Mental rape? Because he used the c-word? Oh, c'mon. . .the melodrama of it all.
Sticks and stones?
It's just a word. . .I happen to think there is a time and place for all words. . .yes, even the n-word.
I remember once reading in an essay but a well-known essayist in my profession and he remarked, "Chiropractors are the "n's" of healthcare."
Now. . .there was much leading up to that statement, he didn't just drop the "n" word right off the get-go for shock value. But his choice to draw upon that word for needed reform in our profession and yes, a correct political characterization of our place in political healthcare was a potent statement. He was drawing a point - without the pharmaceutical prescription pad, that is the way we are regarded by policy makers.
Now, I am sure your husband (and myself) didn't use it quite so eloquently as this essayist. But we reach a point of frustration often with your behavior and we run out of ways to express ourselves.
I was clean out at that point. She had no legal basis, no moral basis, and no logical basis for her position of not allowing her children to see her father.
Her behavior was c-like and I was going to be the only one who was going to point it out. Not her father, not her friends, not a Priest, Rabbi, or Minister.
I got my point across. I didn't mentally rape her.
This is actually a typical male-female type of communication. Women tend to natter and pick away at you in an abusive manner physically and mentally. You slapped him. You probably picked at him and demeaned him.
Do this as experiment. . .go up to an old dog and keep whipping a sock into his face and see what happens. You'll get away with it for a few times, maybe no response.
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And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
BTW, this isn't just me ruminating. . .I was listening to an NPR panelist who specialized in domestic violence and while there are cases of apes of men who just victimize their wives for no reason, there are also a significant percentage of men who are victimized verbally and physically and then lash out.
This is why often you see women not wanting to press charges after the cops are called. They feel guilty because they wacked the man over the head with a rolling pin and then the man used disproportionate force and bopped her one.
Take this down to the verbal level.
This doesn't justify anything, ANYTHING at all. . .the point the panelist was trying to make is a lot of domestic violence is preventable by women. . .just like by not wacking a sock in a dogs face. . .or like when I was throwing rocks at a rooster when I was 5 years old and he turned and attacked the hades out of me.
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And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
BTW, this isn't just me ruminating. . .I was listening to an NPR panelist who specialized in domestic violence and while there are cases of apes of men who just victimize their wives for no reason, there are also a significant percentage of men who are victimized verbally and physically and then lash out.
This is why often you see women not wanting to press charges after the cops are called. They feel guilty because they wacked the man over the head with a rolling pin and then the man used disproportionate force and bopped her one.
Take this down to the verbal level.
This doesn't justify anything, ANYTHING at all. . .the point the panelist was trying to make is a lot of domestic violence is preventable by women. . .just like by not wacking a sock in a dogs face. . .or like when I was throwing rocks at a rooster when I was 5 years old and he turned and attacked the hades out of me.
Oh seriously, just like cheating is preventable if only people would do XYZ. Cheaters cheat because they choose too and violent people are violent because they choose to behave that way.
The OP was wrong for slapping her husband and her husband was wrong for using the C word both terrible and damaging behaviours, both are accountable for their own actions.
People are not roosters.
I do know a lot about domestic violence having been in a violent relationship, and I have also studied social work, specializing in children and families in particular studied a lot about domestic violence.
I would really love to see this segment you watched and this so called specialist.
Well. . .it appears logic has gone out the window sometimes with psychobabblists. . .I'll try to get the NPR link/podcast for you and post it.
What I mean by logic going out the window is when I came in at 5 years old, whining "The Rooster Packed Me! The Rooster Packed Me!" and they found out what I did to provoke the rooster. . .well, my parents told me I got what I deserved.
Very un-PC of my parents at the time, I suppose. (my father did put the rooster down eventually, if I recall)
We are all animals; a human is a type of animal.
As a social worker, what are the measures you do to prevent domestic violence, since you have studied it so much? Say a woman is living in a verbally abusive environment. . .besides the "pat" recommendation of "leave 'em", which is thrown about like Piels at a Keg Party here. . .what do you recommend to prevent verbal, emotional or physical abuse from occuring further?
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And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
Pitt Psychologist Says Women First to Hit!
by Lynne Margolis
Conventional wisdom says that in cases of domestic violence, men attack and women are victims. But a University of Pittsburgh psychologist believes it may be the other way around- that women hit first, and men hit back because they're provoked.
Irene Frieze, a Pitt professor who teaches human sexuality and the psychology of gender, says her studies of domestic violence show that much of it begins during dating, and that the women is often the aggressor. While that type of violence is considered "low-level" - slaps, pushes or kicks - Frieze says she believes such actions "get the whole thing started."
"I'm worried that eventually, he's going to start fighting back," she said Wednesday after the university released a description of her work. Her findings were based on a survey of 300 college students conducted three to five years ago. Frieze said she could not cite specific dates for the survey.
Frieze found that when violence was defined as any use of physical force in the context of disagreement, two-thirds of the students reported some violence in their dating relationship. Both males and females reported women were more violent than men in those relationships, Frieze said.
"Some of these women are acting in this way with extreme confidence that they can get away with it," Frieze said. But if a women smacks her boyfriend around enough, Frieze said, he may eventually get tired of it and get mean.
"We're conditioned to think that men do this to women," Frieze said, noting she began the study be because she was skeptical of reports that women start the violence. Those who deal with the victims of domestic violence strongly disagree with Frieze.
"I've have never known of a situation where two consenting adults have agreed to hit each other," said Nardi Obarski, prevention education coordinator for the Center for Victims of Violent Crime in the Strip District. "Violence has escalated in the last few years. I don't know that there's a specific trend that women are inviting it ... I have a great deal of trouble with that," Obarski said.
She said she worries Frieze's theory might fuel men's claims that they're justified. Frequently, Obarski said, a man will tell a women if she would only do as he instructs her, he wouldn't have to hit her, which makes her believe it's her fault.
Marty Friday, executive director of the Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, agreed. "Domestic Violence is a whole pattern of behavior where one person is controlling another and it can take many forms," she said. "... It's not just a push and slap, it's a pattern of behavior where one person is coercing the other to commit some behavior against their will."
There is a big difference between a women's defensive aggression and men's violent behavior, Friday said. "(Women precipitating the violence) is definitely not our experience, and we talk to over 11,000 women a year and work with 6,000 women a year in the court system."
While noting police sometimes arrest both parties in cases of domestic violence, she added, "in saying that woman are provoking it, that's where it becomes important to define domestic violence or what we call intimate partner violence."
Women often believe they provoked and will say they are responsible for it even when they're not, Friday said. And while she may hit first, there's no reference in the study for what he may have been doing, such as dangling car keys in her face and then pulling them away or similar taunting.
"I don't want to minimize, either, someone hitting someone," Friday said. But she added it's hard to equate the kind of violence men perpetrate against women with the kind of violence Frieze says women commit. "What we define as domestic violence, the perpetrators are overwhelmingly male," Friday said. "Occasionally, we hear that young women are more violent than they used to be, but there's no documentation of that."
Even Frieze admitted the situation she discusses the issue with don't take it seriously because it's not severe violence. "There is rarely any injury ... at least in the initial stages," she said. But she reported women have told her low-level violence "makes them feel stronger in the relationship." "Some relationships stay at that low level and nothing seems to happen," Frieze said. "But in some relationships, it seems to build and build and build." While she has no evidence that severe violence is precipitated by low level violence, Frieze said she hopes to get funding to do a longitudinal study, in which people are followed over time for a more complete picture of their behavior.
This wasn't the link but it illustrated the thoughtful, balanced discussion that occurred at NPR that would have gobsmacked you.
It's a very radical hypothesis this researcher is working to prove:
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And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
Well. . .it appears logic has gone out the window sometimes with psychobabblists. . .I'll try to get the NPR link/podcast for you and post it.
What I mean by logic going out the window is when I came in at 5 years old, whining "The Rooster Packed Me! The Rooster Packed Me!" and they found out what I did to provoke the rooster. . .well, my parents told me I got what I deserved.
Very un-PC of my parents at the time, I suppose. (my father did put the rooster down eventually, if I recall)
We are all animals; a human is a type of animal.
As a social worker, what are the measures you do to prevent domestic violence, since you have studied it so much? Say a woman is living in a verbally abusive environment. . .besides the "pat" recommendation of "leave 'em", which is thrown about like Piels at a Keg Party here. . .what do you recommend to prevent verbal, emotional or physical abuse from occuring further?
I don't even feel like responding, because i feel quite sick.
I was abused by my ex boyfriend. Do you know what I did to him?
NOTHING. I don't call people names, I don't yell. I had to walk on egg shells because I never knew what was going to p!ss him off. I never "nagged"him I was too scared. I was allways waiting to see what kind of mood he was in which could change at any moment.
What could I have done other then leaving him? NOTHING.
(Because luckily I know I am worth more than that and I did leave, but unfortunately some women cannot leave for various reasons).
What you are posting is dangerous, and very upsetting. I will be back and post stats and some really relevant info on domestic violence.
Before you ask-
Can men be victims? YES But the stats show men are not the victims of violence from women, as often as women are from men. Men are also more likely to harm other men (men are victims of violence from other men more often). Also men are far less likely if victims, to be afraid for their lives (Which I can tell you I was). Women should not abuse men and men should not abuse women ever. The victim is not at fault.
What you are saying and promoting is dangerous, and wrong.
I have no doubt that some women do commit low level violence, and that is wrong, and so do some men.
It is all wrong, but men are still statistically more likely to be violent, and to induce real fear when they do it. If you look at the stats women are more likely to murdered by her husband then he is by her. Usually these murders are committed by men who have been violent and or emotionally abusive.
If what you are saying is true then it is these mens fault that they are the recipiant of low level violence?
However that is also not true, no man or woman deserves abuse, physical or emotional. Making excuses for mens violence by saying some women do it too, is ridiculous and a way to deflect from the real issues.
Don't you know you can't control some one elses behaviour, it is their choice how they behave.
I don't think that Scannerguard is saying women are at fault for being domestically abused, that men are justified in abusing women, or that some women 'deserve' to be abused.
The idea seems to be that there's an escalation over time (in the article, years) that both partners participate in which often results in this behavior. Maybe by being aware of these behaviors, and recognizing the patterns early on, both partners could learn to control themselves better.
I have no doubt that some women do commit low level violence, and that is wrong, and so do some men.
It is all wrong, but men are still statistically more likely to be violent, and to induce real fear when they do it.
There is some reason to suspect that this is not even a little bit true. Once upon a time, there was little evidence of domestic violence. It was embarrassing and not reported. Now women's groups and advocates have made social change. We are behind the curve there where men are concerned. Domestic violence against men is, apparently, wildly under reported. So we really cannot make any accurate claim about which one is more likely.
I wonder what difference it makes. It seems that domestic violence would be abhorrent regardless of the gender of the victim.
I don't think that Scannerguard is saying women are at fault for being domestically abused, or that men are justified in abusing women.
The idea seems to be that there's an escalation over time (in the article, years) that both partners participate in which often results in this behavior. Maybe by being aware of these behaviors, and recognizing the patterns early on, both partners could learn to control themselves better.
No usually with abusive relationships (I am talking about more serious verbal, emotional and physical abuse), the abuser is like this before they meet their partner (victim). They try to hide it untill they can't any longer and then their real selves come out and usually the cycle of abuse starts. The victim does not do anything to deserve this, and most "normal" people do not become violent bullies in the face of everyday domestic disputes.
To say that the victim is to blame is ridiculous.
There may some exceptions where relationships deteriorate and someone hurts the other as a one time deal but they are still being abusive and responsible for their own behaviour. However you will find Most abusive situations not like that. Abusers often terrorize victims. If you have not experienced it perhaps you cannot understand.
My ex was violent, he was emotionally abusive and verbally abusive. He was also abusive when it came to money etc. not just one thing. We were only together 9 months all up and he was violent for the last 3. Before that he was quite nice. a comman pattern in abusers.
Scannerguard, it is going BACKWARDS to say, "She asked for it."
Nothing excuses the behavior of a woman who abuses her spouse.
NOTHING excuses the behavior of a man who responds to abuse by hitting back.
The only reason one person hits another is because they CHOOSE to. No one can MAKE any of us do, think, or feel anything--we decide those things for ourselves.
Do some women behave in ways that are totally inappropriate, aggravating, irritating, and sometimes down right abusive? Of course.
Does that give one the right to bash 'em back? Nope.
Do some abusers abuse without any precipitating event/cause? Yep. Research shows that, too--women (in particular, but not exclusively) are victimized by men who have serious mental health problems. Some women get out on their own. Others need a lot of help. In extreme cases, they are so victimized they stay until they are dead and/or their children are dead, or they end up killing their abuser--this is pretty rare, however.
A woman's bad behavior never justifies a man's bad behavior, or vice versa.
There is some reason to suspect that this is not even a little bit true. Once upon a time, there was little evidence of domestic violence. It was embarrassing and not reported. Now women's groups and advocates have made social change. We are behind the curve there where men are concerned. Domestic violence against men is, apparently, wildly under reported. So we really cannot make any accurate claim about which one is more likely.
I wonder what difference it makes. It seems that domestic violence would be abhorrent regardless of the gender of the victim.
No domestic violence by men and women is drastically under reported.
The truth is that men when even taking that into account are less likely to be abused.
Anon relationship forums like this one often show men posting about problems they deem embarressing and would rarely tell anyone. However they tell all here, sometimes men post about physical abuse (rare)and verbal abuse (far more regular occurance. But women post more often about these things because it does occur more often to women.
That doesn't mean that men aren't dealing with other unfair things or belittling etc, which is also abusive IMO. It still is not the same thing.
That does not minimize it when it happens to men. But don't minimize the issue of violence to women by saying it happens to men just as much.
I think it suits some peoples interest to say "Look women are just as bad as men" and it doesn't do anybody any favours. women do plenty of things wrong in relationships and are sometimes abusive but lets not skew the facts about domestic violence.
Scannerguard, it is going BACKWARDS to say, "She asked for it."
Nothing excuses the behavior of a woman who abuses her spouse.
NOTHING excuses the behavior of a man who responds to abuse by hitting back.
The only reason one person hits another is because they CHOOSE to. No one can MAKE any of us do, think, or feel anything--we decide those things for ourselves.
Do some women behave in ways that are totally inappropriate, aggravating, irritating, and sometimes down right abusive? Of course.
Does that give one the right to bash 'em back? Nope.
Do some abusers abuse without any precipitating event/cause? Yep. Research shows that, too--women (in particular, but not exclusively) are victimized by men who have serious mental health problems. Some women get out on their own. Others need a lot of help. In extreme cases, they are so victimized they stay until they are dead and/or their children are dead, or they end up killing their abuser--this is pretty rare, however.
A woman's bad behavior never justifies a man's bad behavior, or vice versa.
It certainly is. It isn't what I was saying at all though.
Have you ever heard about how women who were abused in some way by their fathers will often end up paired with abusive men later in life? Some people describe the uncanny way in which these people always seem to end up with one another. Similarly, most of us have heard about a woman who finally frees herself from her abusive boyfriend or husband, but then, the next boyfriend is also abusive.
I once heard a psychologist describe how there is almost a subconscious 'radar' which the victim and abuser have which causes them to find eachother.
Re: Name Calling-The C Word 
