mukey

We've been married 4 years now and we finally decided to get a dog. We got an older dog, he's 7. A few weeks after we got the dog we got him neutered and because of the post-op cone we had to sleep on the couch because he couldn't fit in his crate. My husband didn't even care that he and I couldn't sleep together. in fact he wanted to sleep downstairs with the dog for more than what was necessary. When we are all walking together, he walks ahead with the dog. He doesn't seem to listen to me anymore; he is all about the dog. We don't cuddle on the couch anymore or in bed. All we do is talk about our dog. I feel like he respects our dog more than he respects me. It's really insulting.
How can I approach this?

credamdóchasgra

I think you are being a little oversensitive.
Is this a puppy?
If so, it's not unusual for an owner to need to sleep near for awhile when it's very young.
Walking ahead with a new doggy is upsetting you? Why not laugh at how cute it is and appreciate how excited your husband is at a new little thing that needs taken care of.
Or get more involved with the dog care so you won't feel as left out.
This is likely a temporary condition, but having a baby someday will also take out of your cuddle time.
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Jellybeans

Talk to him and tell him you are feeling a bit neglected lately.

Mrs.G

The dog is seven. I agree that this is a small issue.
Children certainly interrupt cuddle time. If a dog can make someone this jealous, that person should rethink being a parent.

okeydokie

pay more attention to your diamonds

Mrs.G

I love this! My diamonds are so riveting!!

magnoliagal

I have this theory that some people who love animals more than people have intimacy issues. It's easier for them to love an animal because they get unconditional love without effort, the animal doesn't nag, the animal meets a need that is sometimes missing in a relationship. I think mothers do this with babies/kids too.

This is a touchy subject for me because my own mother loved our dog more than she loved her own kids. I've seen my best friend do it with one of her dogs. Even my own sister seems to care more about her dogs than her kids.

No idea how to approach it though. Just popping in to give you some sympathy. It sucks to share your spouse sometimes with anything regardless of what it is (hobby, kids, pets, job, etc.)

mukey

I don't think I am being overly sensitive or jealous. I am feeling neglected when we are all out walking and I am being left behind on a dark street while he goes ahead with the dog. When he gets home from work he doesn't give me a glance; he just pets the dog and tells him how much he missed it. Don't get me wrong - I adore our dog, but there needs to be a balance.

Nowhere in my post did I say that we wanted to be parents.

Our dog is 7 as indicated in my OP.

mukey

Thanks for understanding; the breeder where we got our dog from is the same - she loves all of her dogs more than her daughter and grandchild. I approached the subject last night and he got very offended. Today he is trying a lot harder which I appreciate. Hopefully it is no longer an issue; however this evening I stubbed my toe and when I cried out "****!" and startled the dog, guess who got the "oh oh, did she scare you?". Nice.

magnoliagal

Exactly!! This is the same **** my mom used to do. Infuriated me to no end. I've since learned in counseling that she just flat out didn't like me so it was true she did love the dog more than me.

My best friend? She'll tell you to your face that she loves her dog more than her kids. Her kids are high maintenance (crack babies that she adopted) but still that is a cruel thing to say.

4sure

emotional issues as well. Can't express their emotions toward a person, but can with a dog.

4sure

I have faced a similar issue with my husband for years, so I have no advice. He has gotten better over the years.

Wait until the dog starts to destroy your things, and he takes up for the dog.

magnoliagal

Or when the dog gets gravely ill and you go without so the dog can live just a bit longer with pricey we can't afford it cancer treatments and surgeries.

Mrs.G

Runs like Dog

I on occasion train dogs. I started and funded a group that trained and provided guard dogs and pursuit dogs to a group of people overseas for free. I have 3 rescues at home now. One's a drug sniffer, one's a bomb dog, one's a scrub from hunting school. They all have dog PTSD. I grew up with dogs that hunt other animals, particularly Ridgebacks, Azawakhs, Boerboels and various pack hounds; Beagles, Harriers, Foxhounds.

Dogs are dogs. They are not people. They don't have 'personalities' because they are not persons. They have behaviors and moods. They do what you let them get away with doing. They are naturally lazy and territorial. They assume they are the pack leader unless you train them otherwise. A dog is only as ill behaved as its owner.

And while I love my stupid dogs I am not prepared to do heroic means to keep them alive if they have cancer or epilepsy or brain disease or a stroke or paralysis. Circle of life, baby.