I don't know about your husband but I can tell you how mine operated when it came to me asking him to do something.
I could ask something simple of him or something a little more major. I could say it in a nice tone, or not so nice. (the not so nice tone usually comes after you have said something nice several times, then frustration sets in.) I also did NOT expect him to jump right up and do something right then so he did actually have plenty of time and notice.
The reason MY husband didn't do some of the stuff I had asked was, it had nothing to do with my tone, how nice I was or not nice etc, it had to do with the fact he had everything done for him growing up. He figured if it was something he didn't want to do, then he wasn't going to do it. He also knew if he went long enough without doing it, I would do it myself eventually. That taught him nothing, except to keep getting his way and to get out of what he was asked to do.
I took a step back and if I asked him to do something, simple or not, if he didn't do it, then I didn't either and it could just sit there for all I cared. He eventually got the message that I wasn't going to keep doing for him just because he didn't want to. he had to learn he had other responsibilities in life not just working and sitting on the couch while his mother/maid did it all.
I'm not saying your husband is this way, or that is what the issue with him is, just saying its what went on with mine.