I think my husband is leaving me...
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Old 04-25-2011, 06:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I think my husband is leaving me...

Me and my husband have been together for 9 years...married for 6 months. We have a 4 year old son, who is both of our hearts. A little over a month ago, I started playing an online game, and with online gaming you have to talk with people. After about a week or so of playing my husband got upset because he thought I was "talking" to other guys, when I was only having general conversation with them...where you from, is it raining where you are..etc. I gave up playing the game completely. He also was mad because I had a co-worker on my facebook page...mind you I added him and his fiance' who is pretty cool. Well about a week later he added an old girl "friend" on his page. Now, for the last week he has been saying things like "I don't know about us" "I am a different person now, I don't care about what you do anymore" etc. He is going to be leaving with this girl today and he swears they are just friends, but I suspect more. He says that he don't want to "save our marriage", etc. just painful things. I haven't ate for a week...I have tried but I keep puking cause I get so upset. I can't sleep. And this girl is constantly calling the house and he is always chatting with her on facebook etc. I understand that I probably should not have been playing the online game, but I did not in any way talk to guys like that at all...I love my husband too much to do that to him. I feel that he is going to leave me...I am in so much pain....what is you alls advice on how to save my marriage? I have taken the game back and deactivated my facebook completely. I would do any extreme to have my husband back...any advice?
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

We are usually a very loving (hugging, kissing, etc) and he has not touched me in a week...hasn't even slept in the bed. It is just not like him. Everytime I try to talk to him he gets mad and tells me to leave him alone. The girl he is leaving with is supposedly because he needs "time". I am just lost, upset, worried, every emotion that you can think of all at once. I just want my marriage back to normal. It has never been like this. I love him dearly and I don't know what to do. I can't stop him from going with her. I have already begged him not to go, but it just makes him angry. I don't know what to do.
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

Was your sex life good or did the "online game" get in the way of sex?


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We are usually a very loving (hugging, kissing, etc) and he has not touched me in a week...hasn't even slept in the bed. It is just not like him. Everytime I try to talk to him he gets mad and tells me to leave him alone. The girl he is leaving with is supposedly because he needs "time". I am just lost, upset, worried, every emotion that you can think of all at once. I just want my marriage back to normal. It has never been like this. I love him dearly and I don't know what to do. I can't stop him from going with her. I have already begged him not to go, but it just makes him angry. I don't know what to do.
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

Sounds like he's in an affair with that chick.

Where are they leaving to? How do you know he is going with her?

Does she have a boyfriend or husband? If she does, TELL HIM.
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

Tell him if he goes that he is being a coward and you will not take him back. Once he leaves it's for good.

If you are worried about losing him, well if he was going with her instead of being with you , then you all ready have.
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Was your sex life good or did the "online game" get in the way of sex?
Our sex life was good. I guess that was part of the "fight" was that he wanted me to go to bed and I was on the game. I understand that I should have been in bed, but I don't know how to show him how sorry I am for not being there.
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Old 04-25-2011, 08:00 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

The behaviour you mention is similar to that of my husband who started his affair online - it could be that your husband started up the relationship to get back at you (sounds like he was insecure to me) and it has taken a turn maybe even he didn't expect. In a loving, secure relationship, playing an online game shouldn't be a problem really as long as it didn't take over all of your time and you still showed him affection. I would, personally, let him go as if you fight to keep him he will be carrying a torch for the other person and feel resentment every time there is an issue between you. The decision has to be his or he will not buy into it. All the advice I have read is that the more you try and keep someone, the more they pull away from you. Ultimately, I wouldn't want to be with someone who had chosen someone else over me, however briefly, as I would always feel insecure with them and be feeling I had to behave to keep them with me.

Last edited by hippygirl39; 04-25-2011 at 08:04 PM. Reason: Additional text
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Old 04-26-2011, 03:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Our sex life was good. I guess that was part of the "fight" was that he wanted me to go to bed and I was on the game. I understand that I should have been in bed, but I don't know how to show him how sorry I am for not being there.
Playing an online game is a pretty crappy reason to leave a spouse for. I hope you realize this-- he can not possibly use that type of excuse for leaving you (if that is what he is planning on doing).

If he needs space and time, realize that he's an adult and he will make the decision if he wants to stay with you or not. If he decides to leave, then that's on him-- don't waste your time on a guy who apparently does not realize how much his wife cares for him.
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Old 04-26-2011, 04:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

Sounds like to me he was planning on leaving u anyway and the "online game playing" was the only thing he could think of....im sorry but normal people don't end a relationship over playing an online game...my hubby plays some "knights of templar" crap on facebook where he does talk to other women from time to time but i dont leave him....it sounds like ur hubby is involved in an affair and he is just trying to make it sound like u did something wrong so he wont look like a peice of **** for cheating...sorry if this is offensive but it kind of upsets me that u are so down on urself and he is making u feel like the bad guy when anyone with a mind can see whats going on....my advice....forget him because it doesnt sound to me like he loves u very much....u can do better hun...
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Old 04-26-2011, 04:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Sounds like to me he was planning on leaving u anyway and the "online game playing" was the only thing he could think of...
This rings true---or he is being emotionally abusive. No normal person decides in a month to toss a 9 year relationship when someone they supposedly love starts a new hobby.

Check some online sources about "emotional abuse" and see if it seems to describe a lot of your relationship. If not, then I think the default is, he wanted to leave and this was just the excuse/opportunity he needed.

If you do not want him to leave, ask him to attend marriage counseling with you. That shows a real commitment to making things better. But he needs to hear, too, that his response has been totally inappropriate--overkill, really, which is why I wonder if he is an emotional abuser. Let us know how it goes.
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Old 04-27-2011, 07:28 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

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Originally Posted by zaliblue View Post
Sounds like to me he was planning on leaving u anyway and the "online game playing" was the only thing he could think of....im sorry but normal people don't end a relationship over playing an online game...my hubby plays some "knights of templar" crap on facebook where he does talk to other women from time to time but i dont leave him....it sounds like ur hubby is involved in an affair and he is just trying to make it sound like u did something wrong so he wont look like a peice of **** for cheating...sorry if this is offensive but it kind of upsets me that u are so down on urself and he is making u feel like the bad guy when anyone with a mind can see whats going on....my advice....forget him because it doesnt sound to me like he loves u very much....u can do better hun...
^This!!!
Don't believe for a second that this old "friend" just popped up in the picture the minute you started the online game. He just made it known to you around this time. Nobody goes off the deep end like this with the little things you did without already doing dirt themselves. If he isn't willing to work on the marriage, then take the power away from him and preemptively seek a divorce. Don't you dare be a doormat as he has an affair right in front of your face.
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Old 04-27-2011, 07:33 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

I think he was gaslighting you. I think he was already talking to her but just made it more public because you were supposedly doing something wrong. But, you weren't. As long as you are open and transparent, there shouldn't be a problem with insecurity. Typical wayward behavior, blame shifting and deflecting instead of owning up.
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Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
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Old 04-27-2011, 08:41 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

Yeah using a videogame as a reason for wanting to end a 9 yr relationship is silly.

But as you will learn, ALL cheaters who want out of a marriage have to find an "excuse" to justify their leaving. For some reason they cannot and will not just own the fact that they are cheating and/or want out of the marriage. It's weird.
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Old 04-27-2011, 10:22 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think my husband is leaving me...

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Originally Posted by zaliblue View Post
Sounds like to me he was planning on leaving u anyway and the "online game playing" was the only thing he could think of....im sorry but normal people don't end a relationship over playing an online game...my hubby plays some "knights of templar" crap on facebook where he does talk to other women from time to time but i dont leave him....it sounds like ur hubby is involved in an affair and he is just trying to make it sound like u did something wrong so he wont look like a peice of **** for cheating...sorry if this is offensive but it kind of upsets me that u are so down on urself and he is making u feel like the bad guy when anyone with a mind can see whats going on....my advice....forget him because it doesnt sound to me like he loves u very much....u can do better hun...
That is what I was thinking. Normally playing an online game shouldn't be an issue. Unless the person becomes so involved in the game that it comes before the marriage. But that doesn't sound like the case here, you stopped the game when it became an issue, so that shows you were more committed to your husband than your game or online friends. I think he is just looking for an excuse to blame his current behavior on you.
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