help..husband is bored!
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Old 05-11-2011, 02:32 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Exclamation help..husband is bored!

hi guys! Me n my hubby had a long talk the other day n i jus need advice...

we been together 3 yrs, married 1, and im 20, hes 21. Now i grew up very sheltered and wasnt able to do almost anything, so i was very closed up, shy, and uptight, always have the attitude that i dont feel like doing anything..bcuz i never could..u would think when i moved out i would be like yay i can do whatever i want..but to grow up that way for so long can really put some stress on a relationship w someone who grew up completely opposite

anyways i love my husband with all my heart, and he loves me with all his heart..now he complains about being bored..theres things he wants us to do together..such as strip clubs etc..he wants me to be more spotaneous w our sex life n not care about where etc n this is something i really wanna do for him..i will do anything for my marriage..i jus need advice on how..i dont even know how is what sucks the most, but i really wanna learn n want my husband to be happy..i dont want to bore him bcuz of how i was raised..i must get out of that ASAP!!!! so ideas would be greatly appreciated..i need to be more confident so my sex appeal can shine thru!


oh n i need ideas as far as being spotaneous w our sex lives and any ideas on how to spice it up! and i mean ANY ideas..i aint the type of person to be like eww..jus need more options! thnx guys

Last edited by Lovinmyhubby; 05-11-2011 at 02:34 AM. Reason: added info
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

I am surprised you are having this problem when you have not been together that long. Are you sure his expectations are reasonable. You probably would not know because you are inexperienced.

First of all you are not alone responsible for the sexual excitement you both are. Is his sexual performence satisfying to you? Normally a man who loves and cares about his wife will make sire she is satisfied and he is not being selfish.

When he says he is bored what exactly is he doing to relieve the boredom or does he expect you to do all of the worke to keep him entertained. In your zeal to keep him happy, make sure he shows as much zeal to make you happy. If not then he is being lazy.. Are you happy with his sexual performence? Does he take care of you sexually? Does he expect you to give him all of the pleasure? If it seems that you are placed in the position to entertain him, talk to him about it and let him know that you are both responsible.

Be patient with youtself with building your skills. Mske sure that your husband is being supportive and not demanding and critical. If that is the environment that you are under, it no wonder that you feel uncomfortable. A few rules that you may not be aware of as a woman - you need to be careful about being willing to do anything he wants.

Under no circumstances compromise yourself. I have no idea what he wants you to do to keep him entertained but make sure that you establish firm bounderies. Sometimes men make eequest for acts from women gat are out of bounds, if she is too eggar to please she may do something she will regret. If you have no established bounderies he will not respect you .

Make sure you never involve third parties, no painful sex acts, no degrading acts, nothing that puts you in danger and nothing that makes you the only one giving. If he is disrespectful or critical of your performence sit with him and explain that you will never improve along with him if he is impatient with you. Also ask him what he is planning to do to make things exciting for you.

Get some books on relationships, and sexuality and both read. A good book is " his needs her needs" and "the five love languages". Since you have lived a sheltered life you have to study about how to have a good relationship. Your husband needs to do the same.
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Old 05-11-2011, 08:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

I blame this one on porn.
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Old 05-11-2011, 08:28 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

Probably.

I recommend that you get this book.

Amazon.com: 52 Invitations To Grrreat Sex: It All Begins with a Lick (9780974259918): Laura Corn: Books

It has 'invitations' - 26 for you to give him, 26 for him to give you.

Each week (if you choose to do it that often), one of you 'invites' the other to an event. The page has instructions on how to set it up, what to ask the attendee to bring, and how to have a great time - together, no one else around.

I think that if you go this route, you'll both be learning LOVING, personal ways to satisfy each other that are unique, and keep up the interest because you're always doing something new. Nothing kinky - more along the lines of strengthening your interest in each other and getting pleasure out of pleasing each other - a great way to build your marriage.

And it will keep the balance, so that YOU don't become responsible for HIS happiness; he'll be too busy giving back to you, for that to happen. It won't become all about him.
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Old 05-11-2011, 08:55 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

I remember 21 there's alot of testosterone there. Now I have hindsight. This forum and marriagebuilders.com so you can develop a happy relationship. Communicate DIRECTLY with him if you hint he won't get it. Go means go stop means stop however somhow in society No doesnt mean no because all to often in movies No begins as No and ends up as Yes ..........Get it?
Educate yourself be open minded. Step out of your grey zone. Learn to dance together that builds passion.

Theres a book Red Hot Monogamy authors last name Farrel, Bill and Pam I think.
Good luck
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Old 05-11-2011, 09:13 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

Yeah, one thing to remember is that men usually need you to spell out EXACTLY what you think or want. They're not mind readers.
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Old 05-11-2011, 01:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
I am surprised you are having this problem when you have not been together that long. Are you sure his expectations are reasonable. You probably would not know because you are inexperienced.

First of all you are not alone responsible for the sexual excitement you both are. Is his sexual performence satisfying to you? Normally a man who loves and cares about his wife will make sire she is satisfied and he is not being selfish.

When he says he is bored what exactly is he doing to relieve the boredom or does he expect you to do all of the worke to keep him entertained. In your zeal to keep him happy, make sure he shows as much zeal to make you happy. If not then he is being lazy.. Are you happy with his sexual performence? Does he take care of you sexually? Does he expect you to give him all of the pleasure? If it seems that you are placed in the position to entertain him, talk to him about it and let him know that you are both responsible.

Be patient with youtself with building your skills. Mske sure that your husband is being supportive and not demanding and critical. If that is the environment that you are under, it no wonder that you feel uncomfortable. A few rules that you may not be aware of as a woman - you need to be careful about being willing to do anything he wants.

Under no circumstances compromise yourself. I have no idea what he wants you to do to keep him entertained but make sure that you establish firm bounderies. Sometimes men make eequest for acts from women gat are out of bounds, if she is too eggar to please she may do something she will regret. If you have no established bounderies he will not respect you .

Make sure you never involve third parties, no painful sex acts, no degrading acts, nothing that puts you in danger and nothing that makes you the only one giving. If he is disrespectful or critical of your performence sit with him and explain that you will never improve along with him if he is impatient with you. Also ask him what he is planning to do to make things exciting for you.

Get some books on relationships, and sexuality and both read. A good book is " his needs her needs" and "the five love languages". Since you have lived a sheltered life you have to study about how to have a good relationship. Your husband needs to do the same.
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He's not disresPectful or anything w it, he says he just wants to have fun w me doing exciting new things together. As far as being spontaneous I have to work more on that cuz he has a very high sex drive. As for me, I'm fulfilled everytime..but I hav been unfair not doing it as much but I learned it's not about if I feel like doing it bcuz that's unfair to him n I believe that's why he feels this way.
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Old 05-11-2011, 01:30 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

But strip clubs? That's about seeing other women.
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Old 05-11-2011, 02:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

I'm down the couple romance in the bedroom but if you signed up for monogamy and he's talking about that suddenly not being enough now and wanting to throw sex with other women into the picture, or strip clubs... yeah that's a pretty big red flag there that your man maybe isn't ready to settle down just yet, or is feeling constrained by settling down.
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Old 05-11-2011, 02:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

I agree.
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Old 05-11-2011, 02:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

Or, it could just be that, now that he's legal age, he wants to explore places he couldn't go before. Better to ask you to go with him than for him to sneak off there and lie to you.

fwiw, I've been to such clubs before with my husband. No big deal. I just said 'if you end up with one of those girls, you'll never see me again.' Problem solved.
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Old 05-11-2011, 02:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

he wants me to be more spontaneous w our sex life n not care about where etc n this is something I really wanna do for him..I will do anything for my marriage..I just need advice on how..i don't even know how is what sucks the most, but I really wanna learn n want my husband to be happy..I don't want to bore him bcuz of how i was raised..i must get out of that ASAP!!!! so ideas would be greatly appreciated..i need to be more confident so my sex appeal can shine thru!

Ok. Spontaneous. You don't need a book for that. Not care about where. In the house or outside? The hood of the car? What does 'where' mean? Again, you don't need a book.
How. How what? That you might need a book or a DVD for.

You have brain, an imagination. Use it. What's holding you back is shame, not knowledge.
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Old 05-11-2011, 02:46 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

That's why I suggested the book I did. It's things they can do together, in the privacy of their own home, that will help her shed her feelings and start enjoying it together more as adults. The more she does that, the more spontaneous she CAN become.
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

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But strip clubs? That's about seeing other women.
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My very first thought was this was Marcoply's wife. But they have been married longer IIRC.
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:46 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: help..husband is bored!

You also need to remember he's only 21. To him, a strip club is likely still an exotic exciting no man's land, something he's always dreamed of going to and is only now legal to go to. I think it's a good sign he's asking HER to go with him.
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