I settled for a small cheap elopement, because we had no money for a real wedding. My parents were offering pay, on the condition that my mother plan everything. I did not like the idea of having a huge wedding I didn't want, so I couldn't accept that offer.
We wanted a small affair of between 30-80 people. My extended family, along with my immediate family, constantly needled us because it was too small. We were expected to have 170 guests with a bridal party of four on each side. My mother even wanted to choose who would be in my wedding. Of all the f***ing nerve!
In any case, all we could afford was a ceremony outside, with four guests. It was beautiful, but it wasn't enough. We had already been engaged for two years and we just wanted to get married.
My family no longer speaks to me because my mother told them that they could not.
Mother can burn in hell, but I miss my dad and my nieces.
I also feel robbed of the experience of a real wedding. Every time I see a bride coming out of a church with her bridesmaids, I weep. I never had a bridal shower or a bachelorette party either. We just couldn't afford it.
All I want is to get over my sadness. My husband feels guilty and he promises that we will have a large 5th anniversary party. Who says we'll even make it to that?? A lot can happen in five years and I refuse to believe in happily ever after. Life is not a fairy tale and marriage is hard.
Any suggestions? No belittling posts, please. Posted via Mobile Device
I am sorry to hear you didn't have the wedding you had hoped for.
What you have to do is focus on the fact that you did marry the man you love, that the wedding has already happened and is gone and done, that you cannot change the past, and just work on focusing our energy on other things, on the future.
If your relationship is strained with your family members, try to reach out to them and have a heart-to-heart and tell them how you feel and that you miss them.
Five yrs does go by quickly and who knows...you guys could have your big wedding then. Or you could even treat yourselves to a fun vacation before then.
Have you worked on your issues regarding your mom? She sounds like a real piece of work and I can't tell from your post if you have really dealt with her role in your life (you still sound bitter). The whole tone of your posts really suggests that anger at her is what is underlying your inability to get past the wedding issue. This is just an observation by a total stranger, so chuck it if you disagree. But try not to take out your anger at your mom on your dear hubby!
Sisters, you may be on to something. I only chuck advice if it is given in a disrespectful manner.
I agree that I am bitter; don't understand why she insists on being so difficult. I don't want to end up 40 years old and still pissed off.
It's not my husband's fault that my parents are childish and controlling. He does what he can for us.
When we discuss this, I make sure not to blame him for not being able to give me a wedding, like other husband's I know. I just tell him how I feel. Posted via Mobile Device
I know it must be incredibly difficult to regret things about your wedding and to be separated from your family--but what if you had a giant wedding that your mother had planned in its entirety? You might still have the regrets and the feeling that you were robbed of the experience if you didn't have a say in any of the proceedings. I know it's not really much comfort to think it could have been worse, because a wedding shouldn't have to be a choice between two undesirable options. But sometimes it can be good to think of the benefits of having a small wedding. After all, you got to plan it, you didn't waste tons of money or get into huge debt, and you still got to wear a beautiful white dress!
I'm torn about whether or not I want a big wedding--I used to really want it, but after seeing the huge costs, I'm leaning more towards eloping. I don't have that kind of cash and I wouldn't want to put my family through it either. All in all, if you stood by your wishes and your husband, then I think you did the right thing. I don't think a wedding ceremony should be the reason for a family to not speak to each other--I bet some of your other family members also feel that way. Maybe you could try talking to them like others have suggested?
I had the "dream wedding". It turned out to be a nightmare complete with my dress nearly catching on fire walking up the aisle. Apparently there were signs everywhere that day.
Offering a gift of paying and then saying she has all the say so is not a gift, it is control and manipulation. You did the right thing by not accepting it. You did it on your terms. I understand it didn't turn out how you wanted it to. Your husband is right though, you two can plan a wonderful wedding at the 5 year mark or 10 year mark. I know you say that alot can happen in that time period and that happily ever after doesn't exist. I get that. Also know, if you didn't think it was possible for long term happiness, you wouldn't have married him in the first place.
FWIW, 4 people outside in a beautiful ceremony beats the hell out of 170 people who came for the full bar and 20 bickering relatives, two of which were my bitterly divorced parents. Wanna trade?
I eloped and had two guests/witnesses. Yes I had a cheesy vegas wedding. LOL!! Not a big fan of huge family drama's and that's what I would have had to had I gone that route. I have no regrets though. Only thing I wanted was pictures which I got by coming home and dressing up again for the photographer.
Big weddings cost a lot of money, and they are only for show. The brides are usually extremely tired because of the planning, and the grooms are usually tired too and frustrated.
They get to show off for one day, but can you imagine how much money it costs, I remember it averages $20,000 or $30,000. Do other people remember how gorgeous they were on that day, NO! Of course the bride and groom will remember that day, beautiful dress, beautiful flowers,.....................and this is a good wedding I am talking about. A lot of them will remember the frustration and tiredness they went through!
I have talked to friends who had big weddings, all of them said they would wish to have a small wedding.
One of them spent $30,000, I don't see them to be happier now. Quite the opposite!
My husband and I just went to the court and got married. We didn't elope, we just planned this way. The pictures your saw on my facebook were pictures taken from the day we got married. We went to the court house on his then shabby scooter, a front piece was missing.
Two of us went to a steakhouse for a nice meal ($30 each), we went to a motel for a night($200), we went to a mountain for seven days, that's our honey week. We were extremely happy. No stress, no frustration, no financial burden!
Future happiness is in your hands, if you work towards it, and you determine to get it, YOU WILL!
Money is important, but money is not the answer to happiness!
I had the "dream wedding". It turned out to be a nightmare complete with my dress nearly catching on fire walking up the aisle. Apparently there were signs everywhere that day.
This made me
At least you could see the humor in it
I had a pretty wedding. We are divorced now. ::sniff:
Ironically, I never thought I'd even get married or have that kind of wedding. I always thought I'd do something crazy and low-key like a drive-thru in Vegas. Don't laugh.
Why don't you and your husband plan to re-marry or marry again, in other words, have a ceremony that you feel better represents who the two of you are?
I think small weddings are the best. You don't have to worry about guests, receptions, food, dresses, blah blah.
Instead you get to focus on why you, the bride and groom, are there and to whom you are pledging your lives to. You get to *feel* precisely why you are there. Your focus doesn't get taken away by tension or organizing considerations.
I always thought that big weddings are meant more for the guests rather than the actual couple. The guests have an opportunity for gossip, food and entertainment, all at someone else's expense. (sorry if that offends anyone)
If you feel your marriage may not even last 5 years, why are you so adamant on getting a 'dream wedding' for something you aren't even sure of?
Turnera, nobody ever gets married thinking that they will divorce. It happens all the time, though. Nothing is ever certain, not even marriage. The point I made is that "happily ever after" doesn't exist. A lot can happen in five years and I am realistic enough to know that sometimes feelings, goals and personalities can be different.
Of course, I hope it lasts until I'm dead. I don't know what the future will bring and neither does any other married couple. Posted via Mobile Device
Lots of people have had the fancy weddings and a lot of them are now divorced.
A wedding does not make the marriage - people do.
I had one marriage with a wedding and another in a courthouse.
Guess which one is still going after 27 years together?
And as far as your mother - controlling and manipulative at best. How can she control the entire family not talking to you - does she have them all locked up? They are grown-ups, if they want to see you and talk to you - they can. If they are allowing fear and intimation to rule their lives, then perhaps you don't need that type of negativity in yours.
Turnera, nobody ever gets married thinking that they will divorce. It happens all the time, though. Nothing is ever certain, not even marriage. The point I made is that "happily ever after" doesn't exist. A lot can happen in five years and I am realistic enough to know that sometimes feelings, goals and personalities can be different.
Of course, I hope it lasts until I'm dead. I don't know what the future will bring and neither does any other married couple. Posted via Mobile Device
And that is precisely the reason why I fought so hard in another thread about women staying independent and relying on themselves and not someone else.
Because happily ever after is just that - a fairytale.
You can never "truly" judge the feelings of others - only your own. They only show you what "they" want you to see.
They can tell you they "love you" and then turn around and stab you in the back with the other hand...unfortunately it happens each and every day to someone.
How to get over wedding? Want to move on. 
