the idea of having a huge wedding I didn't want, so I couldn't accept that offer.
We wanted a small affair of between 30-80 people. My extended family, along with my immediate family, constantly needled us because it was too small. We were expected to have 170 guests with a bridal party of four on each side. My mother even wanted to choose who would be in my wedding. Of all the f***ing nerve!
In any case, all we could afford was a ceremony outside, with four guests. It was beautiful, but it wasn't enough. We had already been engaged for two years and we just wanted to get married.
My family no longer speaks to me because my mother told them that they could not.
Mother can burn in hell, but I miss my dad and my nieces.
I also feel robbed of the experience of a real wedding. Every time I see a bride coming out of a church with her bridesmaids, I weep. I never had a bridal shower or a bachelorette party either. We just couldn't afford it.
All I want is to get over my sadness. My husband feels guilty and he promises that we will have a large 5th anniversary party. Who says we'll even make it to that?? A lot can happen in five years and I refuse to believe in happily ever after. Life is not a fairy tale and marriage is hard.
Any suggestions? No belittling posts, please. Posted via Mobile Device
A wedding is one day of your life, your marriage is your whole life afterwords. There is far to much cultural obsession with weddings. Its just a ceremony, the real work starts afterwords.
A wedding is one day of your life, your marriage is your whole life afterwords. There is far to much cultural obsession with weddings. Its just a ceremony, the real work starts afterwords.
Yes, a long term happy marriage is much more important than a showing one day! Can't even compare! With that much of money, I have the down payment for an apartment!
Re: How to get over wedding? Want to move on. 
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